LNH/HCC: Devil Legion #1: The Tale of the Devil Dog!

What Has Gone Before: The Devil Legion from Planet Hell is in Net.ropolis! (Legion of Net.Heroes Volume 2 #56: Satan Wants His Spine Back!) Some of them are going door to door as missionaries. (Devil Missionaries from Planet Hell #1) The others are exploiting their spiritual liberties to do what they will... within two limits. They're confined to Net.ropolis, and their leader took an oath that they act as heroes!

As their key to freedom, they brought a zombie devil dog. The dog broke through spells against devil creatures on the way here. No one's quite sure how.

November 1917: On a dark and stormy night, the Flying Ace reports to Allied headquarters!

General: "We have an important mission for you, Flying Ace. The Germans are sending a naval zeppelin to reinforce their East African forces. The airship is flying over Central Powers territory all the way to Arabia. Your only chance to fight them over friendly ground will be in Tanganyika itself. So, prepare to go to Africa!"

Flying Ace: (salutes, and leaves)

General: "Truly the Flying Ace has few words and much action."

So the Flying Ace has flown his Sopwith Camel from France to Italy, Libia, the Anglo-Egyptian Sudan, Kenia, and finally the English bases in the conquered part of Tanganyika. Now, to strike the enemy!

But wait... a python and a fierce leopard are snarling at him! What is the Flying Ace to do?

The leopard yells, "Arriba!" A mariachi band plays in the distance.

... Huh?

...

Habanero the Fourth of July Miracle Cat found the devil dog in Net.ropolis. He and his one companion confronted the intruder. "Arriba! You call yourself a Miracle Pet! Where is your miracle? Will you prove yourself the easy way? Or are we going to stare at each other, fur bristling, and then leap at each other, clawing and scratching and biting, until one of us tastes BLOOD! If your carcass still has blood, that is."

Parsnip the Christmas Miracle Maggot was with Habanero. He'd come along because it was Miracle Holiday Pet Week, and Habanero told him it was a field trip. He shrugged Yeesh.

But snarls came from outside the Miracle Pets! Ghosts of a panther, a cheetah, and a hyena all came, dragging chains. The panther spoke, "We are the Ghosts of the African Miracle Pets That Could Be!"

Habanero retorted, "No! You are impostors, like this dead dog! Africa is the land of free jungle animals! Your species cannot be chained and called pets!"

"Oh? Africans chain us and call us pets all the time."

Parsnip the Miracle Maggot shrugged, Whatever. So Habanero shrugged and said, "Cualquier. Now, why are you ghosts? Whose jugular shall I pierce in deadly combat in retribution for your untimely deaths?"

"You would have to slash your own throat, house cat. You threaten our rescuer!"

"What? This zombie devil dog saved you?"

"Something saved our ancestors years ago. A flying warcraft kills them all, just to clear its landing field - unless some heroic pilot scares it off or shoots it down. This creature wants to do that."

"He can want, but how can he do?"

"In our present state, we are dreams. He has dreams. Sometimes, dreaming is doing."

Parsnip shrugged. He knew the power of dreams and stories. He could feel the power of stories in the zombie devil dog.

But Habanero was not convinced. "No! It is wrong that you who do not exist yet judge him for what he might do! Who will defend the holidays if we allow their defenders to be those who might defend them?"

But a chuckling and jingling noise grew from the sky. A magic jet-ski was coming in for a landing!

Two men rode it. The pilot was a jolly old man with white beard, red cheeks, Bermuda shorts, and a Hawaiian shirt. He chuckled, "Silly kitty. Holidays defend themselves!"

"Kitty?!? Who are you to say this? Or to govern holidays??"

"Ho ho! You might know me as San Nicolas!"

"Santa? The Santa?"

"Es verdad! I'm on holiday, so to speak. Ho ho ho, I love your Holiday Pet Week! I love it so much, I brought a friend! Meet my new elf, Zombie Woodrow Wilson!" A decrepit old man (with major chest wounds) shambled off from the back of the jet ski.

Habanero scoffed. "Now you are, how you say, pulling my leg! Part of my Fourth of July Miracle Power is to know the history of all the U.S. Presidents, even beyond the grave! I happen to know that even though Zombie Woodrow Wilson was raised by Lich Nixon in LNH Comics Presents #506, he lost his powers and his unlife when Nixon was defeated!"

"Ho ho ho! Have you ever heard of a zombie that become not a zombie?"

"Asi, no."

"Well then. I assure you, Zombie Woodrow Wilson went back to his grave as a zombie! He slept there, for he had no master. But I woke him up, so he could resume his command role!" Santa turned to the zombie dog. "Zombie World War One Flying Ace, report to your zombie commander!"

...

The President himself is there at the airbase, alongside the jungle creatures! The Flying Ace salutes. The President salutes back.

The President's python hisses, ".....!"

The Flying Ace understands! He responds, "|||||!"

"....... ...., ...... ...!"

"||||| |||!"

...

Habanero turned to Parsnip. "Are you talking to the zombie dog?"

"...!"

"Ah, right. What does he say?"

".. .... .....!"

Habanero said, "... Cualquier. If Santa and Parsnip will vouch for you, I must now admit you, Limabean the Richthofen's Birthday Miracle Beagle!"

The ghost panther said, "Good. You may see us again. Look for Bloodfruit the Miracle Panther." The ghost jungle Miracle Pets faded away.

Habanero shrugged. "I suppose the ghosts can pick their holiday when they return. But as for you, Zombie Miracle Beagle, you must complete your work on Earth this week and then return to your resting place until your holiday comes!"

Parsnip translated, ".. .... ... ... .. ....!"

"|||!"

...

The President's python advisor says, the Flying Ace will get down time after this mission! The other jungle creatures back away.

The Flying Ace launches his Sopwith Camel for one last mission before he's off to his Holiday Hangar. Let the Germans beware!

...

Postlude:

At the makeshift warehouse headquarters of the Devil Legion, Devil Ass Boy fumed - in the manner of the Devil's Ass itself. He stank of brimstone. Devil Ear Girl squirmed.

Devil Ass Boy exclaimed, "We need the beast to break the barrier again! Where is that damned dog?"

"No one's seen him lately!"

"Well, yeah. We don't have the Eye of Satan here. What have you heard??"

"There are some rumors that the Risen Beast became a true holiday pet by the laws of this universe."

"What the Hell does that mean?"

"He'll next appear on his holiday. May 2, 2014. And we won't know where, until it happens."

"DAMMIT!"

Author's Notes:

I find myself with magical extra time to write stories, even with Powernaut 2005 Party 'Til The World Obeys in full swing. (www.eilertech.com/stories/powernaut/2005b.htm ) So, the devil dog of the Devil Legion returns! That's what RACC gets for declaring a challenge about Super Pets...

I needed a concept in addition to Super Pets to get this story moving. So I brought out Plot Thread 2013b.40 from my personal generator: World War I in East Africa. The zeppelin mission is actual history, at least if you trust Wikipedia. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/East_African_Campaign_(World_War_I) ... The zeppelin was scared away before completing its mission.

I researched what Africans consider to be pets. Apparently Africans will chain anything and call it a pet! That actually explains some old Kraven the Hunter comics.

Heh, this challenge got some LNH'y discussion of Holiday Pets going. After much discussion it was decided that all Holiday Pets may team up, for one week in August which roughly corresponds to this High Concept Challenge. Habanero the Fourth of July Cat was always important to the story. I've decided to put in Parsnip the Christmas Maggot too, thanks Arthur. I love that Parsnip and Limabean both speak Woodstock-ese. I could tell you most of what they're saying, but that would break the Mystery of the Miracle Pets. You probably get the idea anyway.

I might mention how Powernaut comics have affected my own outlook on reality, so that the dream adventures of a delusional zombie dog may be accepted as reality by dream creatures and mythical holiday avatars. But doesn't that stuff go without saying? 8(D>

I hope I have properly carried on the stories of the various characters involved. We have here:

Limabean the Richtofen's Birthday Miracle Beagle: Scott Eiler, inspired by Charles Schulz. Free For Use, but you may have to wait for Richthofen's Birthday now.

Habanero the Fourth of July Miracle Cat: RACC-Con 2012 (I can look up which of us technically created him, but then all of us fleshed out the concept)

Parsnip the Christmas Miracle Maggot: Arthur Spitzer

LNH Santa! I believe he was adapted by Arthur Spitzer, so as to be strapped to a nuclear warhead for the holidays. Yay, Arthur!

Zombie Woodrow Wilson: Rob Rogers