Not Dead!

A Tale of the Legion of Net.Heroes

Somewhere beyond time and space,
in the Isle of STFU (one of the Gateways to Limbo)
sits a being who has been banned from reality itself. The Time Crapper
appears and offers them what they most desire--vengeance on the LNH...

In the present day, a new member appears and join the LNH but refuses
to reveal what their powers are. The LNH is about to reject her on the
grounds that there are enough mysterious characters running around
already thank you very much, but All Knowing Last Chance Whiner
Destiny Woman appears and warns them that this member is necessary to
stop a deadly enemy who has returned, the enemy they faced in their
very first case!

(by Adrian J. McClure, LNH v2 #50: The Challenge from Before!)

Don't Stay Dead Man silently stopped his bicycle in front of the LNH HQ. Horrible Name Lad and Poignant Death Lass stepped off the rear wheel rider spokes. She said, "Classicverse."

"Don't say Classicverse. Say Backwaterverse!"

"You shut up!"

Don't Stay Dead Man turned around, and disappeared. The hero and heroine were resurrected - and on their own. They had an obvious but terrifying place to go: the LNH Lobby.

Inside, the receptionist looked at them, and pressed a button. Two monitors with keyboards popped out of the desk. Each monitor said, "LNH New Member Application. Powered by AOL!"

Poignant Death Lass asked, "Uh, we're coming back for duty. Could we skip this step?"

The receptionist looked up from a picture of herself with her husband. "Sure. Names?"

"Poignant Death Lass. And he's Horrible Name Lad."

"Poinyant... Not in the system."

"Oh, idiot. You do know how to spell Poignant, don't you? With the G?"

"Okay. Goinyant... Not in the system."

"I give up." Poignant Death Lass stomped to the nearest computer, looked for Member Login, and typed in Poignant Death Lass. The monitor showed, Name not recognized.

"Dammit. Horrible, what was my real name? I already forgot."

"Uh, I think it was Dies-So-Poinyantly-People-Crap-Their-Pants Lass."

"Why am I asking you?" She turned to the receptionist. "Let's try New Member. Call me, uh..."

Horrible Name Lad jumped in the void. "She's Miss Terry! And I'm Sir Prizer!"

The receptionist showed a burst of efficiency. "Okaaay... You're in the system. An LNH Member will be with you shortly to guide you through your Peril Room interview."

Poignant Death Lass sighed. "Oh, dammit."

The receptionist's phone buzzed. She said, "What? There? Right." She turned to the returning heroes. "Your interview's been moved to the LNH Cafeteria. You'll love the Taco Salad Cheesecake on special today."

Poignant Death Lass sighed. "Oh, double dammit."

Author's Notes:

Whoops, I'd better start writing Wiki entries for these two. Until I get to it, please know:

Horrible Name Lad has the power to generate horrible names. This usually happens every time he speaks. Under proper combat conditions, this power can affect people's power, but this works best against new villains. His weakness is, his power is always on, and it annoys people. Judging from some of the horrible names he comes up with, he's probably of Japanese ancestry.

Poignant Death Lass has the power to die poignantly, so as to affect and motivate all those around her. As a side effect, she cannot die unless it's poignant. Her weakness is, she's morbidly fascinated about dying. She speaks roughly, and is probably a Goth chick.

And is Peril Room the right term?

Handing off...

Credits:

Horrible Name Lad (Comes-up-with-horrible-awful-names-for-LNH-subgroups Lad) and Poignant Death Lass (Her-Death-Would've-Been-More-Poignant-If-She-Had-Actually-Appeared-in-Something-Before-this-Issue Lass) were created by Arthur Spitzer, and are used by permission. I believe them to be Free For Use, and I hope and expect other people will use them now that I've thrown them into someone else's storyline.

Don't Stay Dead Man is original to me. He is Free For Use in all LNH-related venues.

So there.

(signed) Scott Eiler, 12 May 2012