The Ass Monologues Newsgroups: alt.support.childfree From: JesterKat <...@lostmymindspring.com> Date: Sun, 28 Jan 2001 21:07:09 -0500 Local: Sun,Jan 28 2001 9:07 pm Subject: Re: XP: The Childfree Monologues On Sun, 28 Jan 2001 19:43:50 CST, "Scott Eiler" inscribed, in words of cybernetic fire: >Recently when I was on travel, I had opportunity to see a play called >"The Vagina Monologues". It had three actresses sitting on stage, >reciting the results of a questionaire that women had been given >about their vaginas. >Well, that got me thinking. If playwrights can swipe people's snappy >answers on one topic, why not another? >So, what if someone wrote the same sort of play, based on childfree >web sites? Like the ASC archives? Or maybe the Snappy Comebacks >section of the ASC FAQ? Heh. Heh. Heheheheheheheh.... Can we write scenes using actual ASC posters as characters? ---JesterKat, off to request the original play from the library Newsgroups: alt.support.childfree From: "Scott Eiler" Date: 30 Jan 2001 02:49:30 GMT Local: Mon,Jan 29 2001 9:49 pm Subject: Re: XP: The Childfree Monologues Grim wrote: >I take it the play was interesting, then? I admit >to having reservations about sitting through a vagina-related play... Mostly it was good and paradigm-subverting. Though I have to admit, my penis and I walked out for a break, on the part that describes how wonderful Lesbian Pederasty is for a vagina. But I can't recommend it for this group, because there was one piece about how wonderful it is when New Life pops out of a vagina. On that note, my ass can pop stuff out too. Healthy, nutritious stuff that plants love. This stuff is a natural part of life, and so it has a rightful place to be wherever life is. Maybe my ass should start doing monologues. (signed) Scott "The Up My Ass Monologues" Eiler ----- Scott Eiler ----- B{D> ----- http://www.eilertech.com ----- Submitted by pocket calculator. "Well, when we're born, at least we don't get coughed up from our mother's mouth!" "Coming out the other end, how is any better?" -- Wolf Read . Newsgroups: alt.support.childfree From: John & Mari Morgan Date: Mon, 29 Jan 2001 22:00:45 -0500 Local: Mon,Jan 29 2001 10:00 pm Subject: Re: XP: The Childfree Monologues On Sun, 28 Jan 2001 23:57:10 -0500, "Anthony" wrote: >Grim wrote: >> Interesting idea. I take it the play was interesting, then? I admit >> to having reservations about sitting through a vagina-related play... >I don't know, I think I could get int.. >No, sorry. Not going there. Part of me wants to, but.... Sigh.... Thank you, Mr. Carlin. :-) Mari Newsgroups: alt.support.childfree From: Kent Date: Tue, 30 Jan 2001 05:30:39 GMT Local: Tues,Jan 30 2001 12:30 am Subject: Re: XP: The Childfree Monologues Ginny contributed: : (we're running out of orifices, folks) Newsgroups: alt.support.childfree From: "Scott Eiler" Date: 31 Jan 2001 01:26:33 GMT Local: Tues,Jan 30 2001 8:26 pm Subject: Re: XP: The Childfree Monologues Grim wrote and quoted me: >>Maybe my ass should start doing monologues. >>(signed) Scott "The Up My Ass Monologues" Eiler >Shouldn't that be the "Out My Ass Monologues"? >Or not. Hey, it's your life. ;) Oh, there's so much more that can be said here. Up my ass there's a secret world of richness. But nobody can ever know its full wonder. *This* ass is a one way street. (signed) Scott, who might get going on an "Ass Monologue" web page at this rate. ----- Scott Eiler ----- B{D> ----- http://www.eilertech.com ----- Submitted by pocket calculator. "Well, when we're born, at least we don't get coughed up from our mother's mouth!" "Coming out the other end, how is any better?" -- Wolf Read . Newsgroups: alt.support.childfree From: "Scott Eiler" Date: 1 Feb 2001 04:10:00 GMT Subject: The Ass Monologue #1 Grim wrote: >"We wanna hear a story about Uncle Scott's ass!" >Yep, I see a whole new line of Golden Books here, between the Ass >Monologues and Vera's children's books. >:D >Grim, the preeverted wannabe children's-book publisher Well then... Mean Uncle Scott has always had a *magic* ass. Out of it would pop Magic Ass Dragons. I'm going to tell you about one of these magic critters, named Bob. Bob the Magic Ass Dragon. Back when Mean Uncle Scott was a little boy, he lived in Indiana. There, Bob came to life out of Mean Uncle Scott's magic ass one day. He plopped right into the toilet, and swam to freedom down the pipes. Bob met lots of other ass dragons down there. They swam and played and had a great time. Eventually Bob came to a funny looking pool, that was being stirred by machinery. He asked one of his friends, "I wonder what this pool is." The other ass dragon said, "Bob, this is the sewage plant. They take us out of the water here." "But I don't want to go out of the water!" Bob wailed. So Bob hopped and plopped, and made it into the river past the sewage plant. But then Bob became lonely. The river became wider and wider, and deeper and deeper, and Bob was all alone. Then Bob came to a big pipe that was sucking water in. Bob said, "I wonder what this pipe is." A piece of driftwood answered Bob, "Little ass dragon, this is the intake pipe for New Orleans. If you go in this pipe, you will go into their drinking water." "But I don't want to go in the drinking water!" Bob wailed. So Bob hopped and plopped, and made it into a bayou, away from the pipe. Bob liked the bayou. It smelled a lot like him. But there were still no other magic ass dragons floating around. Bob was lonely. Then Bob floated past a tree. It was a starving little tree. And it was wailing, "I'm starving. And I'm so lonely." Bob said, "I'm lonely too. I will stay and play with you." So Bob stayed with the tree. Soon, he became *part* of the tree. Thirty years later, Bob was part of a very *strong* tree. Then Mean Uncle Scott came down to Louisiana. He wanted to find the perfect stick for beating small children with. "Wherever shall I find the perfect stick?" Mean Uncle Scott wailed. "Pick me! Pick me!!" Bob said. And he threw a branch down on the ground. It was a strong, straight branch. Mean Uncle Scott had never seen such a strong branch. "This branch will be the perfect stick. I will beat many small children with this fine stick," Mean Uncle Scott said. So Mean Uncle Scott took that stick, and beat his nieces and nephews with it when they were bad. And his nieces and nephews were never bad again. And so, a part of Bob had returned to his creator. Bob's purpose in life had been fulfulled. (signed) Mean Uncle Scott, who loves a happy ending. ----- Scott Eiler ----- B{D> ----- http://www.eilertech.com ----- Submitted by pocket calculator. "Well, when we're born, at least we don't get coughed up from our mother's mouth!" "Coming out the other end, how is any better?" -- Wolf Read . Newsgroups: alt.support.childfree From: ely...@nospamnothanks.tiac.net (Glory Hound) Date: Fri, 02 Feb 2001 03:58:46 GMT Local: Thurs,Feb 1 2001 10:58 pm Subject: Re: XP: The Childfree Monologues On 31 Jan 2001 01:26:33 GMT, "Scott Eiler" wrote: >Up my ass there's a secret world of richness. doG, I love this newsgroup. Elise Newsgroups: alt.support.childfree From: "Scott Eiler" Date: 2 Feb 2001 06:58:36 GMT Local: Fri,Feb 2 2001 1:58 am Subject: The Spinal Fortitude Monologues (Re: The Childfree Monologues) mroo philpott-smythe wrote and quoted me: - Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text - >> So, what if someone wrote the same sort of play, based on childfree >> web sites? Like the ASC archives? Or maybe the Snappy Comebacks >> section of the ASC FAQ? >OK. I'm fuckin' ready. >Just came back from two weeks in SEA and the worst sprog-infestation i >have ever suffered, only to surface at the Beijing Acrobats' performance >with a seat-kicking passel of sproggen behind me. >Yes, thank you, Pete, i did grow a spine. i turned to the boys and >said, "would you SHUT UP? I'm here to watch the performance, not you." >And when the kicking continued, i cornered the little female offender >and said, in my nastiest voice, "DO NOT kick my seat again. DO YOU >UNDERSTAND???" >Unfortunately, being outnumbered several hundred to one by pathetic >pulemonsters and their even more pathetic parental units, i decided to >cut my losses and leave before the end of the show. No desire to spend >the rest of my life behind bars, y'know. Note to current Web maintainer of alt.support.childfree, as well as any aspiring playwrights: There's probably a market here. ----- Scott Eiler ----- B{D> ----- http://www.eilertech.com ----- Submitted by pocket calculator. "Well, when we're born, at least we don't get coughed up from our mother's mouth!" "Coming out the other end, how is any better?" -- Wolf Read .