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Escalation: The Third Wave

Dream Vacation. After Tekno-Otelo II, the people at DuoPolarity of Boston are grateful for the part I played, so they hire me as a contractor and then send me on vacation. Among other things, I do the following:

  • Go to England to see Deep Purple Unplugged, plus the Concerto for Group and Orchestra #2 performed with Bigfoot the Ultimate Amplifier. (5 January 1996)
  • Swap home-brew with Thor for Asgardian lemon jelly, wherein I find that most Asgardians and several superheroes are veteran home brewers. (15 January 1996)
  • Spend a civilized night in Worcester, Massachusetts drinking good beer among polite concert-goers watching the Red Hot Chili Peppers, then breakfast on muffins and chocolate stout at a brew-pub. (16 January 1996)
  • Go to an alternate universe Indianapolis and barely make it back! First I use my knowledge of Morse code and Indiana militia law of the 1800s to decode the message "BR O CHAMPIONS". Then I realize that if I answer the message and show up for breakfast at the State Capitol building, I will be drafted! I have to stand in line with cross-universe colonists to go home. (23 January 1996)
  • Go to Strokers', the tavern that recreates the little-known Jewish rebellion of 114 AD. (23 February 1996)
  • Don't go to the Monadnock Bible College with the youth group this year! Instead, because Monadnock is always crowded and is far away on snow-covered back roads, we're having an overnight at our home church, with Vara Hosea, Joan Osborne, and Alanis Morrisette playing charades. (17 March 1996)
  • Anything for a Buck. I mostly get all this vacation because work is spotty at my home company. When I go back to work, I do the following:

  • Attend a party in North Grafton, Massachusetts as a legal advisor to the Galactic Alliance. Their leaders make a much-speculated comment about 36-foot penises before the heroes Scudbuster and Ellipsis cut transmission in orbit and North Grafton respectively, in a gesture which will become synonymous with "Please Stand By". (25 March 1996)
  • Take an airplane flight along with several evangelists in powered armor, to where Reddy Killerwatt the Son of the Devil has taken over a nuclear reactor and is broadcasting "Nuclear Radio from Vermont." (19 April 1996)
  • Things could be worse. My home company is busy entering wrestling tournaments held at phone companies, trying to evict crazy basement dwellers from office parks, and holding interviews at fast-food sub shops. (14 May 1996)

    DuoPolarity Revisited. Wherein it is revealed just how desperate things were, the last time the universes merged.

    The Amazons Mobilize. I go home from DuoPolarity again, and I could really use a rest... but I land in the wrong place. Right year (1996), right town (East Douglas, Massachusetts)... wrong universe.

  • My key doesn't work in the condo door. My car is nowhere around. I walk to the local bank, but my bank card gets rejected. So I don't have a lot of options here.
  • I wind up in the woods, by the local river. And it's pissing down rain. I'm just about mentally psyched to die.
  • But then, a youngish woman finds me in the woods, and offers me shelter. She says, the Amazons left one woman behind to look for me. Whatever. Good thing there are Amazons around when you need them.
  • According to this woman's story, the Amazons are mobilizing to prevent worldwide flooding. Thor's there too, but fat lot of good he does. Whatever.
  • Still, it's a good place to spend a couple of days. The lady has a couple of children (well-behaved, thankfully), but no husband; she's a cancer widow. I don't think I'd like to stay around forever, but it surely beats sleeping in the woods. (16 June 1996)

    The Long Way Home. When Vesper walks among the living, he works with Patty Abdol the famous pop star. I hate it when they get me thrown off the plane.

    Champion of Death.

  • As happens too often, I wake up somewhere other than where I went to sleep. I'm feeling heavy.
  • Oh, and Vara Hosea is there too. She's the famous piano rock star -- the one who learned to play piano in a Baptist church, who to this day gives concerts with just her and her piano.
  • She's touchy, as if she was rousted from her bed too. So she takes jabs at me. It seems she knows self-defense from somewhere. It's a good thing I do too.
  • So, we wind up face down on the floor (me on top, good thing), panting for breath -- at which time Vesper and his sidekick Patty Abdol enter.
  • Yes, I know both of them.
  • Apparently he thinks the pianist has some kind of special connection with Death. Anyway, he announces a duel with Ms. Hosea to become the True Champion of Death, whatever that is. I'm Ms. Hosea's second, while Ms. Abdol is Vesper's. Not like I have any choice in the matter. Oh, and we're fighting in double gravity, like "true warriors."
  • So Ms. Abdol sets out to trash me. She's been training in double gravity, so she easily topples me and lands heavily on my chest. Ouch.
  • However, it's a battle of psyches too. By her own admission, my psyche scarred her once. It's only gotten stronger since then. So I turn it loose. It says...
  • "You think me corrupting? You think me weak? I have grown, and you seem much the same. I have walked among the dead - again. And this time I know the way back. I have stormed Olympus - again. And this time I won. And you have nursed your fading career and removed your ribs to look thinner."
  • This gives her pause, long enough for me to look around in the real world. Where I find Ms. Hosea's self defense has lasted roughly one second against Vesper. He looms above her now.
  • But this is a spiritual battle too. Why not for them? I extend the "spiritual" aura toward them. With no resistance from Ms. Abdol; in fact, it feels like she helps. And Vesper jumps back. It seems he has a secret dread of life or something. There's a big silver dragon coiling over him now.
  • He collapses on the floor. The dragon disappears. Vara Hosea stumbles over to him and assumes the victor's position.
  • I go look, as Ms. Abdol (who's fallen off me by now) hangs back. And Vesper jumps up and grabs me and Vara, hoisting us by our necks.
  • "No! It does not end until Death! She comes for you now! See her cloaked beauty!" I see a raven-like figure with air fleets of flying crosses coming out from her wings. (For what it's worth, Vara says she saw an anorexic white-skinned teenage girl in tights.)
  • "You, pretender, will see your companion die before I send you to Death myself!" He breaks my neck.
  • Hey, that was pretty easy with the right tools. I wonder if Thor or anyone else ever thought of just shutting down the villain's brain waves with their control over electricity?
  • But Death itself is still there. It walks up to the frozen villain... and shoves him over, then places its hands on Vara's shoulders, then leaves. And I don't know from where, but I can hear screaming.
  • I look at Ms. Abdol. "Is this fight over?" She nods.
  • "Well, Ms. Hosea, it looks like you won. No prize, apparently, except I have some mystic power I can give. But you'll have to share it with her", pointing at the other woman.
  • Ms. Abdol says, "No, take it all."

    Postlude: We're on a ship of Vesper. Why a self-professed Angel of Death needs a ship, I don't know, but it has good teleportation facilities. Ms. Abdol operates them to send Vara home. I watch to see that it's fairly done, then leave myself.

  • I'm not home, but I'm poolside on a sunny day with cool beverages nearby, and some people I work with (Ted and Ingrid) are there. Close enough.

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    Thor, Death, and Amazons are public domain, as long as they don't look like major comic book versions of themselves. And they don't. How about that. Ellipsis, Scudbuster, DuoPolarity, DuoPolarity of Boston, and Vesper are copyright © 2004 by Eiler Technical Enterprises. And all the real people in this document, including me, are really celebrity impersonators. I'm really a guy named Wyatt Ferguson. So there.