Domination of Eiler: Home The Declaration of Domination The Dominator
Domination Journals: Typical Blog Xmas First Latest.
Children in the Domination of Eiler
The Dominator has chosen not to inflict his own children upon the world. For this, the world may give thanks. Those parents who know his many reasons, mostly agree.
- The Dominator has actually hated babies since he was five years old.
- The Dominator despises all things which reserve the right to interrupt a full night of sleep.
- The Dominator has figured the odds of his hypothetical children actually overcoming their inborn genetic crapshoot, enough to provide him with a heritage. His chances are better with web pages.
- Being around children is like a continuous psycho-social dominance game, which many parents are lucky to win. (Much more commentary below.)
- Children are a tool of the corporate world-system, to create a captive work force. Without children, life is much more free, with many more possibilities.
- Children are the key part of a global pyramid scheme, in which each generation pays for the maintenance of its ancestors. So far, the scheme works only if each generation outnumbers the one before. If the next generation is larger than the youngest one current, it will strain the world past its breaking point.
- The world needs fewer people, not more people.
To be continued. The Domination of Eiler is certain its allies can come up with many more reasons not to have children.
The Domination of Eiler has noticed, humanity has a set of rules which keep it operational. And children are forever calculating to get the most out of these rules. Being with children is like a continual psycho-social dominance game.
- Names teach children that they're the center of the world - because names are assigned to grownups according to their relationship with the children. There's Mom, and Dad, and Grampa, and even cranky old Uncle Dom who comes to visit.
- Dinnertime teaches childen to bargain: "Eat two more bites of your sandwich and you'll get a cookie" vs. "May I have two cookies?"
- Talking teaches children, they may command an adult's attention on demand. Even when adults are already talking about other things. Even with the joke about why the chicken crossed the road. Even repeated many times.
To be continued. The Domination of Eiler is certain its allies can come up with many more ways that children are ruthless.
Animals are categorized into species based on whether they can interbreed. Children do not breed, so they rightfully constitute a separate species, Homo juvenilis. The Domination of Eiler has observed these subspecies.
- Howler Monkey. Mostly found in playgrounds, church basements, and other enclosed spaces. Characterized by hyperactivity and loud screeching noises.
- Yard Ape. Not as hyperactive as the Howler Monkey, but more widespread. Often found playing in traffic.
- Street Urchin. Found around places of business.
- Feral Princess. Found in packs.
- Demon Child. Mostly found in church.
To be continued. The Domination of Eiler is certain its allies can catalog many more sub-species of children.
But children aren't all bad. And they can't be expected to learn all the limits all at once. The Dominator did some things not entirely pro-social when he was a kid, just because he was a kid. So he won't come down hard on kids who do those same things today. Provided they hurt no one, the Domination grants his larval-human citizens a Junior Dominator privilege for activities including:
- Riding the bike (or nowadays, a skateboard) on the sidewalk, on the wrong side of the street, or pretty much anywhere.
- Hanging out with friends in public. And, by extension, sitting on someone else's property.
- Playing street ball. But if traffic comes along, even if it's just on a bicycle, they'd still best move or die.
- Skipping out on boring speeches. Indeed, this practice is encouraged.
- Just being kids. If they're doing this someplace that's supposed to be all grown-up and boring (like a fine restaurant, or a church sermon), the Domination of Eiler will place the kids' handlers under sanctions, but the kids are themselves blameless.