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The Core Territories of Illinois. For five years, home of much dominance. |
The Core Territories of Michigan, the most recent District of Dominance as of 2008. Two years of occupation, not counting pre-Domination times. |
The Core Territories of Massachusetts. Home of twenty years of dominance. |
The Dominator has felt the urge to publish his notes on how all the places he lives tend to be (somewhat) alike. These places include Illinois, Michigan, and Massachusetts.
|
Topic |
Illinois |
Michigan |
Massachusetts |
|
Sample Area |
The Townships Scumburg and Palatine in the County Cook (metro Chicago), and adjoining areas. |
The Cities of Lansing and East Lansing in the county Ingham, and adjoining areas. |
The County Worcester (southern half). |
|
Most Pretentious Name for the Area |
The Northwest Side. |
Mid-Michigan. |
The Blackstone Valley. |
|
Population of the Sample Area |
About 200,000. |
About 200,000. |
About 200,000. |
|
Size of the District of Dominance (the districts which are regularly toured by bicycle) |
8 by 10 miles. One might say, metro Chicago is not compact. |
5 by 7 miles. One might say, Lansing is more compact than metro Chicago. |
5 miles diameter, with corridors to several outlying Core Territories. The Domination had 20 years to colonize the area. |
|
Red or Blue State? (by U.S. presidential vote in 2000 and 2004; Red = Republican, Blue = Democratic) |
Blue. |
Blue. |
Blue. |
| Does it get Red if you get far enough from the big cities? (by U.S. presidential vote in 2004) |
Yes. |
Yes. |
Yes. |
|
Red or Blue Town? (by presidential vote in 2004) |
Bluish-purple. |
Blue. |
Purple. |
|
What's the big city? (where the TV and radio broadcasts come from) |
Chicago, of course. |
Lansing actually has its own stations. Nothing to write home about, though. Detroit would be the big city. |
Boston dominates most of the area. But near the Rhode Island state line, Providence sends broadcasts too. |
|
What is the state divided into, beyond counties? |
Townships. |
Townships. |
Towns. Massachusetts county government is such a joke, they've considered doing away with it entirely. |
|
Do people try to get rich from public service? |
Yes. According to a certain freelance commentator and ex-governor, this stuff is (bleep)ing valuable. |
No, they have to balance the budget first. |
Maybe, if they're Kennedys. |
|
How far do people come to shop in the malls here? |
Across one or two state lines. |
Across one or two county lines. |
Across one or two town lines. |
|
Where do the technical professionals get their pizza for lunch? |
The fancy California-style pizza restaurant at the big mall. It's like a crowd scene from the TV show "Friends". |
Used to send someone out for pizza, before the nearest Pizza Hut closed. |
Send someone out for pizza at the good neighborhood place. |
|
What's the most popular name in the office? |
Sureshkumar. |
David. |
Jim, but it used to be Brian. |
|
Is the next Great Depression starting here? |
Probably not... but now that Scumburg has the fancy new convention center they always wanted, why are they closing stores and restaurants? |
Yes. They like to say, "Lansing is On The Move"... probably down to Illinois to find jobs. |
Maybe, but judging from the real estate prices and web development rates in Massachusetts, people don't realize it yet. |
|
Are there farms? |
Yes. A couple of large farms have avoided incorporation into towns and therefore survived that close to Chicago, either by having hayrides (plus camels!) during Halloween, or by selling part of the land to Medieval Times. |
Yes. Michigan State University is an agricultural college and is mostly farms when measured by area. In most other directions from downtown Lansing, farms can be found within five miles also. |
Yes. And lots of them, despite the fact that New England is mostly not farmable. They like to say "agritourism" there. |
|
Are there thrift stores? |
Hell yes. |
Hell yes. |
Hell yes. |
|
Are there brewpubs? |
Hell yes. |
There's one. |
Depends. Wanna go to Boston? |
|
There's always a neighborhood pub. What do we do for special fun there? |
Go see Cracker or John Mayall or some other semi-famous rock star serve as the bar band. (Durty Nellie's, Palatine, IL) |
Go for Halloween, tolerate the DJ, and hope they have a costume contest. (Coscarelli's, South Lansing, MI) |
Isn't it enough there is a neighborhood pub here, instead of just a Sokol club? (Axe Mill Tavern, East Douglas, MA) |
|
Are there forests? |
Why yes, Cook County-Illinois is proud of its forest preserves. But these are largely prairie. And people in Chicago are still scared of them if they've ever watched "Deliverance". (by admission of "Regular Guy", commentator on Chicago radio station WXRT) |
Lansing's got maybe one county park with significant trees. Otherwise, the trees tend to clump at the edges of the farmland. |
Why yes, Massachusetts is mostly trees. They cut them all down for farming once, but then places like Illinois and Michigan turned out to be much better farmland. But Massachusetts has made a virtue of necessity, by declaring many state forests. |
|
Are there gun clubs? |
Gun what? |
Probably hidden somewhere on the outskirts. |
Hell yes. |
|
How often do you see people with tattoos? |
Every couple of weeks or so. And even then, it's not obvious that the waitress intended to expose that part of her body. |
So often, it's like a freak show sometimes. |
Depends. Do you know anyone who used to be in the Navy? |
|
Do the churches have crusade meetings? |
Crusade what? |
Wouldn't be surprised, because there's a Holiness Association in town. |
Why yes, every summer down at the Bible camp. |
|
Where do we go to the movies? |
The 30-plex. |
The IMAX, amazingly enough. |
The drive-in. |
|
What's the best pro sports team that's actually in town? |
The Scumburg Flyers, minor league baseball. |
The Lansing Lugnuts, minor league baseball. |
The Worcester Ice Cats, minor league hockey. |
|
Is it the only pro sports team in town? |
Yes, unless someone's plan to have professional basketball at the community college during baseball season has survived. |
Yes. |
Yes. |
|
What do we look at in the night sky? |
Airplanes. |
Clouds. |
Stars, and lots of them. |
|
Nice straight four-lane roads, or cow paths? |
Roads. |
Roads. |
Cow paths. |
|
How much traffic? |
Lots. |
Stop your whining, this hardly counts. |
Lots. |
|
How many bike paths? |
Lots. |
One. |
They may have built one by now. If not, there's the old railroad track. |
| Ride to live, or live to ride? |
Live to ride. |
Ride to live. |
Live to ride. |
| What's the standard equipment on a bike ride? |
Two locks and a helmet. |
Equipment? The bike's lucky it still works. |
Fifty fellow riders and a chase vehicle. |
|
Why shouldn't I ride a fancy road bike everywhere? |
Nails and broken glass on the pavement. |
Nails on the pavement, and the pavement's chunky anyway. |
Chunky pavement and dirt roads. |
|
Conclusion: |
Scumburg / Palatine - Illinois is affluent and fancy, though by no means the fanciest place on Earth. |
Lansing / East Lansing - Michigan is poor and not fancy. |
Worcester / Blackstone Valley - Massachusetts is half yuppie, half redneck. |