Page Full 'o Travel Guides

or, The Hitchhiker's Guide to Where I've Been

• The Domination of Eiler Travelogs. After I declared world domination, I started writing systematic travelogs.
• The Silly Places. Or, Me in the Real Universe. For those who doubt that reality is sillier than dreams, here's a list of the silliest places I've ever been.
  • The Other Silly Places. The Honorable Mentions of Silliness.
  • Dallas, Texas, USA. So silly, it gets its own writeup.
  • The Mary Kay Commandos. Part of what makes Dallas so silly.
  • Vote Silly! Vote for your favorite Silly Place.
• The Fancy Places. You know you're in a fancy restaurant when the patrons compare the Jumbo Hot Dog you just ordered to a horse penis. Here's a few other things you can expect in a fancy place.
• The Stick Places. Some museums, like the Milwaukee Museum of Art and the Louisiana Statehouse in Baton Rouge, have collections of hiking sticks in their folk art sections. I have more hiking sticks than both of them combined, personally harvested by myself under some spectacular circumstances. If my collection ever gets in a museum, this is what the plaques will read.
• The Real Places. Honest to goodness travel guides.
• Hudson, Massachusetts, USA. In case you go there on business, you may need help finding hotels nearby.
• Berlin, Germany. In 1990, The Wall came down - in more ways than one. And I was there.
• Kangerlussuaq, Greenland. The ultimate sunshine vacation, if you go in the summer.
• Mount Ascutney, Vermont, USA. It's a lovely place, but if you go there, be careful where you stay.
• The Next Guide Entry of the Day. I'm often working on a new entry for the Hitchhiker's Guide.
• All My Guide Entries. Here's all the stuff I've gotten past editors.