• And I get a glimpse of the Countess's membership certificatation in the Herodias Dancers' Guild. That's kind of a clue that she's power-hungry... Herodias being the Bible woman who trained her daughter to dance for King Herod and then ask for prisoners to be executed.

It seems the Countess craves me for my powers, whatever those may be. Hell if I know what these powers are. The best I can claim, is to have been exposed to powers. But the Countess doesn't like that answer.

The Countess quickly overpowers me. She's really strong for her size, and really nasty, if you know what I mean. And I have heart problems, which happen when I overexert myself. Bad time for a heart murmur.

But she gets nothing for her troubles except to promptly appear with me outside the door of Bell Atlantic where I'm on assignment now, whereupon I promptly go inside past the guards and she doesn't. I'm a bit confused, but she's even more so. (3 January 1997)

• I've just taken up aerobics for fitness, since I was dragged there from Karen Bodil, one of the people from work. She's not superhuman; she's still waiting to go on missions.
• The gym is officially The House of Fitness, but I refer to it as Mistress Norma's House of Discipline. Norma's teaching today.
• (I have to mention in passing, that any woman who has the right to command me, has earned the title "Mistress". Any man who commands me, I call "Master". Naturally, aerobics teachers qualify for "Mistress" or "Master" rank.)
• Anyway, there's a Countess whom I've dealt with before. She is the Contessa Teresa Patricia de Fremontagne from Italy. She is a Strega mage, which is to say, she specializes in vengeance, Italian folk style.
• In her opinion, I've got vengeance coming. I stopped her from controlling me once... by dumping her into the hands of phone company security. This is roughly several levels of vengeance below getting her into jail, in my opinion... but that's not the way she sees it.
• This Countess still thinks I can control a universe. And she proves it by coming into my aerobics class, slapping a mind control device on me, and making me create a pocket universe, just like I did once with the Fantastic Four's kid. All to an aerobics beat, no less. (25 Nov 1997)

• It seems my exposure to superhuman forces has made me a magician in my own right. Right now, at least, I have the Franklin-Richards-power. I can create a pocket universe. But my power has a wrinkle to it: it's all to music. When I was with young Mr. Richards, I did it to one of my Halloween music tapes. If you think Heroes Reborn sucked, try living in a universe with demon children, giant killer plants, armies from below, killer sheep, rogue computers, and every menace the Blue Oyster Cult ever thought of.
• But this time it's an aerobics class. I made an aerobics tape once, called "Aerobic 11" (11 beats every 5 seconds, and also worthy of turning up to 11). Not with that faggy disco music which most aerobics tapes have. My tape has cool bands like the Beatles and King Missile. But living in a pocket universe with this tape is barely better than Halloween...
1. Maxwell's Silver Hammer by the Beatles, in which three people fall to hammer assault.
2. Nation by Big Pig, in which they mention building a ladder to the sky. In other words, storming Heaven. (This gets the Countess all excited.)
3. Sink by King Missile, in which the line between holy and hole gets confused. In other words, Heaven is like a big hole in the universe, not what some people were expecting. Retreat! (This gets the Countess all angry. She may be driving, but I laid out the road.)
4. Cigarette Man by Monks of Doom, in which we descend from heaven.
5. Lone Star Song by Grant Lee Buffalo, in which even the earthly may take an angel captive. (The Countess gets ready for a second assault on Heaven.)
6. Astronomy by Blue Oyster Cult, in which we look to the skies where chaos is loose, and I'm in control, such as it is. The song keys to one man, and that would be me.
   • The Countess isn't ready for this. She tries to make my heart stop again. But my heart is now beating in tune with the music, so she can't stop it.
   • Meanwhile, my classmates have followed the patterns that come with this music, and they're confronting the Countess and her two bodyguards. And the Countess is busy, so she's not ready for...
7. Tomorrow Never Knows by the Beatles, in which chaos breaks loose on the earth. But chaos is not always bad.
   • The Countess and her bodyguards fall into suddenly-appeared chasms. But unfortunately, so does Mistress Norma.
   • Meanwhile, my heart finally stops. Luckily, several people here know CPR.
8. Seven Veils by Peter Murphy, in which I (revived) make the rounds and set things right. Norma gets rescued, while our enemies get flung away like boogers.
9. Jingo by Santana. It would seem we're victorious now, but the beat is intensifying still. There must be something missing...
10. Little Wing by Derek and the Dominoes, in which we have a victory parade. That's what's missing.
11. Coming Down by the Meat Puppets, in which we go back to normal.
• By the end of all this, the Countess is banished, the aerobics students have celebrated their victory, and I'm a functioning mage in the tradition of the Mashantucket Pequot Indians. (Yeah, I know their tradition nowadays is running casinos. My ancestral tribe is a practical bunch. In other words, technology is OK... and I'm running all the way with it.)
• Unfortunately, my ribs are also broken. That's what CPR does. If someone's going to manually beat your heart for you, your ribs are always in the way. So I have some down time.

• I found out later, the robots were programmed to find me wherever I use magic. Too bad for them, I don't use magic when I don't have to. Too bad for me, they assume I hang around the last place I used magic. Which is to say, Mistress Norma's House of Discipline. And they're smart enough to look for me there.
• So there I am in aerobics class, when a robot comes marching up the stairs. Mistress Jenn is teaching, hears its godawful tread, and goes out to check. It's already shoved one weightlifter brutally aside. So, the robots can't be friendly.
• I could go into considerable detail about this attack. Suffice it to say, a room full of strong women (plus me) is roughly a match for two of these robots. Unfortunately, four robots have come up the steps after me. There are two more in reserve. And six more, guarding all exits.
• The first thing I do is, put my Aerobic 11 tape on. It takes a while to take effect... but even as I get bubble-captured by the robots, two of them get Silver-Hammered. This gives a couple of women an opportunity to get my bubble out of there. And I know, there are more silver hammers coming. If this goes on, we might yet win!
• But winning is not to be. My team's morale has limits. When they see more robots coming, they run. Two women try to get me out an emergency exit... but a robot is waiting outside. I wave goodbye sadly, as I get captured.

• The robots stuff me in a polymer bubble, march through a teleportal (Huh? They have teleport devices? What do they want me for?), and take me to their compound in southern Chile. The villagers drop to their knees, as the robots march through the streets with me.
• But DuoPolarity of Boston comes through. Karen Bodil was there when I was attacked, and she called for help. Her brother-in-law Ted Clark has figured out how to deactivate these robots. The office secretary helps drag me home. ( )

The Fantastic Four is a trademark of Marvel Comics. All other characters in this fiction are copyright © 2006 (that's right, I'm updating the copyright) by Eiler Technical Enterprises.