The Biggest Wave

The Final Escalation for Me in the Marvel Universe

• Lucianus Autonomus Championus Federus. As I clean my basement, I remember an Elton John song about Castro's favorite boxer. I had a dream about that song today. (19 March 1997)
• Dreams for Sale. I write some stories based on my dreams. While I'm in the District of Columbia, I try to rename Lucianus Autonomus Championis Federus in a story I wrote so he'll be more popular for public consumption - but then a woman comes in and wants only part of my dreams. She doesn't like my story about Jack the Necrophiliac, even though it rhymes.
  • I'm actually a Death Champion of sorts. Are there Dream Champions? Is she the Dream Champion for south of Mason-Dixon? And is there someone working with her who wants New England too? (16 April 1997)
• Forced Upon the Biggest Wave. Once I ran a superhero game which assumed a tidal wave in New York City. (The game was designed and published by someone else; I just made modifications. I say this not to deny whatever blame I may have for the carnage, only to say I wasn't the only person who ever wanted to smite Manhattan.) Of course...
  • Of course, thanks to the geography of New York Harbor and its Ambrose Channel, the wave which I'd designed to hit New York City hits strongest at Perth Amboy, New Jersey.
  • Of course, I didn't realize this when I was designing the game, because all I cared about was New York City where superheroes were supposed to live.
  • Of course I'd never been to New Jersey when I played this game.
  • Of course, I'm there now, because my employer makes me commute to work there. On the Garden State Parkway, near Perth Amboy. And there's a wave here now.
  So I'm swamped by a wave of my own design. Having once simulated a catastrophe here, I find myself catastrophized. So much for my arrogance in ignoring New Jersey.
  • I know I'm rightfully dead when Vara Hosea, the Champion of Death, comes to claim me. So where is this wave coming from? And why does some guy who claims to be the Devil want me to survive it? And who really made this wave, anyway? (27 April 1997)
• Interlude. Okay, here I am in the flatlands of New Jersey (having been washed there by a tidal wave). I've been cut off from all of New England where I live, and there's apparently some sort of psychic war against me. I suppose it's lucky that my new car has been talking with the Devil, and knows where to take me - namely, the main place in NJ where I have friends: Freehold.

  And right about then, I get the Marvelpower 1971 ...

  • Everything I own takes on primary colors. My dark green car is now blue, and my brown trenchcoat is red.
  • My pants are now skintight with boxer shorts on top.
  • My shirt has my first name's initial emblazoned on the chest. "W", that is, for "Wyatt".
  • I can do incredible feats, such as jumping into my moving car through the window, standing up through the open roof, and defending my windshields from hordes of wild dogs by whirling my walking stick.
  • Unfortunately, I get the sudden urge to rush off to a laboratory and invent something to save myself. Fortunately, Freehold has a lab I used to work in.
  • Unfortunately, I faint after any amount of exertion. Just like the members of the Fantastic Four used to do in 1971's comic books. Fortunately, my car drives itself now. (28 April 1997)

• Wild Dogs and Grendels. In Freehold, deadly wild animals roam. For some reason, every dog in the state has been on a rampage for several days. Some of these dogs are the size of small deers; they're calling these dogs "grendels". These animals have been on the loose for about a month. Some people hide, and some have a Festival for Safety in Numbers. But it doesn't mean the animals will go away. God help me if I go to the festival and don't make the bus. The wild dogs and grendels will fight over me. (30 March 1997)
  • Fortunately, my brother and father are there. Yeah, Dad's faked his death, but he's come back to defend me. Thanks, Dad. And my brother usually acts like he thinks I'm worthless, but he's here too. Thanks, Calvin.
  • They're both Army veterans, so they have good ideas about establishing sniper positions against foes who don't have ranged weapons. We pick out telephone poles to put ourselves up.
  • But when I'm about to climb up near the Festival, the local pastor whom I know, gives me a message. There are some superheroes in town, from the Bahamas renegade superhero team Total Conversion. Superheroes might be some help to Freehold right now. But one of them needs some fixes to her battlesuit. And they paid for these fixes fairly. And I work for pay. And I'm the only electronics technician within range before nightfall. So, I desert my relatives, hopefully for the public safety. (At least this should satisfy my Marvelpower 1971 urge to invent something.)
  • Anyway, I finally get to meet the famous Total Conversion, including the woman named Mary (I think she calls herself Red Dragon or something) whose battlesuit I fix. Boy, she's obnoxious. But she is a paying customer, so I try to get the job done anyway. And it's just about ready, when the dogs come.
  • When grendels climb up the phone poles to try to bite my kinsfolk, they shoot them down. When they don't, our snipers do free fire against any dog which threatens bystanders. The bystanders would include me and Total Conversion. Thanks again. And fortunately, Mary's battlesuit works well enough. We evacuate safely.
• Science Club. I parted company with Total Conversion once we got to the neighborhood of Six Flags Great New Jersey or whatever they call it, but I heard some stuff afterwards...
  • The superhumans went on to Princeton, New Jersey, to investigate rumors of a student setting up a magnetron which sends subliminal messages. Especially to dogs, which would explain why huge packs of dogs were running wild. Russell Anvernacht, who runs Nightfall Systems, donated the equipment. Ironically, that battlesuit I modified for Mary runs on Nightfall Systems technology. (30 April 1997)
  • Speaking of the big dogs... the Countess had them specially bred. She never intended for them to break free; her herd of livestock just got caught with every other dog in the state.
  • But Total Conversion is the real target here. The Government has set up an ambush against them. They barely make it out... but it's the Countess who rescues them. And she's a power-hungry bitch, as well I know. This can't be good.
• Me vs. Earth's Mightiest Heroes. Total Conversion, the world's most powerful superhero team, met me in Freehold when the dogs were attacking. Now, I fear they're under the mental control of that rather evil woman, the Contessa Teresa Patricia de Fremontagne. And it looks like it's up to me to stop them. Not that I'm not used to fighting Earth's mightiest heroes... I'm just not used to winning.
  • The superheroes are in the Love Hotel in Atlantic City... where I was once imprisoned. It seems the Countess "persuaded" them to come there, after they were attacked by the Feds in Princeton.
  • I don't even try to get in the Love Hotel. The Countess has security, as well I know. Instead, I check into the cheap hotel across the street, then hang out at its hotel bar and try to learn stuff. And who should I meet there but...
  • ...Elaine Matthews, the girlfriend of one of the Total Conversion heroes! Well, actually, she says she's his "disciple". Yeah, right.
    • This guy is Derek MacColl, but calls himself "Arcane". I've been having Internet arguments with him for years, about whether Order magic or Chaos magic is more powerful.
    • I, of course, am a Chaos mage, so I take whatever magic comes my way, and it's usually pretty powerful, but not at all predictable.
    • Derek is, of course, an Order mage. He can turn his powers on like he turns on his garden hose, but it's not that much more powerful than his hose. So to speak. He can run with the superheroes, but he doesn't seem to do that much for them.
    • Derek and I disagree on other things too.
      • Like most other mages, he's a practicing Pagan. Yes, there are such things today.
      • Unlike the others, I'm more or less Christian. I think there's no contradiction between Chaos magic and reliance on One God.
      • And boy, most mages hate the idea of One God. Whenever I talk with other mages, it's as if I walked onto Wall Street and proclaimed that a planned economy was the big wave of the future.
    But anyway, speaking of big waves...
  • Elaine has an explanation for that big wave at Perth Amboy. One of the more evil Order mages was on a rampage; he caused the wave, and took her hostage. Total Conversion freed her, but didn't catch the mage. But anyway...
  • Elaine says she has "mental communion" with Derek, but it's been broken! She's gone looking for him, but the security guards won't let her onto his floor. She's worried about him. She's even worried enough that she'll try to help me break in to the Love Hotel. Well, not exactly "break in..."
  • On those rare occasions that my magic is powerful enough to shake realities, it's when there's a soundtrack. I plan to pop in a tape, start a ritual, and see what happens. So we adjourn to my cheap hotel room, fire up my boom box, and begin...
  • Outside, an angel of fire comes down and tries to walk in the front door of the Love Hotel! The superhumans come down and thrash him... but then three angels come down and try the same thing! It seems whatever I've got going here, it's only getting more powerful.
  • The "heroes" thrash the three angels too, but only with some effort. Then they go inside. Upstairs to their penthouse, I hope. At least, that's where the next nine angels are going. They force their way in there. I see several thrown out.
  • Elaine's monitoring the mystic forces on the other side. She says, "Wyatt! They're starting a counter-ritual! ... Derek's joined it! ... It's going to succeed in about a minute! ... Thirty seconds!"
  • But at about the ten-second mark, something breaks in the ritual. And Elaine says, "Derek! Stop!"
  • After-Action Report: Elaine sent me some e-mail afterward, telling me "Arcane's" side of the fight.
    • Yeah, the action was over then. About eight seconds before the ritual would have succeeded, the last two angels that made it past superhumans, thrashed the Countess.
    • Oddly enough, there were two Doom Creatures there just watching the fight. One was the Doom Koala of Speed who's a member of Total Conversion. The other was a Doom Spider Monkey of Attitude who usually just floats around South America. They couldn't decide what to fight for...despite the fact that the Doom Koala's teammates were under attack, and Doom Creatures almost always fight for doom. I wonder why?
    • Anyway, the superhumans went up to New Haven and fought some more Doom Creatures afterward. Apparently there was lots of doom there, and the superhumans stopped it. Bully for them.
    But I was kind of busy afterward...
• The Devil's Web Page. The Devil's price for his part in my resurrection after that big wave in Perth Amboy is revealed. He doesn't need my help to program his web page, but he does need my brain. (12 May 1997)
  • My body may do whatever it likes in the meantime, but given the current turmoil throughout the Northeast, there's only one place he can guarantee it will be safe. That would be a certain island off the coast of Maine, and in an alternate universe for good measure, where normal humanity has been herded into small island preserves.
  • And meanwhile, what's left of my friends can access the new link on my web page: You in Many Worlds. Apparently the Devil wants to subvert modern-day comic books with this page. As if he were settling a grudge from a past life or something. As if the Devil had ever been influenced by comic books, to go into battle like Captain America with a star on his chest or something. (But now that I think of it, wasn't there a "Son of Satan" superhero in the 1970s?)
• Vinalhaven. And so I wake up exiled, off the coast of Maine. But not just any Maine. Apparently, this is a "refuge" of unaltered humanity on the planet of Strange Invaders. I find this out when I take the ferry to the mainland.
  • My sister says goodbye to me. She's the only one who came. And she's disappointed in me. She thinks I'm giving up too easily. As if she's responsible for what happens if I don't restrain my power. (20 June 1997)
  • I make it to a coffee shop on the mainland, where the prices are kept artificially low, but the menu is all precooked and stored in a bucket. Apparently the truckers rioted there once, so the government runs the coffee shops around there. And they find me and send me back to the island. (22 June 1997)
  • There's racing on the mainland the next night, and I make it back. My brother and father are there to guard the race car, while I wander the streets and explain to someone I recognize from my youth group in Massachusetts why I don't go to the Indy 500 any more. (23 June 1997)
  • I made it off the island twice before now, but they're being more careful now, so I'm stuck. With nothing to do, I meet a skateboarding deformed teenage girl whose face resembles the face of a cat. (What, inbreeding, in Maine? As hard as that is to believe, that's my guess.) Aside from that, she's quite pretty. In fact, she looks a lot like a dancer from obscure independent comic books. And she needs a place to go. Can I help her, when I'm stuck myself? (13 May 1997)
  • I guess I can. I still have my passport, which may still have the Stamp of God on it. I could open it and find out, but that usually means I pop off somewhere and leave everything behind. Can I take someone with me? There's only one way to find out. The girl holds on tight as I open the passport.
  • Later... Back in Indianapolis where I'm a celebrity (remember that Omniverse card game?), Elton John and I form part of a five-person chorus performing "Tommy" from the sides of buildings downtown. And my friend from Vinalhaven made it there too, as part of the chorus. In fact, they built one of the dance numbers around unmasking her (revealing her cat face) and having her dance. The crowd goes wild for what looks like her makeup. It seems "Haven the Cat-Faced Girl" has a promising career ahead of her.

    Afterwards, we go carousing like normal people, even though we're now Federal officials. I do simulations for the President now. It seems this solves my little exile problem. (15 May 1997)