Travelog of Secret Destination, 2007
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What Is the Domination of Eiler?
In one sense, "The Domination of Eiler" is a political entity modeled upon the Holy Roman Empire. Which is to say, it works through national and local political entities, but transcends nation-state boundaries. You may already be a citizen without knowing it!
In another sense, "The Domination of Eiler" is a pen name for an amateur but very prolific web journalist. Perhaps you may enjoy these travel writings, given this simple guide:
The holiday of Domination Day is always scheduled for the weekend after its subject nations "United States" and "Canada" get their own patriotic travel holidays out of the way. This facilitates the Domination Day holiday custom of a road trip. This year for the first time, the trip is based from EilerBase Lansing-Michigan.
This weekend's trip destination was chosen only last night, with logistical, weather, time zone, and international border considerations in mind. Selected Domination allies in Texas and Connecticut have been notified of the target... because they're powerless to intervene. Total strategic surprise is expected.
All Hail the Domination!
A reasonably acceptable EilerBase for the weekend has been secured, in a destination that practically nobody travels to - unless they're in town for weddings. This led to a good deal of contention in finding a base. But thanks to rapid deployment and down-to-the-minute timing, Domination forces have established a presence and are already mingling with the wedding parties, in an effort to pacify the area. May the One Maker grant that this Saturday night in hotel be not Summer in Hell.
The ultimate target will be raided during a three-hour round trip tomorrow. This leaves much time for activities, both at target and at base.
The base promises a bit of local color, and a lot of redneck fun, judging from the largest wedding party in town, the local clientele, and the band schedule at the nearest restaurant. The fun has already involved the phrase, "Can I touch it?" (Someone believed the Dominator when he said, "I shave my forehead so I don't get carded." Though to her credit, when she found how smooth and shiny it was, she asked, "Do you wax it?")
Forces evacuated the restaurant and found the nearest diner. Operational music "I Want Your Hands On Me". Speaking of which, this trip is already so fun, it's been granted operational status. All Hail the Domination!
Good order deployment before 10 am.
Today the target may be revealed. But 'tis boring. The trip is just to get some stuff from EilerDepot Palatine, so as to support another year of Domination in Lansing-Michigan if need be. Domination forces drove hard along the Hellroad and the Great Wheel Road (I-80 and 294/290 in non-Domination usage), got the goods, said hello to local allies at comic book store, restaurant, and thrift store, then got out.
Returned to EilerBase for the weekend, in La Porte-Indiana. Herein lies the fun for the weekend.
The Domination force was well-rested and moved out in most excellent order before 9 am. Sunday morning policy on road trips is to find a church... but thanks to those pesky time zones, this was a day without a 10 am, so it proved impractical to find a church at the right time.
Therefore, rapid deployment to the District of Dominance in Lansing-Michigan. Wrap dinner at the Dominator's favorite neighborhood pub "Coscarelli's", where the staff is still talking about the time the Dominator brought his incredibly well-behaved nephews and their parents to dinner. Apparently just bringing the relatives to dinner in Lansing will get you even more attention than bringing 30 friends to a party in greater Chicago.
The operation shows these signs of success:
The Domination will admit to these operational shortcomings, though:
But Domination of Eiler forces return triumphant as ever, all praise to the One Maker.
(signed) Dominator S. Eiler, Fist of the One Maker, for the Domination of Eiler.