Travelog of Secret Destination, 2007 |
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Domination of Eiler Journal #15: Operation Hands On
What Is the Domination of Eiler?
In one sense, "The Domination of Eiler" is a political entity modeled upon the Holy Roman Empire. Which is to say, it works through national and local political entities, but transcends nation-state boundaries. You may already be a citizen without knowing it!
In another sense, "The Domination of Eiler" is a pen name for an amateur but very prolific web journalist. Perhaps you may enjoy these travel writings, given this simple guide:
The Domination of Eiler is led by, of course, the Dominator.
Its chief military force, and bodyguard of the Dominator, is the Domination Guard.
The Domination's world headquarters is now in Lansing-Michigan. As such, some new points in the North Eileranian heartland are targets for Domination patrols, even across international borders.
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The holiday of Domination Day is always scheduled for the weekend after its subject nations "United States" and "Canada" get their own patriotic travel holidays out of the way. This facilitates the Domination Day holiday custom of a road trip. This year for the first time, the trip is based from EilerBase Lansing-Michigan.
This weekend's trip destination was chosen only last night, with logistical, weather, time zone, and international border considerations in mind. Selected Domination allies in Texas and Connecticut have been notified of the target... because they're powerless to intervene. Total strategic surprise is expected.
All Hail the Domination!
Day 0: Friday 13 July 2007
A reasonably acceptable EilerBase for the weekend has been secured, in a destination that practically nobody travels to - unless they're in town for weddings. This led to a good deal of contention in finding a base. But thanks to rapid deployment and down-to-the-minute timing, Domination forces have established a presence and are already mingling with the wedding parties, in an effort to pacify the area. May the One Maker grant that this Saturday night in hotel be not Summer in Hell.
The ultimate target will be raided during a three-hour round trip tomorrow. This leaves much time for activities, both at target and at base.
The base promises a bit of local color, and a lot of redneck fun, judging from the largest wedding party in town, the local clientele, and the band schedule at the nearest restaurant. The fun has already involved the phrase, "Can I touch it?" (Someone believed the Dominator when he said, "I shave my forehead so I don't get carded." Though to her credit, when she found how smooth and shiny it was, she asked, "Do you wax it?")
Forces evacuated the restaurant and found the nearest diner. Operational music "I Want Your Hands On Me". Speaking of which, this trip is already so fun, it's been granted operational status. All Hail the Domination!
Day 1: Saturday 14 July 2007
Good order deployment before 10 am.
Today the target may be revealed. But 'tis boring. The trip is just to get some stuff from EilerDepot Palatine, so as to support another year of Domination in Lansing-Michigan if need be. Domination forces drove hard along the Hellroad and the Great Wheel Road (I-80 and 294/290 in non-Domination usage), got the goods, said hello to local allies at comic book store, restaurant, and thrift store, then got out.
- This target takes advantage of westbound time zone transit. Base camp was selected such that the extra hour came on Friday night. The penalty hour will come on Sunday, which is probably desirable because some days really should be as short as possible.
- An alternate target of Port Huron-Michigan/Sarnia-Ontario was considered.
- The Dominator always enjoys the chance to ride his bicycle across an international boundary (current or former) for dinner. (North Eileranian historical fact: The Quad Cities of Illinois/Iowa straddle a former international boundary between UK/USA and Spain/France!)
- This particular boundary will require an active passport, which is no problem given how the Domination of Eiler always maintains its ability to travel anywhere in the world.
- Still, the bicycle conquest of Sarnia-Ontario will have to wait until a day without near-certainty of thunderstorms in the forecast.
- Any target near Chicago-Illinois takes advantage of lots more radio broadcast choices than Lansing-Michigan has. On this particular morning, the Domination of Eiler learned, 1995 music has become Classic Rock suitable for oldies shows. Too bad 1995 was a musical void comparable to 1975.
- Visitors from Lansing-Michigan to Chicago-Illinois will learn, driving anywhere near Chicago-Illinois just sucks, even on side roads. Visitors from Chicago-Illinois to Lansing-Michigan will learn in return, there's practically nothing to attract a visitor from Chicago-Illinois, other than to see the next Great Depression already in progress.
Returned to EilerBase for the weekend, in La Porte-Indiana. Herein lies the fun for the weekend.
- Nearest full-service restaurant is hotel bar of "Best Value Inn". It has Friday night karaoke and Saturday night bands.
- Nearest diner is 18-hour diner "Round the Clock". Well, 75% round the clock anyway; 6 am to midnight.
- Both these fine dining establishments served the Domination on Friday night. But for Saturday night, the venue was "3rd Base Sports Bar". ("Last Stop Before Home!") It provided entirely decent steak, washed down with imperial-sized pints of the Michelob Amber Bock of St. Louis-Missouri.
- By then, after a day of Chicago combat driving, the Domination force was at the point of both mental and physical collapse. The one remaining conquest of the day was some decaf coffee in the hotel room.
Day 2: Sunday 15 July 2007
The Domination force was well-rested and moved out in most excellent order before 9 am. Sunday morning policy on road trips is to find a church... but thanks to those pesky time zones, this was a day without a 10 am, so it proved impractical to find a church at the right time.
Therefore, rapid deployment to the District of Dominance in Lansing-Michigan. Wrap dinner at the Dominator's favorite neighborhood pub "Coscarelli's", where the staff is still talking about the time the Dominator brought his incredibly well-behaved nephews and their parents to dinner. Apparently just bringing the relatives to dinner in Lansing will get you even more attention than bringing 30 friends to a party in greater Chicago.
The operation shows these signs of success:
- Targets of amusement value subdued, but only if you count barrooms. Oh well, limited objectives.
- Some fine beer consumed, thank you Durty Nellies Pub of Palatine-Illinois and the Goose Island Brewery.
- Trophies taken, but only if you count things the Domination of Eiler already owns.
- A regular ration of comic books conquered.
- A very small bit of bike riding done, on the Domination road-bicycle "Thunder Child" newly liberated from storage. Lansing-Michigan beware, for the Domination of Eiler can now patrol the bike trails with its fast bike!
- Some polishing done on the Domination's fiction-blog July episode.
The Domination will admit to these operational shortcomings, though:
- No hiking sticks conquered.
But Domination of Eiler forces return triumphant as ever, all praise to the One Maker.
(signed) Dominator S. Eiler, Fist of the One Maker, for the Domination of Eiler.