Me in Comic Books:
The Comic-Book Adventures of Me 2006
Yesterday the World
As bad as my world has been, there's always something worse. Like, oh, a world full of Nazis. Of course, that's what I find when I want to flee my own world and find something better.
Part 1. It started out invitingly enough. I was out walking the universes. Let's not talk too much about how I can do that; I just can.
I found an Earth where three men and four women wanted me for an eighth member on an expedition to southwest Pakistan. The women said they'd even do our laundry, just because it was expected where we were going - and they'd whup our asses if we made a big deal about it!
But where we are now, Nazis are fomenting revolts against the Japanese in Baluchistan, and the Japanese in turn are supplying rebels in Pennsylvania! It seems we've had yet another of those reality shifts. Oh joy.
In the latest reality, Islamic fundamentalists made the difference in World War 2, by sparking an anti-British revolt from Egypt to Bengal. It all started in Fallujah-Iraq in 1941, when the British couldn't put down an Iraqi-Axis coup on the first try.
The revolt let the Germans and Japanese link up in India, which was just enough to turn the tide of the war. Of course, now the Nazis are rounding Moslems up (for the same reason as they did the Jews), and sending puppets out to try to get more people in their camps. I hope the Islamic fundies are happy now.
...Yeah, it's another reality shift. The scary thing is, I know people who wanted to trash the reality I came from. They may have done that by now. Is this what all realities are like now? I guess there's only one place left to try... something called the "Real World". (25 - 29 May 2006)
Part 2. I'm back from the "Real World". I just couldn't take it.
Nazis and Imperial Japanese are still ruling the "Not-Real" world I come from. So I'm hiding in Siberia! Not for the first time, either. This time, it's because no matter how successful Nazis ever get, they hardly bother with Siberia. So, I'm reporting Siberian news this month.
- Just like last time, I'm in Bratsk. The railroads go there, but just barely. So it's a good choice.
- Siberia's sort of a demilitarized zone between Germany and Japan. These powers both send inspectors to the Trans-Siberian Railroad, to prevent transit offenders.
- Siberia is independent. It has its own green and white flag, like snow and pine trees. Officially, it collaborates with the outside powers. Siberians are in charge of shooting the transit offenders.
- Some Siberians have responded by supporting a secret Arctic Ocean submarine fleet, operating under what I know as the "Evil Minions Battle Flag" for purpose of deniability. Which surprises me no end, because where I come from, I invented that flag. I haven't figured out how some of these concepts jump across the universes. (16 Jun 2006)
- Everything else in Siberia is relatively libertarian - except Siberians still have to deal with the Axis Powers to live. Axis Powers are nasty. And it shows. Barmaids and shopkeepers are surly because they can't make ends meet, and collective tree farms have to try to meet impossible quotas. (15 Jun 2006)
- Still, refugees from throughout the world wind up in Siberia. And it shows. Siberia has diners at truck stops now! The cuisine is both eclectic and survivalist. For instance, duck blood soup is on the menu! It seems people from Poland to Vietnam are used to it. And nobody's ignoring any source of calories nowadays.
As I mentioned, there's a Siberian Resistance. They meet me at the diner, when I'm arguing with the surly barmaid over what to do with someone's money when he's dumbshit enough to leave it sitting out at the bar. Let's just say, the Resistance noticed my fighting spirit.
The Resistance thinks they might have some work for me, on the Trans-Siberian Railroad. And I'm inclined to try it out. I can complain about how squalid life is, or I can fight against it. (14 - 17 Jun 2006)
Part 3. There's been some important action against the Nazis who now rule our world, but I wasn't there. I was busy helping refugees.
- I've signed on with the Siberian Resistance as a train guide. Which is to say, I help refugees on Siberian trains hide from Japanese and Nazi German inspectors. Which is useful work.
- But I have a little more power than that. I have a proven ability to divert entire trains across universes! And I have some experience with letting people merge in to the population, in an entirely untraceable manner.
- So I start hijacking the Trans-Siberian Express - into the "Real World". Refugees start disappearing, and Nazis can't trace them.
- This service becomes so popular, I ride on every train I can, and people start sleeping in the aisles. Oh well, helping the deserving poor can have its squalid moments, but good missionaries already know that.
- After a while, though, the inspectors start coming with armed guards, who don't let people off the trains until they're sure what universe they're in. That's easy to circumvent at first, by bribing some "Real World" Siberians to fly whatever flag we want at the town hall. But ultimately that makes the inspectors downright paranoid.
- As a result, my acts of defiance are starting to put some heat on Siberia. People start asking if I can work the Chicago - Toronto route instead, if I'm so good at moving around the world to where I'm needed. Oh, why not? (11 Jul 2006)
But back in the non-"Real World", Our Heroes finally intervened and drove the Nazis out. It was manly and heroic... or so I'm told. My former colleagues Ellipsis and Vesper were heavily involved.
- The effort hinged upon a mystic phenomenon: one minute of old things returning when the full moon crosses the solar ecliptic. This has something to do with an Aztec legend involving a severed goddess head, and also the basis of the Ghost Dance legend, which some superhumans named "The Balance" ran across a revival of once. Vesper says, many legends are the same, but each legend only scratches the surface of the truth. (21 Jul 2006)
- While the old things were back, superhumans such as Ellipsis and djinni ("genies") such as Vesper had their powers of old. So Vesper could grant a wish that the temporary changes stay in place. But for some reason, they had to go to a burial mound of the Huron Indians, who were among those who believed in the legend. And they had to dress up like lumberjacks, to get on the site. (19 Jul 2006)
- But Nazis have mystics too, and they were expecting this. So there was lots of heroic Nazi-fighting involved. For instance, 75-year-old Stephen O. Samuels, a.k.a. "S.O.S.", a.k.a. the "Golden Age Ellipsis", and late of DuoPolarity of Boston, made his heroic exit from the present life while fighting Nazis. For him, high-profile Nazi-fighting was an old thing returning.
- Reportedly, Mr. Samuels made a wish to get his old partner "Private Danger" back. So there may be a Golden Age superhero wandering the Earth again!
Afterward, we seem to have reverted away from Nazis, but not all the way back to President Hatch. It's still President Bush here.
- But more of Our Heroes have more of their superhuman powers, because these were old things and they wished for them. It soon becomes obvious Our Heroes aren't going back into internment camps.
- And so we have yet a new Status Quo. What's it going to look like this time?