The Day North America Woke Up Leo the Pirate Vampire King The New Porfiriato Emperor Ted Vojvodina vs. the World The Trillions Superhuman World Superhuman World 2009
Me in the Superhuman World:
Startup Escalation 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 2009 World Journal 2010 2011 .

Superhuman World 2009 is a work of fiction. The characters herein and the commentary about them should not be considered "real".


World Journal Monthly


Last year, the Hurrier's organization arranged to publish selected stories from the World Journal Monthly, under the Journal logo but formatted to be part of the Superhuman World web site. I'm not sure why the Journal agreed to this, but I'm all in favor. The tradition continues.

(signed) Wyatt Ferguson, 23 Feb 2009.


A Night in the Life of... Leo the Pirate Vampire King! Commentator: Sylvester Morrow, World Journal Monthly.

February 23, 2009     See Our Other Issues!
A Night in the Life Of...
Leo was one of the first superhumans. He used his catlike powers to fight evil - and attract weirdness.

Leo knew the night would be bad, when he heard his clones were being used as food.

In the South Pacific, Colonel Mark Simon of the Tuvalu Defense Force awoke to his evening duties. But "Colonel" was only one of his titles. "Leo" was another, for the superhuman world. "King" was his title in the vampire world. As King and Colonel, he would lead his vampires tonight. And as superhuman, he would represent his country.

The nation of Tuvalu had begun high-level negotiations with the United States, about transit security for merchant ships. (See Related Story) The new U.S. administration was supposedly committed to talking more, fighting less. And Leo the Pirate Vampire King was an old friend of Vice-President Crusher Joe Corrigan. So Colonel Simon was representing Tuvalu in phone conversations with the U.S. Vice-President. Daytime in Washington, D.C. and nighttime in Tuvalu coincided nicely.

Before the meeting, there were bulletins to review; Colonel Simon's consort the Vampire Rose handed him a pile of dispatches, along with breakfast and coffee. Not for the first time, he wondered how he'd gotten lucky enough to marry a vampire who liked to serve anyone.

The dispatches came from the staff of Eric X, their patron and the secret master of the archipelago. Leo found one dispatch particularly disturbing...

The CoopTech Corp had announced a breakthrough in the production of artificial meat in laboratories. Their meat was cloned, from a Petri dish. Previous batches of their chicken meat were so tender, they could wash through a sink's filter and down the drain. But now they had a secret ingredient to improve the texture.

From what anyone had seen of the processing plant, nobody could rule out Leo-clone content. As one of his misadventures before becoming a Pirate Vampire King, Leo got cloned.

Leo-clone meat is said to taste like pork, which is supposed to help the texture of the next batch. The clones had the power to incorporate into hybrid species; Leo himself is a human-cat hybrid, different enough from baseline-human to reduce the risk of disease transmission. That is to say, Leo-clones don't get human diseases.

Unfortunately, there was nothing Colonel Simon could do from Tuvalu. Or... was there?

But first, the business of the night. Colonel Simon had to track his batallion of vampires. About one hundred of his undead allies had joined the Tuvalu Defense Force. Most of them were out on naval patrol, to pilfer passing ships of wealth - and nutritious blood. With the coming of the vampires, traditional piracy was no longer needed. So world attention went to African pirates, while vampires and Pacific islanders still got what they needed. The program was going well.

Then, the Colonel reviewed the island reconstruction efforts. The island with the Defense Force barracks had gained an inch of new coral around its southern end in the last month. This was spectacular. The undersea allies of Tuvalu were doing their job.

Next, the telephone call to the United States Government. Vice-President Corrigan himself joined the call, and talked frankly with Colonel Simon about the needs of the vampires of Tuvalu. If the U.S. could ship surplus animal blood to the south Pacific, it would feed the vampires. They in return would help suppress all the competing pirates in the area. An agreement with the U.S. would be good news for Tuvalu.

After that, a telephone call to Disney. The Disney corporation has enough pirate-theme amusement park rides, that they'd shown an interest in avoiding bad news about pirates. Good news for pirates in Tuvalu, meant good news for Disney.

Finally, a secret call to a mercenary named "Madfinger". Madfinger said, he might be able to rid the world of cloned meat, both chicken and otherwise - for a discount price. Just leave the details to him.

All in all, a successful night for Colonel Mark Simon. As the superhuman Leo his record was mixed, but in his new life he was doing well.

Commentary by Wyatt Ferguson.

Leo's been held up as an example of how degraded a superhuman can be, under the weird conditions of our superhuman world. But I think, the weirder a superhuman life is, the more successful it is. Consider just two examples:

  • Crusher Joe Corrigan himself has been at various times a professional wrestler, a terrorist in training (good thing he's Irish, not Iraqi), a crazy man, and the governor of California. And now he's the U.S. vice-president.
  • Ellipsis has been at various times a college vigilante, a declared terrorist (he employed Crusher Joe to fight the U.S. Government), a galactic power, an interdimensional conqueror, and a deejay for a dance troop. And now he's a scientist for the one of the U.S.'s four largest incorporated companies of superhumans. He founded one of the others. I founded the third and work for the fourth now - and my life's been weird too.

In short, Leo's in good company. And I think we'd best keep watching him.


The Day North America Woke Up. Commentator: Bruce Klybourn, World Journal Monthly.

March 11, 2009     See Our Other Issues!
The Continent Has Spoken...
The Earth has been attacked by hyper-velocity objects from space in 2006 and 2007.

After the earthquakes, the computers at the 2000-Mile Rail Gun command center had one unexplained message: "Hello, I'm North America."

But earlier...

In the underground command center at Fort Campbell, Kentucky, the defense contractor Calvin Ferguson began his presentation.

"Good morning, people. Today we test-fire the gun.

"As you know, alien races demonstrated hyper-speed weapons to our planet in 2006. That demonstration was harmless. Renegade humans used that same weapons system in 2007, though. It shut our continent down. Now our response is ready.

"The enemy weapon system was based upon a 3000-mile rail gun, tunneled through the bulk of the Moon. Our system is based on that same principle. We tunnelled ours under the surface of the United States, from Colorado to Virginia. Our science staff has determined, 2000 miles is adequate.

"We've been questioned about the stability of our tunnel system, relative to the so-called New Madrid Fault in the central part of the country. Geologists assure us, it's really not a fault in the tectonic sense, because it's in the center of the North American tectonic plate. 95% of all earthquakes in that plate occur at the boundaries. Our shielding should be adequate for the rest.

"General Kardashian will of course give the order to fire. But without further ado, as we say in Indianapolis: Ladies and gentlemen, start your engines."

The nearest engines for the 2000-mile gun were miles away, so no noise was heard. But the displays lit up.

Deep below, an entity woke up. This was its third day. It was familiar with days, because parts of it saw the sunlight. It knew the human term "day", because many human communications passed in tunnels through it. Only recently had the tunnels become this big, though.

Today, the entity yawned. And it stretched its spine.

In the control room, the displays went red. The technicians yelled, "Structural integrity loss in Missouri! Multiple losses! Kentucky now!"

The control room was safe. But the new weapon system was broken. The Heartland Earthquake of 2009 had begun.

After the earthquakes, the computers at the 2000-Mile Rail Gun command center had one unexplained message: "Hello." Best guess is, the two-thousand mile tunnel woke the continent up, the message was its "yawn", and the earthquake was its "stretch".

How did the continent become intelligent? Minerals can indeed become a repository for information; computers are built out of minerals. Intelligence is simply the next step. A 2000-mile tunnel through the continent, with constant communications passing through, probably helped there.

How did the continent know to send e-mail? Some people say, with all the buried underground cables passing through its bedrock, e-mail is the first language a continent would learn.

Commentary by Wyatt Ferguson.

I suppose it shouldn't surprise me that my brother Calvin is in on a secret project. He takes his secrets seriously.

Some people wonder how the World Journal Monthly gets these secret stories. I've heard this particular journalist has a high-level connection to one of the Doom Creatures; some Doom Creatures have pet humans. And of course a Doom Creature can go anywhere doom is to be found. Like, for instance, an underground base that's triggering the earthquake of the decade.

The news services say, every brick house near the Missouri / Kentucky border was leveled. The next layer out, luckless Paducah lost every brick building bigger than single-family, to go with some damage they had from an ice storm earlier this year. Memphis-Tennessee barely did better. I even saw some damage in Nashville-Tennessee; my ladyfriend Judy and I did some volunteer rescue duty there, she knowing CPR and I being a superhuman of sorts. When someone's trapped in a collapsed building and needs to be pulled out at right angles to reality, I'm actually world-class.

The next weekend when things had quieted down, I finally got to ask Judy: if death makes you rot, does two minutes of clinical death at least give someone body odor? Fortunately I was giving her a back rub at the time, so she didn't just jump up and smack me. But I say, sometimes people need to ask the silly questions.

As for the real questions... The U.S. Gov is pouring in money for recovery. I know our new Prez has influential backers with deep pockets; that seems to be the basis of his economic stimulus plan. At least he's not just printing money. But how long can even they keep it up without unbalancing the economy and crashing the financial system?

New! Talk Back!

The Forgotten Vigilante. Commentator: Sylvester Morrow, World Journal Monthly.

June 12, 2009     See Our Other Issues!
Eighty-Year-Old Gunslinger Fights for Right!

The old man said, "Sylvester, you do not know of me. But I must tell you true... I am your grandfather!"

I was in Washington, D.C. to investigate the Holocaust Museum shooting. Best guess, the shooter was a senior citizen who shot another elderly visitor without provocation. He then calmly handed his gun to a security guard. But the eyewitness accounts didn't agree with each other. CNN found someone who said, the guard had been shot! Thankfully this wasn't true, as I discovered when I interviewed the guard.

I took a break from the investigation when I got a phone call. The D.C. police had picked up a vagrant who had no identification - and he said I was his next of kin! When I met him, he said he was Edouard Morowiecz - my grandfather. And he had more to say...

Except for Private Danger, all known World War 2-era crimefighters died because they weren't bulletproof.

"I am not like your American crimefighters of World War Two. They all got shot, did they not? But I fought the Nazis in Poland. We tried not to be shot there. We helped some resistance fighters on missions, but we mostly robbed people and hid in the mountains. We were not heroes, but at least we were not Nazis.

"I was captured once, but the strangest thing happened. The Nazis forgot to guard me. Or put me in prison. Or even chase me when I ran away! I got back to the other fighters - but they did not recognize me! They did not turn me away, though. So I 'joined' them again. I had to 'join' them every day after that. A curse from God? Maybe. But it saved my life, more times than I can count.

"After the war, I used my gift to hunt Nazis. Sixty-five years it's been now. I think I just got the last one. The old man I shot, I found him in a hate group. You Americans call them neo-Nazis. But any Nazi that age is just a Nazi."

I didn't know what to say to my grandfather - assuming that's what he really was. But I did know to continue the interview... "Where do you think this power came from?"

"I do not know. Always assumed it was curse from God. But not as much curse as Nazis were."

"Why did you hunt the Nazis, after you escaped from them?"

"Was easier than hunting the curse from God. And I needed to hunt something or go mad."

"If you can make people forget to capture you, why are you in prison now?"

"Just because I am done hunting now. I had to keep telling the security guard and the police it was their duty to take me in."

"So, what will you do now?"

"I do not know. I cannot move in with anyone, because I would have to move in again every day. Maybe I just stay here with police."

"Then why did you call for me?"

"Because you are writer, my boy. You will not remember, but you write it down first. That way, at least someone thinks of me."

The next day, I got called back to the District jail. They'd kept a vagrant named Edouard Morowiecz overnight. They were going to release him, but he had died in his sleep. He'd said he was related to me, but I didn't know him. I said I'd mention him in my latest story, though, just in case he had better next-of-kin than I was.

Afterword by Sylvester Morrow.

I don't remember filing this story. My editor asked me to rewrite it to make more sense, but I don't remember any of the events I wrote about in that three-day period.

The story makes some sense, though. There's no reason to believe Edouard Morowiecz was lying about his history or his superhuman power of mass forgetfulness. It's the best explanation I've seen for the museum shooting. With his power, he could make the police forget he had a gun when they took him in. He apparently made me forget everything he told me about him.

Nobody has ever explained the presence of superhuman powers on our world. The best guesses are, our Earth has a mystery mineral in a mystery part of space that supernatural beings like to patronize, and all these things can confer superhuman powers. I can't expect Edouard Morowiecz to know where his powers come from, when all our modern experts still don't know. He may simply be an early case.

I've had people not shoot or attack me, when I was on a story. Maybe I've just been lucky. But maybe the Forgotten Vigilante and I are related - and I inherited some of his powers. I'm not going to fight for justice quite the same way he did, but in some small way, his legacy can live on.

New! Talk Back!

NewsBeat, June 2009. Commentator: World Journal Monthly.

Your News of the Superhuman World, All in One Place!
June 2009     See Our Other Issues!


The birthday of Laura Marr, the founder of Mothers for Crusher Joe, was commemorated in a farmhouse. Ms. Marr died of cancer last year. Her movement is credited with the popularity of the superhuman wrestler Joseph "Crusher Joe" Corrigan - now Vice-President Corrigan. Mr. Corrigan attended the ceremony. - Joyce Darcy for the World Journal Monthly. (26 Jun)


"Panlucida" Power Recipient Attains Self-Powered Flight

Judith Kraaco, technician at the "Combine" superhuman institute, has developed the ability to fly under her own power. "I just shove the ground away - from a distance", she said. She has Panlucida power like all women (See Related Story), but she's the first woman to have it grow to this extent. - Sylvester Morrow for the World Journal Monthly. (26 Jun)


Founding Heroes of "The Balance" Under Investigation!

The Wolcotts are being investigated for their connections to organized crime. Julie Wolcott is related to the Moretti crime family, and Stephen's done business with Nigerian counterfeiters. Stephen Wolcott is of course better known as Ellipsis, and Julie is the new Morningstar. It's unknown who leaked this news, but a business rival of the Wolcotts within the superhuman community is likely. - Sylvester Morrow for the World Journal Monthly. (29 Jun)

Talk Back!

NewsBeat, July 2009. Commentator: World Journal Monthly.

Your News of the Superhuman World, All in One Place!
July 2009     See Our Other Issues!


At the San Diego Zoo, there's a monkey named Gorko born in 1946. He's still so healthy, one may well wonder if this is the same Gorko who'll inherit the world in 2023. (See Related Story) - Joyce Darcy for the World Journal Monthly. (3 Jul)


Office workers for the state government in Lansing, Michigan report, they're being monitored by a floating sphere about three feet wide. They call it "Granny Sphere". Aliens may have evacuated the Earth (See Related Story) , but they left some monitoring devices behind - and not in the places that make the most sense to humans. (See Related Story). - Sylvester Morrow for the World Journal Monthly. (7 Jul)


Can Gillette Harris enter an ultimate fighting ring with a baked potato and still look cool? The Idaho potato industry hopes so; they're sponsoring him. His Hercules powers make him look cool, but what will the potato do for his image? (See Related Story). - N.F. Pachek for the World Journal Monthly. (13 Jul)


A radioactive wrestler once went to Cuba for an uneasy alliance with Che Guevara... Hey, where did U.S. Vice-President Joe Corrigan (a.k.a. the superhuman wrestler "Crusher Joe") get his powers from? Could be, this guy was his father. - N.F. Pachek for the World Journal Monthly. (21 Jul)

Talk Back!

NewsBeat, August 2009. Commentator: World Journal Monthly.

Your News of the Superhuman World, All in One Place!
August 2009     See Our Other Issues!


A cartoon has Garfield saying how the heroine Julie Wolcott is so evil, an egg turns black when you dump it on her... Cartoons nowadays are getting nasty. - N.F. Pachek for the World Journal Monthly. (6 Aug)


The team knew their experiment was at least "Plausible", when the Biblical golem they'd created started trashing the lab!

There will soon be a Mythbusters episode about a Biblical golem made from soap and soda. It ties in with a Waltons episode about a soap and soda pop sculpture for a wedding ceremony. But this bit of folk art went on a rampage! The recreated golem didn't last long; the sticks that formed its leg bones broke too easily. But the Mythbusters team was forced to admit, in a superhuman world there might be something to the old legends. - Bruce Klybourn for the World Journal Monthly. (12 Aug)

The Next Reality Show: INTERNET LIVE!

I'm running a Cyber-Church Live show. My old employers EDS and ACS both got bumped for the TennCare Live game show; one episode features remote-control giant roller archery. - N.F. Pachek for the World Journal Monthly. (14 Aug)


I give up trying to shoo the butterflies off my patio, but the duck in the fountain is a bit much. It hovers and bites me as I shove it. Evil Duck Die! ... Hey, where'd Psychovant the Duck end up? - N.F. Pachek for the World Journal Monthly. (19 Aug)


I'm floating through the Anchorage airport, trying to make my flight to Delaware. Suresh tries to pull me over because aliens are manipulating his daughter's face, but I duck outside and fly across the tarmac. - N.F. Pachek for the World Journal Monthly. (25 Aug)

Me in the Superhuman World:
Startup Escalation 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 2009 World Journal 2010 2011 .

Crusher Joe Corrigan is a character created by Joe Fucile. Leo was created by Ray Conrad. The Forgotten Vigilante is a concept by Tom Russell. Thanks to Miranda Prince for the comment, "He's not a neo-Nazi, he's just a Nazi." All other characters in this fiction and the phrase "Superhuman World 2009" are copyright © 2009 by Eiler Technical Enterprises. The map of the Superhuman World is based on one from Henry Bottomley's map software which is well worth a visit.