Me in Comic Books: Startup Escalation 1999 2000 2001 2002 Pequots 2003 That Toothpick 2004 2005 .

The Adventures of Me 2002

The Second Pequot War

(Author's Note: Parts of this story, to some people, may sound too real for comfort. But remember, this is fiction, which diverges from the real universe. So, for this story, I'm going to identify divergence points, sentences that sound real but are fiction, with a "*" afterward. For example, if you see a sentence saying, "I worked on a nuclear energy project in New Mexico.*", or "The restaurant I went to there gives kickbacks to the Mob.*", you'll know it's not real where normal people live.)

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the First Pequot War:

  • Once upon a time, when white men first came to what would be called New England, there were four tribes of Indians, and two tribes of white men. The Pequot tribe of Indians allied themselves with the Mohawk tribe of Indians and the Dutch tribe of white men, produced a sort of funny-money called "wampum" that was in high demand, and tried their best to subjugate their neighbors the Mohegan and Narragansett Indians. These latter Indians teamed up with the English tribe of white men, and enslaved the Pequots instead.
  • These tribes still exist today. The Indians lost their homelands for a while, but they've started to get them back. They've all discovered casinos, which is the modern equivalent of wampum. And they're arguing over it again.*
  • And they're getting some white tribes involved. The Pequot's casino has strong ties with New York City. A water shuttle whisks the affluent between the two places, including some who run the organized crime.* The other casinos are more recent, and are making their own alliances with an alliance of other "businessmen".* (Okay, I'll come out and say it. In the Marvel Universe, the Kingpin sponsors the Pequots; the Masters of Evil are backing the others.)
  • Watch history repeat itself.

    I enter the story when I get a temp job programming some of the computers at the Foxwoods casino.* (Little-known fact about me: I'm technically a member of the Mashantucket Pequot tribe which operates that casino.*) The tribe gives me low-rent housing on the reservation trailer park, so I save on commuting.

    But to save on expenses, I move in with a woman named Eve who shoots pool as her profession. It's strictly platonic and for saving money, as much as I might wish otherwise. And that's just as well. When I'm trying to go to sleep, she's coming in late from shooting pool. And then...

  • Challenge of the Happy Bears. (22 Mar) They're furry, stronger than a grown man... and they're invading Connecticut now. Usually the superheroes fight these things, but they're not around and we are.
  • Happy Bears Have Predators. (23 Mar) After the challenge is over, the bears are about as gracious (and willing to stop playing) as whiny four-year-olds. Fortunately, it turns out these Happy Bears have their own natural enemies. They look like teenage mutant armored ninja, and they say they're knights where they come from. They drive the bears away... then they swear allegience to us, follow me to work, and get me in trouble with the boss. Luckily (I suppose), my roommate is sleeping with the boss, and has some influence.
  • Masters of Evil. (25 Mar) It starts with a beechwood baseball bat which I made myself. I test it out by giving it to the Avengers. Because it's a different kind of wood than it looks, and (like many of my creations) it has a mind of its own and can move itself around, it's saved them from ambush. The Masters of Evil want to recruit me now.
  • The War. This job's been fun, but it's about to hit the fan. After Action Report:

  • Me in Comic Books: Startup Escalation 1999 2000 2001 2002 Pequots 2003 That Toothpick 2004 2005 .