2007

• VILLAINS PLOT A TRAIN COLLISION! Too Bad Their Engineers Are Drinking Beer (25 Jan)
• CIRCUS WITH A SUPERHERO FIGHT EVERY WEEK - FROM THAT WEEK'S NEW COMICS! But Every Fight Has Their Regular Performers Joining In and Winning (26 Jan)
• LOST EPISODE OF M.A.S.H. FEATURES INDIAN SCOUTS! Included In The New "M.A.S.H. 1991" Series (26 Jan) - See Related Story!
• MASKED MAN, MASKED WOMAN, AND ELEPHANT! Are They Crimefighters, Performers, or... Both? (30 Jan)

• CIVIL WAR FORT-BUILDING REENACTMENTS AROUND LOUISVILLE! Patrons Say, "Fun to Watch, But Their Public Toilets Suck" (4 Feb)
• TURTLES TRACK FELONS ACROSS CANADA - And Eat Their Flesh After Bar Fights! These Snapping Turtles Are Carnivores, Just Like Those Cartoon Turtles Who Love Pepperoni Pizza (22 Feb)
• COMPUTER RACK HAS AN ATTACHMENT TO HOLD BUTTER! Just Watch Out When It Melts - Or Use a Squeeze Bottle (24 Feb)

• MARIO ANDRETTI PLANS TO BE BURIED IN INDIA! Famous Race Car Driver Hopes to Inspire Fans There (4 Mar)
• SOUND-DEADENING HOTEL ROOM! The Master "Squelch" Button is On the TV Remote Control - But If You Use It, It Makes Your Phone Interdict Your Calls! (6 Mar)
• FOOD MENU-PHONE ASKS FIVE SECURITY QUESTIONS BEFORE EACH ORDER! Most People Give Up After Two Questions; Yet Another "Squelch" Feature of Hotel Room (8 Mar)
• ISAAC HAYES HAS SIX PERSONALITIES - THREE WITH FLAME POWERS! Only Two Personalities Are Public - One Formerly on "South Park" (11 Mar)

• GIRLFRIEND OF A SUPERHUMAN SEEKS THERAPY! She Says She Never Knew "Crusher Joe Corrigan", But He Knows All About Her - He Blames the Reality Shifts (See Related Story) (1 Apr)
• "PEOPLE OF THE GRAVES" - THE NEW CHAMPIONS OF DEATH! They Started as Explorers of the Afterlife, Then Made a Deal With The Reaper (7 Apr)
• DRESS UP AS TOEJAM! The Superhuman "Toejam" with Toe Powers (and Toe Smell) Is a Popular Costume (16 Apr)
• MEET OUR PUBLISHER! In the Spirit of Free Press, He Admits He's a Former Paramour of Prince Charles, and Dead Lady Diana is Watching Him (16 Apr)
• FIRE EXTINGUISHER WATER WILL GET YOU DRUNK! Some Formulas Have Glycenol; One Formula Even Comes from a Sink (22 Apr)
• DANCE WHEN YOU'RE CURED! Hospital Encourages Patients to Do a Little Dance When Released, as a Wellness Measure (26 Apr)
• HOLLYWOOD MANSION OPENED TO THE PUBLIC! Richard Gere Assigns His Rooms In Case of Disaster (28 Apr)
• FORMER CHAMPION OF DEATH SAYS, DON'T BRING ELLIPSIS BACK FROM THE DEAD! Vara Hosea Says, He'll Probably Come Back On His Own - If He's Really Dead, That Is (30 Apr)

• GHIDRA vs. MARIAH CAREY! From a Bad Comic Book of the 1990s; Kitty Pryde of the X-Men Guest-Starred (7 May)

• DESSERT TREATS SERVED IN PUPPY SKIN! A Chef Has to Decide: Is This Puppy Cute, or Tasty? (14 Jun)
• Bill Wyman in: "LIKE A ROLLING STONE: THE MOVIE"! (15 Jun)
• SCHEHEREZADE DANCE FESTIVAL - WITH WHEELCHAIRS! (15 Jun)
• UNDERGROUND CARNIVAL - WITH GAMES FROM HELL! One Game: Which Historical Figures Would Censor Books About Themselves? (17 Jun)
• CROSSWORD PUZZLES WITH NUMBERS - And the Answers Are Bible Verses! (18 Jun)
• ALICE COOPER AND FRANK ZAPPA PUT ON TRIAL - BY WOODY ALLEN! Interesting Stage Play... (21 Jun)
• BACKWARDS DIGESTION! Could Be Messy (27 Jun)
• NEW VERSION OF ROMEO AND JULIET - With Rivals For Each Lover! (29 Jun)
• YOU CAN PROGRAM TOILETS INTO A HOLODECK - But Don't Try to Piss There! (30 Jun)
• FLYING ISLAND COLLIDES WITH ASGARD, HADES, AND SUBTERRANEA! They Make a Nice Sandwich (30 Jun)

• LANGUEDOC - THE CHRISTIAN MUSICAL! About a Crusade Against Heretics in France (3 Jul)
• A FLY THAT'S THE SIZE OF A BIRD! But It's Awfully Slow (4 Jul)
• SUPERHERO RESCUED BY CHURCH GROUP! "Captain Mighty" Flew Into a Mountain; Found By Hikers (15 Jul)
• ROGER WILLIAMS, BAPTIST FOUNDER, COULD ENERVATE HIS RIVALS WITH HIS PREACHING! ... Or Else He Was Just Boring (17 Jul)
• DELAWARE TOWN GOES ON VACATION ALL AT ONCE! Arranged a Swap With a European Town (20 Jul)
• IS OSAMA BIN LADEN BACK - AS A BLONDE? Strange Man in a Turban Comes In a Church (21 Jul)

• SUPERHERO DISAPPEARS IN LAVA FLOW! "Captain Mighty" Flew Into a Mountain Again (1 Aug)
• WORLD ON FIRE! North and South Americans With Flame Powers Chase Each Other - By Stagecoach in Greece! Start of a Conflagration? (20 Aug)
• SUPERHUMANS vs. LITTLE BOY! The Boy Saves His Father's Scrapbook - With a Catapult (21 Aug)
• PETERS vs. THE WORLD! A Society Says, People Named "Pete" Are Dangerous (22 Aug)
• VARA HOSEA ALBUM TO BE RECORDED IN SIBERIA! Portable Studio Set Up to Record "Top of the World" (27 Aug)
• THE SPIDER-BABE SISTERS WORK IN A MEN'S ROOM! They Carry One Executive Patron Out on a Toilet Seat (28 Aug)

• GIANT GORILLA CAN READ PALMS! When He Reads A Robot's, The Lifeline Goes On Forever (4 Sep)
• BALLOONIST AND THE TEXAS REVOLUTION! In 1836, Some People Were Already Experimenting With Aviation in Border States (5 Sep)
• ASTRONAUT INTERVIEW GOES BAD! On CNN, Interviewer and Notorious Lady Astronaut Insult Each Other On Camera (9 Sep)
• BUT HOW DO THEY FEEL ABOUT KNOBS? Interviewer Asks the Amish How Far They Take Their Rules About Clothing (20 Sep)

• DEMONS RUN A ROLE-PLAYING GAME! Non-Player Characters Are Like Valkyries, Only With Bigger Hooters (2 Oct)
• PYRAMID CARD GAME HAS 22,000 CARDS! Winning Strategy Also Works Well for Data Searches (3 Oct)
• MAN HAS ERECTION FOR OVER AN HOUR! If He'd Taken Drugs to Get It, He Could Have Been a Poster Boy (14 Oct)
• New York City Romance Tip: DON'T OBJECT TO ETHNIC FOOD! (22 Oct)
• WHERE WAS NEW GETTYSBURG? Somewhere Near a Railroad During Indian Wars of the 1870s, According to a Newly Discovered Journal (23 Oct)
• MARATHON BEGINS IN A HOTEL STAIRWAY! Race Officials Time the Stairway Part Separately (24 Oct)

• BEATLES IMPERSONATORS HAVE A VOLLEYBALL TEAM! "George Harrison" Especially Likes to Spike (10 Nov)
• WHY DON'T WOMEN WANT TO WRITE DOCTOR DOOM COMIC BOOKS? The Marvel Super Villain is Such a Stereotypical Male (19 Nov)
• ARTIFICIAL RICE FROM SHREDDED PINE TREES! Jennifer Aniston Invests In the Plan - But It's Not Popular in Virginia (25 Nov)
• THE NEW CHIPMUNKS! Auditions Have Trouble Finding a New Alvin (29 Nov)
• TOMMY AND THE GRINCH! New Musical About 1960s Rock Icon "Tommy" Could Change Religions, Or At Least Holidays (30 Nov)

• SWEET ONION PIE! Recipe is Popular At Christmas Parties This Year (6 Dec)