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WORLD JOURNAL MONTHLY
May 21, 2011
LATERAN SPEAKS!
Exclusive Interview with Lateran - On the Eve of the Rapture!
Correspondent: Noelle LaRue
The World Journal Monthly has interviewed Monseigneur Philippe St. Josephe Lateran before. We are the only news medium in the world to do this. Extracts from the original interview are at www.eilertech.com/stories/2004/journal_mar.htm#lateran .
Mr. Lateran was captured in Massachusetts last December. (www.eilertech.com/stories/2010/cauldron11.htm) He has been awaiting trial, under house arrest in a Catholic retreat house run by the Sisters of St. Joseph in the country town of Uxbridge. The trial will start next Monday. On the Friday before, one of the Sisters called the World Journal Monthly and arranged for an interview on Saturday morning.
Mr. Lateran insisted this interview be conducted in French. I've translated.
WJM: Thank you for talking with our magazine again, Monseigneur Lateran.
Lateran: I suppose it is my duty.
WJM: Can you tell us about your duty?
Lateran: My entire duty now is to say, I told you so. Your unholy society is falling. My prayers are answered.
WJM: Is this not your society also?
Lateran: Like any true Christian, I am in the world but not of it.
WJM: May you elaborate?
Lateran: Your readership can read of this world's catastrophe for themselves. I aspire for a better world.
WJM: Many people work to make this a better world. Why do you not?
Lateran: Naturally I do. I concentrate upon wayward women. I must admit, my own sister is one such. After great ministry to her, I brought her into the fold of Mother Church. I was then inspired to extend my ministry to other women.
WJM: Thank you for the segue... You've been connected with many women in your career. Can you comment of a housekeeper who claims she had your child?
Lateran: She is one such wayward woman. Her son could have come from anywhere. I helped her raise him, naturally. That is what the head of household does. So he has the right to call me Father. Other than that, I have no comment.
WJM: No comment on the right of "droit du seigneur", of the head of household over all women in his house?
Lateran: That thus-called right is a slander against medieval lords. There is no evidence that any lord used it.
WJM: Did you?
Lateran: Naturally I will not answer such intimate questions about my personal life.
WJM: What of the woman you abducted to your compound last December?
Lateran: I? No! Dear friends of mine had encountered a wayward woman who obviously needed deprogramming from the wicked ways of this world. I admitted her as my junior housekeeper.
WJM: How well did she work with you?
Lateran: I had that woman in my house for not even one day, before enemies attacked me. She was a hell-creature. I left her in the care of the Sisters of St. Joseph.
WJM: These enemies of yours exposed you to serious legal charges. What of those?
Lateran: Naturally you know I am scheduled to answer your world's charges on Monday. I now say, those charges are irrelevant.
WJM: Why?
Lateran: You know of the rumor, the Rapture for this sinful world is today. There is much ridicule in the media, but I know for the righteous it is true. Let me check my watch... I have two more minutes to answer questions.
WJM: Fine... You believe in the Rapture. Is it the end of the world?
Lateran: Very much not. It merely extracts the Lord's faithful to avoid judgment.
WJM: When does the judgment come for the rest of us?
Lateran: Some say, seven years from now. I say, whenever the Lord wills.
WJM: This announcement of the Rapture has been so obvious, people are setting up post-Rapture looting parties. What advice do you have for them?
Lateran: So few people are truly righteous in this world, it will be as though one person in each city is saved.
WJM: How exactly will these people be saved?
Lateran: I have my own assurance, for I am saved. All others must answer for themselves.
WJM: ... Well. Your deadline is almost here. Any final comments?
Lateran: I told you so.
*Then Lateran actually disappeared!*
(to be continued - in the next story! www.eilertech.com/stories/2011/rapture.txt)
Author's Notes:
Yes, he really believes that. Or at least he tells himself that. This therefore qualifies for High Concept Challenge "Behind Blue Eyes".
I have done this as an instant story, because the impending Rapture required it.
"Don't you never try to look behind my eyes; you don't wanna know what they have seen." - Frank Zappa, from "A Token of My Extreme".
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