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THE POWER OF THE TAPE! Clip
See the Trailer! www.eilertech.com/stories/2011/tape1.txt
Interview with The Tape's original comic-book writer.
"The Tape has a pretty standard supporting cast. His girlfriend is Janna James, and we don't worry very much about what she does for a living. His arch-nemesis is General Shitflinger. I can say shit for this interview, right? We spell that dollar sign, number sign, exclamation, plus sign. His resemblance to a chimpanzee is intentional."
Caption: Ben Edmond, March 28, 1999.
Clip starts in a mission control center. The Tape's girlfriend, civilian astrophysicist Janna James, is monitoring screens. One screen shows trajectories for Earth and Planet Diabolus which will crash into it, plus some spaceships traveling in between. Janna's military commander (and enemy of The Tape), "Spamflinger" Tregg Bandler, is ranting.
Spamflinger, into speakerphone: "Gimme the countdown on the nucular option."
Speakerphone: "Time on target three... two... one... Uhh..."
Spamflinger: "Dammit! You know what comes after one!"
Speakerphone: "It's supposed to, but it isn't. Something about that planet is stopping nuclear reactions!"
Janna: "Then it's down to The Tape." (Into a microphone) "Tape? How you doing?"
Spamflinger, ignoring Janna: "Well, get the nukes to work!"
Speakerphone: "Uh, General Bandler, there is no get the nukes to work. They're in secure mode. They don't have comms at this point. Either they work or they don't."
Spamflinger: "Aw, spam. We got to get ourselves bigger nukes, right now."
The Tape (from speakers): "Janna! I've been unfurling the solar sails since I landed! This is... Big!" (He sounds impressed, not discouraged)
Janna, looking at monitors: "General, I confirm. Sails now cover 87 percent of the planet's cross-section area to the Sun."
Spamflinger: "So what's that mean?"
Janna: "He's ahead of schedule! The solar wind is working to deflect Planet Diabolus!"
Spamflinger, to the rest of the mission room: "Confirm!"
Nameless scientist at monitor: "There is deflection on Planet Diabolus. But it's not enough. It's still going to sideswipe the Earth."
Janna, into microphone: "Do you hear that, Tape? It's working! But it needs to work a little better! You can save us! I know you can!"
Spamflinger: "Bullspam. No sail's gonna move a whole planet!"
Janna: "But it is! The Tape can make tape stick to anything! We gave him a planet's worth of double-sided-sticky aluminum duct tape! It not only reflects the solar wind, it sticks to space to slow things down!
Spamflinger: "More bullspam. How the hell?"
Janna: "On Earth, his glider sticks to the air. In space, it's sticking to interplanetary hydrogen! And so is his solar sail! The hydrogen reacts to the solar wind and drives the planet away even more!"
The Tape: "ARRRH!"
Nameless scientist: "The trajectory for Diabolus is changing! It's going to miss the Earth!"
General jubilation.
Janna: "Okay, Tape. Come on home... Tape? Tape?"
Author's Notes:
This episode is online at www.eilertech.com/stories/2011/tape2.txt .
The movie's science is intentionally loose. I doubt the movie writers really care what the interplanetary radio transmission delay is, or where The Tape put a planet's worth of tape.
"Spamflinger" was called "$#!+flinger" (yes, with the special characters) in The Tape's comic books. You can bet there's lots of fanboy outrage that his movie name makes him look less like a vengeful chimpanzee and more like a cafeteria lady.
(signed) Scott, heh, actually cruised cable TV for inspiration while writing this, and thereby watched Planet Apokolips slowly pass the Moon headed for Earth. Okaaay. We're swiping each other's plot devices at this point.
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