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The Villain War of 2011
Prelude to the Summer of Discontent
WORLD JOURNAL MONTHLY
March 14, 2011
NUNNERY INVASION!
Prelude to a Villain War?
Correspondent: Bill Blau
The World Journal Monthly had a correspondent inside Saint Cecelia's Motherhouse and Novitiate in Nashville, Tennessee to observe the following.
...
Mother Superior Barbara of the Sisters of Saint Cecelia exploded. Not literally, but you'd think it from her voice. "No! You shall not bring your gynecologists into our Motherhouse or our Novitiate!"
Eric X calmly said, "You have no choice. I will not admit claims of spoilage while I occupy your den of evil."
"You call us evil? You who have breached our gates with violence?"
"Oh, please. The only violence was to the gates themselves. My troops have been exemplary in their conduct. I hired only New Israelites. They respect religious orders."
The Mother Superior sputtered. "They act like barbarians!"
"What do you expect. They're the actual ancient Israelites who couldn't survive when God took away the manna. (www.eilertech.com/stories/2007/villainwar.htm#nowwhat ) Did you expect your predecessors in your One True Faith to not shit behind bushes?"
"Blasphemer! Moses had cleanliness rules!"
"Which involved latrines. Digging holes behind bushes, that is. But I have not come to debate rabbinical doctrine. This is judgment. You have harbored my enemies."
The Mother Superior scowled but said nothing as Eric X continued. "You lodged Eve St. Marie Lateran here last November. Here she made deals to release her brother Philippe St. Joseph from his duties to me. Philippe then conspired to overthrow the United States Government. That makes him many people's enemy. You will get no help from outside."
"Sister Eve came to us under the Sacrament of Confession. We are bound to not reveal that discussion."
"Oh, please. I already know your Brother Philippe is with the Sisters of St. Joseph in Massachusetts. We will return him to captivity soon enough, when we cut off his means of escape. Instead I'm interested in what records you have that helped him escape his imprisonment in my sovereign nation."
"You claim that island you hide on is sovereign?"
"But of course. Do you have computers here? Have you heard of anything.tv? My nation Tuvalu owns that Internet domain."
"None the less, Tuvalu has no claim here."
"Mother Superior, you must have noticed the news in recent months. The Tea Party Rebellion started in Tennessee. Right here in Nashville. Right outside your nunnery windows. At that hotel." Eric X pointed away from the Mother Superior's window view of downtown Nashville. She knew he meant the Maxwell House Hotel, still vacant after rioting. (www.eilertech.com/stories/2010/cauldron2.htm )
The Mother Superior responded, "We had no part in that!"
"My allies are unconvinced. They will not invade your nunnery themselves. But to them, any physical incursion will be just another neighborhood incident to them. Any computer incursion you claim tonight shall officially not have happened. And please don't claim rape. That's why I brought the gynecologists."
"Are you claiming sanction from the U.S. Government for your atrocity?"
"Oh, please. You rule women. You know the language of sanction. No further comment."
"But-"
An invader gagged the Mother Superior. Eric X said, "Really. No further comment. Ms. Robinson, if you would...?"
A red-haired woman behind Eric said, "The password is Sacrament. With a dollar sign for the S."
"How appropriate," Eric said as the Mother Superior did her best to growl.
WORLD JOURNAL MONTHLY
Msrch 18, 2011
INTERVIEW WITH THE SATANIST!
Reaction to the Villain War?
Correspondent: Aaron B. Jeremy
The World Journal Monthly interviewed Auge von Shaitan outside a Sons of Norway lodge in Bothell, Washington, USA. Policemen had gone to that lodge to investigate murders, apparently ritualistic. The assailant or assailants drank some of the victims' blood.
...
(WJM) Sir, how should I address you?
(von Shaitan) Von Shaitan is honor enough.
(WJM) People have accused your Church of Satan of involvement in the murders here. How do you react?
(von Shaitan) The Church of Satan doesn't believe in death. We believe in living life to the fullest, devoid of religious laws.
(WJM) What do you say to reports that you personally were seen here on the day of the murders?
(von Shaitan) I am known to have not been involved, for I was seen elsewhere at the time.
(WJM) Can you speculate on the motive for the murders, then?
(von Shaitan) There's no denying, blood has power. Even the Christian Scriptures forbid the drinking of blood. That which is forbidden has extra power. Some misguided people within our church might conclude, because we forbid the taking of human life, there is power in taking it. But of course we revere life, for that is all we are given before we die.
(WJM) There's been news this week about another incursion. What do you think of the recent nunnery invasion in Nashville?
(von Shaitan) Satanists believe in liberty, more than anyone does. We deplore religious oppression, even against Catholic nuns.
(WJM) Do you think there was some ulterior motive to that invasion?
(von Shaitan) The Mother Superior of that place stated that her mind had been fogged by an invading mentalist. In my church we fear this is the start of a Federal suppression of all churches, using rogue mentalists as pawns. We specifically would like to ask the location of one Wendie Robinson, until recently with a government superhuman team known as The Combine.
(WJM) Do you think your church is specifically threatened by this invasion?
(von Shaitan) Of course Satanists are always suspect. But I'm confident none can find a link between that Catholic nunnery and my own church.
(WJM) Is there some link between your church and the Brother Lateran who's at the heart of the case?
(von Shaitan) I know of none.
(WJM) Eric X published a report of a cultist who broke Lateran out of captivity in the nation of Tuvalu. The report says the cultist had magic power, said "Hail Satan", and died on the spot. Do you have any comment on this report?
(von Shaitan) In our congregation we do not command. We say, Do What You Will. Obviously this congregant sympathized with this evil priest for some reason known mostly to Our Dark Lord. The will and magic power of this one congregant was enough to overwhelm this poor island nation security.
(WJM) Might he have had help?
(von Shaitan) Only from those who would help him. We say, Do What You Will.
(WJM) What do you plan, for you and your church?
(von Shaitan) It's obvious our Earth has been challenged since its orbit was changed. I know that Higher Powers can help us through this time, if we only approach them the right way.
(WJM) How would you do that?
(von Shaitan) I would sacrifice all that we hold most important. I know that Christians agree with me on this. Christians disagree with me on what the Higher Power is, even as they quarrel with the rest of the world about that. But the fundamental principle remains. Sacrifice to Higher Power, and you shall retain what it leaves behind, and it shall leave you what you need to live.
(WJM) It's easy to preach sacrifice. As a Satanist, you know how people sometimes sacrifice in weird ways. How would you tell people to sacrifice?
(von Shaitan) I do not tell people how to sacrifice. No one in our church does that.
(WJM) Do you have a specific plan for your own church in this crisis?
(von Shaitan) The prayers of those in our church have revealed the coming of certain mystic artifacts. We believe Higher Power is sending them to us. We shall sacrifice those.
(WJM) If mystic artifacts should happen not to arrive to save humanity, do you recommend anything specific for individuals or our society to survive the present crisis?
(von Shaitan) Do what you will.
World Journal Monthly Editor's Statement, by Joyce Darcy.
I'm pleased to introduce our new reporters: Bill Blau, Aaron B. Jeremy, and Noelle LaRue. They each have special abilities to track down the weird news you know and love. You saw Bill and Aaron's work in this article, and you'll see Noelle's soon.
Please note our editorial policy, just like in the rest of the news media. We have impartial news reporting, and hard-hitting editorials.
That said... Oh, please. Both Eric X and Auge von Shaitan are full of bullshit. Not just shit, bullshit. They're both bulls. They're each planning to take over the world, in different ways. Eric wants to capture someone. Auge wants something for one of his rituals, and he's mad because Eric might get in the way. They're both evading questions about exactly what or how. Somehow they're on a collision course. I hope they wipe each other out.
Author's Notes:
This story takes place before "Britannia Beach". (www.eilertech.com/stories/2011/britannia_beach.txt ) It's basically catch-up, to bring some characters up to date before I tell the world what happened after Britannia Beach and before the recent Super-Wizard incursion.
I'm once again letting correspondents cover things it makes sense for them to cover, instead of just letting someone from outside (such as the infamous Chancellor Wyatt) write the story. Bill found one thing for this story, and Aaron found another. As for Noelle, "Britannia Beach" was her first article, if you'd like to keep track. You might well already guess how Noelle got that scoop, but I'm going to make you wonder about the others for a while.
I'm going to be writing stories as quickly as I can until I catch up, ideally two per weekend. I'd guess five more stories are coming. You can actually see the plan at www.eilertech.com/stories/2011/index.php#discontent . I'm likely to make these all "instant stories", or at best one day for review of each one.
... Uh oh, here's one now! If I don't post it now, I'll never leave it alone. Of course I'm making changes, though. "Britannia Beach" benefitted from many such.
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