The Adventures of Me in Comic Books: Startup Escalation 1999 Death 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 .


Once upon a time, I was deputized by Death. Honestly, I never thought it would amount to much, because Death is usually powerful enough to do her own job. But sometimes she does need mortal advocates, as I've found out. But to start this story...

There is a particular strain of alien armor that's made a few appearances on Earth.

  • I once took a corporate mission alongside DuoPolarity of Boston, to save an alien despot named "Urr" from a planet full of Mindless Ones. We wore living alien armor for the mission. It had several small living components, covering various parts of the body. These components continually attacked each other, on different and the same suits.
  • When one component dominates the suit, it starts attacking the mind of the person who wears it. This has happened three times on Earth. The first was the U.S. Government hero called "Scudbuster", who was always subject to mental lapses. First he defected to Ellipsis, a mutant telepath with superhuman employees, and the mortal enemy of the US Gov. Then he kidnapped Ellipsis's wife, Julie Wolcott. Of course, he was killed by Ms. Wolcott's superhuman bodyguard, Stonewater. I met Stonewater once... well, actually, three times now. But that's another story.
  • The second was Julie Wolcott herself. The Scudbuster armor snuck onto her and possessed her; she wears it now. So far, she's resisted mental deterioration.
  • The third was Ted Clark, a founding member of DuoPolarity of Boston (that company I've worked for). He kept his suit of alien armor for examination, and once wore it in a fight against a villain. This armor almost literally ate his mind; he's on life support in a hospital now. And this leads to an adventure...

    Deputy Champion of Death

    Another Adventure of Me in Comic Books

  • Ted's in Beth Israel Hospital, in Brookline, Massachusetts. He's a mental vegetable. Stephen Wolcott, a.k.a. Ellipsis, the greatest mentalist in the world, was unable to rouse him.
  • Ted's wife Ingrid reads his "living will", which states: If he is ever incurable and on life support, he wishes to be terminated. Ingrid begins to make arrangements.
  • Unfortunately, the US Gov is interested in analyzing a living subject of the alien armor. Julie Wolcott isn't playing, but they have Ted under guard.
  • Ingrid isn't standing for this. She's organizing a confrontation. She, her sister Karen, and their stepfather Hudson are marching down from Kenmore Square, attracting supporters along the way.
  • Meanwhile, I'm off to get another old friend of Ted (Shelly Douglas, his secretary) and bring her to the bedside. I don't drive in Boston unless I have to... but I have a fully functional "Evil Wing" anti-gravity aircraft, built out of duct tape. Really.
  • Ingrid's column has run up against a police and military blockade, and there's a demonstration under way. I buzz the whole area with my Evil Wing, which by now is playing another Pink Floyd song, "Goodbye Blue Sky". You know, that song that starts out, "Look, Mummy, there's an aeroplane up in the sky."
  • The police know better than to shoot at it; if they miss, the bullets fall back to earth at original velocity. They have a helicopter, but it doesn't quite bounce off buildings as harmlessly as my Evil Wing does, so it's not flying as low. All in all, they're helpless.
  • Chaos ensues, and the barricades collapse. Ingrid and company make it to the hospital on foot, while I land on the roof.
  • My friends are stuck at the front door. Apparently the police thought to guard that separately from the barracades. And Shelly and I have a plainclothes agent trying to arrest us on the roof.
  • Luckily, my superpower for the day kicks in. I usually get a different power every day, and I don't always know what it is going in. But I've just figured it out now. And I am now absolutely certain that nothing is going to stop us from where we're going. My power as the Deputy Champion of Death has now become official.
  • So, as soon as the Gov points its first hired gun at us, I say to Shelly, "Don't worry, you're off limits today."
  • Then my body turns dark, and a sort of skull mask covers my face. And I start speaking in rhyme. (Shelly told me what I looked like afterward. She said, combined with my Texas-style corduroy funeral-wear, it was quite spooky. Especially the corduroy.)

    The nearest agent said... I said... Death did... Then...
    "You're landing in a restricted zone! You're under arrest!" "You all will fight against me, but you still know my name.
    "You may deny my mission, but I come all the same."
    The agent ducks for cover. We go to the stairwell. The door is locked.
    (into a walkie-talkie) "Code Red! We're under fire, dammit!" "You lock your doors against me, but I observe no doors." The door pops open. Another agent is behind it, with a pistol.
    "Hands up!" "You raise up guns, but what you shoot is mine to take, not yours." The gun jams. The agent hits me with it. It bounces off. I slam him into a wall, and he falls unconscious. We go down the stairs to Ted's level, then open the door. An agent lunges at me.
    "Kiai!" Then he hits me in the gut, and then all around. "You strike at what you fear the most, with guns and fists and feet.
    "But I am what you fight against, so you must know defeat."
    This martial artist isn't hurting me. I slam him down the hallway. This quiets him down. There's another agent down the hallway. It looks like he was ready for supporting fire.
    "It's not working! Either he's a lot stronger, or it's not him!" "You seem to think the thing you fight is just another man.
    "But I am something different and I fit into no plan."
    The agent picks up his companion and ducks into one of the rooms. It's clear now, down to Ted's room. But that's where they ducked.

  • Shelly's been following me in a daze. But now she realizes she's just been walking through a firefight.
  • My friends Ingrid, Karen and Hudson are inside. They were always resourceful; I bet they could have made it past the government agents at the front door, even if I hadn't set up one hell of a diversion.
  • But speaking of government agents, there were four of those inside as well. And the guy in charge starts yelling at me. Another one starts moving toward me, and she looks like she has a taser.
  • "Enough." The entire room goes dark, though the people inside remain visible. The nearest agent jumps back. Her taser bumps into the life-support machinery, and it fails. Then the agents go dark, leaving only us and Ted.
  • Ted stands up and gets out of bed. Ingrid runs to him, and they hug. She turns to me and says, "How did you do it? Ellipsis couldn't bring him back to save his life."
  • "Neither could I. Not to save his life." Ingrid starts crying.
  • But Ted says, "Lovely Ingrid, I've so much to say to you. But I see where I have to go now. It's like another big exploration."
  • We let them speak privately for a while... and then we see Ted off into the afterlife. I point out the places to avoid, such as certain cities of the dead. But he's eager to go explore the rest. And the rest of us return to the land of the living by a different route, which government agents aren't watching.
  • Postlude

  • Ingrid told me and Shelly about those agents later. They worked for the U.S. Government - and four of them were superhumans who usually fought Ellipsis! Apparently they were expecting a major assault by him, to deny them the alien armor. Of course, we could barely care less about that stupid armor, but they were literally denying Ted's legal will.
  • Speaking of legality, the Gov isn't pressing charges. According to Ingrid's legal counsel, all they could charge most of us with is criminal trespass - and even that is unlikely, since the whole thing went down during hospital visiting hours. More likely we could charge the Gov with malicious harassment.
  • I, on the other hand, flew an unregistered aircraft into controlled airspace (the city of Boston, that is) and resisted arrest by legal authorities afterwards. (I did get my Evil Wing back eventually. Ingrid and I figured out how to remote-control it out of a Government impound lot. I just don't dare fly it again.) But...
  • Fortunately my superpower for the day was, Deputy Champion of Death. Death Itself once gave someone I know the Champion-of-Death-power. And that person deputized me. Really. And the power of Death is a bit greater than even that of Ellipsis.
  • My friends tell me, during most of that episode I looked like I was wearing a death mask. It came and went, depending on how much Deathpower was flowing through me. If they hadn't been expecting me, they wouldn't have recognized me.
  • So, as near as we can figure, the Government doesn't know it was me at the scene, wading through their finest superhumans without even noticing. Let's hope they never find out.
  • The End. (12 August 1999)
    This web site is affiliated with the Death Resources web page.

    The Adventures of Me in Comic Books: Startup Escalation 1999 Death 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 .