Hey, Kids! It's the very first Me In Comic Books stories! Now that optical character recognition technology has finally gotten viable for my old Apple ][e printouts, the originals are finally starting to come online!
And this means, I can explain how I first had quality time with the Avengers in the Marvel Universe - and how I first visited New York City in 1988!
One day, the Avengers decided they wanted to see me in New York City. They sent Captain America in to Hyperion Services to fetch me. Oh, great.
Yes, Cap's a great hero and all, but he ranks down there with the Massachusetts combination State Police and insurance industry in my personal cosmology. He's done so ever since that time when the skeletal demon used my body as a platform for vengeance against nuclear weapon systems. (Never mind that I was entirely on the demon's side for that one.) The Avengers beat me around a bit before the demon left me. I thought Cap had come to interrogate me some more about that incident.
As for New York City, it seems to be a magnet for international and even interdimentional weirdness. I'd be happy if Manhattan got sank out at sea or something, if only we could humanely resettle all those crazy New Yorkers who like to stuff themselves into skyscrapers. Anyway, I noticed Cap was surprised to see me. He recognized me from that demon fight. Maybe he hadn't come to ask me about that, after all.
All the same, when I picked up my traveling bag which I keep in my car trunk on general principle, I made sure it wouldn't get in the way if I could get a chance to circumvent custody in an impromptu manner. Just in case.
But on the way down to New York in the Avengers' quinjet, the Captain told me the topic was different this time. The Vision had some anomalies in his memory which they thought I could help with. I don't know why. I may be a good computer programmer, but I'm not that good. And Cap was rather vague on the details.
In Avengers' Mansion, in an ultra-secure briefing room, the current Avengers were waiting for me. And they finally told me the story. And it was a familiar one.
It seems I'd sent a letter to Daimon Hellstrom, a demonologist whom the Avengers occasionally consult, detailing an incident during which I fought alongside the Vision against two gods of war.
"Hey, that was a story I wrote!" It was one of my odder stories. Until then, I'd had no urge to include myself, under my own name, in my prospective comic book plots. I'd never included the Vision either, for that matter. And I had no idea why I'd send the story to a demonologist in San Francisco - especially a fictional demonologist whose address I could only have made up, for Hellstrom was in my story too. But I did send it to my brother, and maybe there was this other woman... but I can't remember.
The Vision responded, "Your narrative account matches and corroborates a satellite backup which was made from my memory banks - until the time when your story states we departed for Olympus."
"You have satellite backups? Not bad."
"Yes, it is good. It is a recent development which was necessitated by -"
She-Hulk says, "Shut up, Vizh."
[Author's Note, 2004: At the time, being 1988, the Vision had just been shut down by the government! He's an android, so they knew how to do that. The Avengers had to reassemble him and reboot him from backups, and their backups were kind of insufficient.]
The Vision continued: "- In any case, the backup system was functional, and was used to restore my memory after this incident. I may therefore state conclusively that your narrative is partially factual, at a minimum. But a gap remains in my memory. I am especially concerned, considering what my memory backups tell me of the system environment for these events."
Captain America leans forward. 'In other words, you know what happened to the Vision and other superheroes during a cosmic event of... nearly unparalleled proportions. The nation needs your knowledge for our records."
I was tempted to ask what the nation had to do with Avengers secret records, but I didn't feel like an argument. I just said, "If my story's true and you took it from this demonologist, you know as much as I do."
But it wasn't that simple. It seems the Avengers have devices which stimulate the memory. They've tried these out on themselves - and no one else; I asked. And, of course, these devices don't work on the Vision. And. of course, their pet demonologist wasn't volunteering. They wanted me to try one out for myself.
I should have refused, but I've always been a sucker for knowledge. So I went under their machine.
I woke up screaming, "Jessica!"
So I helped the Avengers update their records. Maybe that'll get me in good with them. One never knows when that might come in handy.
I wonder if they'll interrogate my brother next. Sorry, bro. But hey, if you still have access to that suit of powered armor, maybe they'll recruit you.
It seems my friend Jessica was one Jessica Drew, a private investigator. She's moved out of San Francisco - forwarding address Madripoor. (The Avengers were happy to check for me.) Forget it; I'll never go visit one of those places where Americans are prey. Unless I'm sent there on business. Like Paris, but worse.
I wonder if she'll ever be back?
Or if she'll remember me when she returns?
One Day in New York City