The Adventures of Me 2004

Jehovah's Favorite Candles. A hobo-evangelist is going around with two candles, to show people what the love of God is like. The candles are positively hypnotic, and the fire spreads between them no matter how far they're apart.

Asterix on the Shores of Time. I was involved in one of those DuoPolarity events last Christmastime. Some people from both the invading universes got away - and so did one of our own villains. And, of course, I get to find out where they went. It starts when yet another villain captures me. (6 Mar)

Marching on Georgia Again. The Governor of Georgia, some guy named "Sonny Perdue" of all things (hey, could I make this stuff up?), is allied with the Governor of Texas, who's got a lot of rhetoric against Aleutian independence. So Georgia's putting forth the proposition that the states may rebel in support of Federal law - as the states so interpret.

• Oh goody, the South wants to rise again, only wrapped in the Union flag this time. And there's no shortage of loonies who'll buy into that blather, as long as it has plenty of rhetoric about Jesus and famlees and puppies. Really.
• But there's an internet lawyer in Springfield, Illinois who cares enough to organize a march against this. The theme of this march is, "General Sherman, Atlanta Needs You Now!" And there's a lot of nationwide volunteers for this march.
• I am actually famous enough in organizing marches for him to hire me on. So I do my patriotic and mercenary duty, and arrange for the march to come straight in to Atlanta (yes, it is the Georgia state capital) from its thickest layer of suburbs, to the northwest. Just like General Sherman wanted to.
• Despite our legal preparations, the march is blocked. The governor's brought out the National Guard (plus a bit of the local population) to block the roads in from Marietta where we start out.
• I would consider stopping the march... but the boss is not having that. And hey, we got the legal right. So we cut around the blockades, through apartment complexes in Smyrna (I'm pretty good at finding shortcuts through apartment complexes), holding signs saying, "Pretend We're Besieging."
• We are opposed everywhere, but we peacefully divert. And we do eventually encircle the city. Just like General Sherman did. (Like I said, we have a lot of volunteers.) Which is enough to make our point for the national news. Which is to say, does Atlanta really care enough about its idea of rebellion to want to be sieged again? (22 Mar)

Demon Seed, or Djinnesis. Back in 2001, I made a deal with the world's two most powerful evil mages, for us not to mess with each other. One mage broke the deal last month. Now, I guess the other has to do it too. (16, 20 Apr)

Showtime! Perhaps I've mentioned my latest project: an appearance in a stage play about the Greenland Rebellion. Ironically, there's no Me part in the play, even though I had a pretty big role in the real thing; here, I'm portraying Ellipsis. As Ellipsis, I get to put on some short-range magnetic flying gear, fly around the stage, and read the Declaration of Rebellion. And we've hit the road to England! (20, 27 Apr)

Winning the Peace. I've spent the year so far, cleaning up my Enemies List. Now, I'm back in a favorite old town where I lived once, with Judy my favorite old lady (well, two years my senior), and I'm ready to retire. But stories don't always end just because the writers retire, and wars don't always end just because you capture the leaders.

Hit The Fan. I thought things were finally quieting down a bit... at least by my standards. But no.

DominationFest! I've become the sponsor of a street fair... in Wisconsin, near the alien Jellyfish country! (15 July)

In the Wake of Magellan. While I'm partying, the news gets bad on the other side of the world. And in a roundabout way, it might be my fault. (14 July)

Calling Out the Guards. The United Nations is mobilizing its reservists to deal with the increasing world crises. And the reserves would actually include me... sort of. (19, 21, 22 July)

Quadrangle. My ladyfriend is leaving my business to go work for the world's most powerful superhuman - the same one who sparks a lot of those crises the UN is worried about. And it's not that I hold a grudge, but now that same superhuman's wife is leaving his business to come work for me! Oh, shit, he probably does hold a grudge. (26 July, 1 August)

Dear Diary, or The Adventures of Ultimate Me. Every hero is getting a souped-up younger "ultimate" version of himself these days, and so am I. (5 August)

Without My Red Right Hand. Twice before this, in support of Plan Joab and the Silly Days Parades, I've actually travelled the world as part of a Master Plan. And I think I might have actually changed the world. Well, my bossy new partner wants me to try it again... and this time, I don't have superhuman powers to help me. (12, 15 August)

Yamashita's Gold. Yes, I'm supposed to be changing the world, but I've been diverted - and then I diverted myself again. I've been sent to the Philippines! (19, 20, 21, 24, 27 August )

Super Savior. Someone else is going into the world-changing business. And he's got his own section in the World Journal Monthly now... with a few stories designed to discredit his competition. And I have to admit, I helped him out with the nun's story. In my defense, the FERG got paid for it, thank you for the assignment Ms. Wolcott... and "Super Savior" hadn't gone public yet.

Return of the Cicadas. A few of us chaos mages are at a women's marathon, looking for a woman who used to mentally dominate us. (Remember, the Countess?)

But all we find are the lady programmers of a project I've worked on. They playfully wring out their wet swimsuits at us as they come up the hill from their canoes. (Hey, maybe it's a canoe triathlon.) No Countess. But still there are signs of mental domination.

There's a theory, it's cicadas. We're having a major cicada infestation this year. And the Catholic Church blames the Necronomicon on cicadas. It seems cicadas have a bad reputation, for sounding like demons. What if it's true?

If things go wrong at this point, we'll be reading children's stories about Fred the Lonely Cicada, who's been lonely ever since Pope Gregory decreed that insects get no social services. So, for once, we sensibly just leave things alone. Not that it helps, but at least it's not our fault for once. (17 Oct)

Picture the Future. It's presidential election time. And people are starting to make their plans. But in this universe, the politics are a little different. (30 Sep, 7 Oct, 17 Oct, 23 Oct, 25 Oct)

Thanks to politics, our universe's leading superhuman has now disappeared. The news might be a little crazy this month. Or it may be very much the same...

The Boys of Passover. Everyone on my world is looking forward to the famous superhuman baseball game, "The Boys of November II". And I was going to be there this year. But my life is never that easy. (20, 23 Nov)

I'd like to take it easy for the holidays. Maybe I can get through this month's journal without spawning another entire web page story... nope, guess not.

Power in the Blood. Seeing as how as of last month we have a President-elect who swears to protect God-fearin' Americans against superhumans, and seeing as how I've been superhuman at times, and seeing as how I kind of live in America, I suppose I'd best check in with the Prez's staff. (8, 9, 11, 19, 26, 30 Dec)