Assessment - Superhuman World 2008

Me in the Superhuman World:
Startup Escalation 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 2009 .
This Year: Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun Jul Aug A Prequel Sep Oct Nov Assessment Dec .

Superhuman World 2008 is a work of fiction. The characters herein and the commentary about them should not be considered "real".

SUPERHUMAN WORLD 2008

Assessment

November - December 2008

Announcement

My boss pays me to analyze the superhuman news. After she's got what she can out of it, we sell my assessment to the Superhuman World web site, and everyone's happy.

This month, an assortment of stories, plus a feature on pirates from below. Enjoy!

(signed) Wyatt Ferguson.

November

The Undersea Connection. Commentator: Wyatt Ferguson.

Unnoticed by our world's governments, there is an underwater civilization. It's getting some attitude now - and some world power.

Leo and Fuego de la Tierra are militiamen now - and recovering from another reality shift, fortunately only involving themselves instead of the whole world. Leo's saying it's time to say goodbye to the temporary teammates. But el Fuego was serving with a Subhuman female he didn't like. (30 Oct)
- This militia is known to have at least one member from under the sea. In September they were willing to take hostages to prevent people from telling his story. Fortunately for the world I was on the job, and telling stories is what I do.
- The undersea "Sub-Human" people sent out a mission to try and make that Never Was. The militiaman "Sub-Man" couldn't make it, so they sent out "Sub-Woman".
- They had an artifact from ancient Atlantis to help them. Fortunately for the world, ancient Atlantis is roughly the same as ancient Crete, and not nearly as powerful as some people think. All it can do is send two people into the past - and only within their lifetimes, to a "time of destiny". These two militiamen volunteered for this mission, maybe due to lack of other personal commitments.
- Fuego de la Tierra is Chilean, from the old Superhuman World 2004 where he had to fight to survive against an Argentine death squad. He's kind of lost in our new world.
- Leo's been kind of messed up lately, due to negative publicity from a nebulous media force. Also, he's been the butt of jokes involving invisible aliens. Though admittedly, has anyone ever actually seen the Zarkonites? (1 Apr)
- Also at various times Leo has had to flee from vampiric love; he's been thrown out of Major League Baseball for going public with his superhuman power; he's gotten himself a LeoMobile without learning how to drive; he's grown enough extra body parts to be called the Cat of Nine Tails; he's been cloned - and then convinced he was the clone; and he's been married to a supermodel - until he sold his marriage to the Devil. This is much like Spider-Man in the comic books, except nobody makes fun of Spider-Man the way they do of Leo. About the only silly thing Leo hasn't done is accidentally put on an alien costume with attitude; too many other people actually want those outfits to leave one lying around.
- As they leave, Leo's getting chased by vampires, until he time-travels to December 2005 and finds himself attracting their wrath in the first place. This time, he embraces the Vampire Rose whom once he spurned. Now, Leo is their super-powered vampire king. (24 Nov)
- Vampires have an arch-enemy: Philippe St. Joseph Lateran! I know Lateran as an evil bishop. But Lateran always was concerned about the uncontrolled agents of supernatural powers - vampires most of all.
- Under the reign of Leo the Vampire King, Lateran has been hunted, drained, and then denied the life of the undead. Now, he lives as their mortal thrall - under suspicion from everyone.
- These vampires are not servant-vampires like those who work for the Russians. But as shadow-powerful as they are, they can't make anything Never Was. Still, they can lead the Subhumans to new allies.
- Our Superhuman World does not have Frankenstein monsters or wolf men, but it does have one creature whom the vampires can recommend. And she's got connections now...
The feral woman Wolven (a.k.a. The Wolf-Woman of Iowa) and a new superhuman "Eric X" go to a Pacific island to help a coup. Then they get a nuke exploded nearby, and have to share iron skin and healing factor to survive. And Eric X is taking over. (6 Nov)
- Some of our world's superhumans (myself included) can pick their powers from a pool. Others can swap powers among themselves. Eric X has figured out how to do both - under an assumed name influenced by comic books, of course. And he's thinking big, or at least bigger than certain evil mayors.
- The Pacific island nations of Kiribati and Tuvalu are both on track to be underwater within fifty years. Either one of them will serve as a base, if only its natives get desperate enough and then Eric X can just keep part of it above water.
- According to the CIA World Factbook, Tuvalu is traditionally rebellious (against what would later become Kiribati) due to ethnic issues. It's also free-wheeling enough to rent out its internet domain *.tv (fortunately, TV also stands for "television"), and more nearly underwater; its highest point is five meters above the ocean surface, as opposed to 80 meters in Kiribiti. Eric X therefore targets there.
- There actually are nukes around the region. France was testing their nukes there as recently as 1995. May there have been an unreported dud? Apparently there was.
- Wolven has been around since the dawn of the old Superhuman World 1991.
  - She even fought Ellipsis once, before he gained the power to immolate her flesh from her bones. But had he been able to try it, the flesh might have grown back; Wolven seems to have a hyperactive healing factor.
  - But she's still practically feral, until Eric X finds her. He can access mental powers which stabilize her.
  - If anyone should ever clean Wolven up, she's kind of snaggletoothed but otherwise attractive. Men might even admire her for her large breasts, the same way the wolves did. Wolves can live on woman-milk, after all.
- Eric X's plot succeeds, once he and Wolven survive the nuclear blast. He is given emergency powers, and is likely to become the next Prime Minister there. Once he does, he's likely to not acknowledge Queen Elizabeth as his monarch any more.
- The South Pacific suddenly becomes a target of world attention. And boy, France looks bad.
- Next, figure out how to build up some of those islands. Fortunately, our world has underwater dwellers who can herd coral onto reefs. And vampires have just sent them his way.
- But also in the neighborhood, there are pirates...
There's a TV show about nine castaways in two boats. After a while they all get along, even the one who only speaks Vietnamese. And they become pirates. (14 Nov)
- Oh? Modern pirates becoming pop culture?
- It seems the Socotra Incident hasn't solved much. Even though the British of course cleared the island, there was international outcry against their using it to fight pirates. So the pirates are using it again.
- Of course there are pirates around Indonesia too. Indonesia has hundreds of small islands at least as useful as Socotra. And piracy is of great interest to Pacific island nations which are on the brink of extinction.
- The pirates may already have allies... from under the sea!
In the news: The fish say, humans are tasty when they can't reach the surface. Or at least that's what the Subhumans say. These water-dwellers are becoming annoying. I blame humanity for teaching them how to be a real Earth culture. That's probably why Bandolier was investigating them last month. (15 Nov)
And now Leo, el Fuego, and Wolven have been seen boarding a private plane together - destination Tuvalu. Eric X is not hiding his new team's presence there. And now Leo can be a Pirate Vampire King and liaison with the underwater contingent, while Eric X continues making his grander plans for world domination. (11 Dec)

The underwater connection is not a story that has a conclusion yet. But now that I see all the connections, it's definitely the start of a story. Watch this space next year!

November

SuperBeat 2008. Commentator: Wyatt Ferguson.

In my world, comic books are current events - much like the World Journal Monthly, which has jumped across the realities alongside the superhumans. And other popular culture is adapting. In the comic bargain bins, my provider advertises the Obama Bunny limited series, plus other documentary comics. (6 Nov)

Let's catch up with the rest of the world, shall we? This may develop into more stories, now that I'm finally back at work (though on perpetual travel, of course) and have finally analyzed the news like my boss pays me to.

Rocket Man. Rocket Man (formerly MX) has been progressively losing his cohesion since the last atomic test in the 1990s. That, I can believe; I never knew him to have much cohesion. (6 Nov)
Hurrier. In Germany, the Hurrier has surrendered to authorities, and is serving a nine-week prison term! (10 Nov)
- They let him out on workdays, but he has to come back to sleep. There are fat inmates crawling the halls for fitness, and an escape attempt into the harbor.
- But it's not really bad. They accept clothing for charity there, and he and the other inmates have similar tastes in music.
- Inmates are taking up a collection for beer. And after they've seen how he can repair a Swiss Army knife, they'll probably give him the knife and make him a trustee of the hardware shop. It's not like the Hurrier has special powers over hardware; he's just really competent to handle anything that doesn't have a personality.
- Looks like his mysterious contacts have gotten the Hurrier a light sentence.

Powernaut. The Powernaut is in a battle around a skyscraper, but needs one Skyhawk's help to get back to the top. It's unclear why Skyhawk is with the Power Patrol instead of making big bucks with Total Conversion; he seems too old and lawyerly to hang out with college students and do that much pro-bono work. (10 Nov)
- In a new documentary about the Powernaut Family, his wife and the kids all have powers. The big guy's supposedly gotten married - and then adopted some of his teammates, down to the fussy eight-year-old I heard of in the news. Personally, I suspect it's more of a dormitory living situation, with a suitable "house mother" and "house father". (22 Nov)
- His power's always been a matter of belief in himself. Maybe he shared.

Zorch. There's a new comic about the Zorch family. Zorch is an electrical manipulator with the Power Patrol - and his powers breed true! Might he have inspired the Powernaut - or vice versa? (15 Nov)
Wyatt Ferguson. Hey, that's me! I make the superhuman news when I try out the Ghost Rider settings on a scary new VR set. I suppose the Ghost Rider would scare most people, but not me. After all, I've been the Ghost Rider - both in the Marvel Universe and as our local equivalent. (13 Nov)
Gilette Harris. Hey, that's my partner! Gilette's in a mixed martial arts fight, across the country in Massachusetts. I go see him. Even though he's got Hercules powers, in this league when he gets beaten it's not exactly an upset. (14 Nov)
- The opponent today is Blue 9. Apparently this is what Blue 9's Big Ten college education got him.
- Rumors are, Gillette lost because he's not a "mature combatant". Which is to say, it might be because of that beer party he had while watching that TV show about pirates.

"Crusher Jen" Granholm. Michigan has put up signs to claim the Wisconsin - Illinois border! They're interested in enforcing the Great Lakes Water Compact. And now that their governor has superhuman powers like all women and is back from extradimensional captivity, she's got some interesting ideas about extending the state power. (19 Nov)
"Crusher Joe" Corrigan. There's a new Crusher Joe vs. the Secret Six movie!
- What Secret Six? It looks to me, Crusher Joe Corrigan has kind of invented some adventures. I hope he hasn't offended the Secret Masters... well, actually I hope he has, because if anyone can offend them and live, it's Crusher Joe.
- The movie is coming out for Thanksgiving, not quite in time for the election, because Crusher Joe hadn't planned on possibly being Vice President alongside Barack Obama when the next Congress is seated. But out it soon will be.
- I can see how its photo-journal might offend some people, especially the part about the ragdoll man and the woman in the box. (20 Nov)

Hedasys. There's a game about Alexander the Great vs. the Persians, in a little-known battle. And it has a Godzilla piece, whose flame breath does a number on the Persian army. But it turns into a Greek named Hedasys and hides in a swamp.

The battle was at the Cilician Gates which separate Asia Minor from the rest of Persia and Asia Major. Historians say, the Persians left that important mountain pass either practically or entirely undefended, and Alexander just marched on through - which just makes no sense.
An unnamed new source says different. Alexander had to set up a diversion - as if he'd discovered a mountain trail, just like Persians did at Thermopylae. Persians took that sort of threat seriously. Then it helped to have a sort of dragon to breathe flame on every defender left at the pass... Apparently the surviving ancient histories didn't know about Hedasys.
Coincidentally, there's a Greek named Hedasys on staff with Total Conversion now. And there's a big dinosaur on missions with them occasionally. Coincidence? I think not.
Now, how would Hedasys have survived this long? ... Swiped by aliens, of course. Despite the presence of Alexander the Great, the aliens considered Hedasys the most important person on Earth in 333 BC.

Son of Megaphone. The Son of Megaphone asks the Dancer of NYC not to claim psychoanalytical expertise. She smashes his lunch table and throws him out a window. (23 Nov)

The NYC vigilante Bandolier has taken Megaphone's son under his wing, as he did Nympho's daughter before. Bandolier may not have mentioned, Megaphone is the father of that young woman.
The Dancer is a major urban figure and a major leader, influential enough to gain Bandolier's trust. Apparently she's really forceful nowadays.

The Next Evil Bishop. I decide to start drawing "Handbook" entries on other Dominators. The first one is a African cardinal. Should I even use the word "Africa" in the entry, or would that be racist? (25 Nov)

The Anglican Archbishop of Kenya is assimilating American Episcopal churches right now, in a dispute on the topic of homosexuality. His colleagues in Nigeria, Uganda, and Rwanda are doing likewise.
The Catholic Archbishop of Kenya is reportedly defying his Pope, on the topic of condoms. What else is a faithful married couple to do, when one has AIDS?
Looks like a possible merger in Kenya - and a successor to the recently-incapacitated evil bishop Philippe St.-Joseph Lateran. As long as the resultant religious practice is based on one man, one woman, and one child if we damn well feel like it, it should be really popular.

The Next Evil Mayor. People are trying to sneak into a carnival of debauchery. The mayor is hoping for the local church's support, because their pulpit area turns into an orgy pit. Berkeley Breathed has a new cartoon strip about it; it's like Sin County. (28 Nov)

This seems to be in Peru, Indiana, where U.S. 24 meets U.S. 31. The Indy skyline looks big from here - because the carnival built their own. (27 Nov)

This seems to be someone inspired by the recently-indicted Evil Mayor Anvernacht. Why not conquer the world, starting from the small towns? It may not be as spectacular as the plan of Eric X, but at least it doesn't involve uncontrolled nuclear weapons.

Pizza Fu - the Update. There's a movie about a black woman who can send herself forth from her body as a tiny Human Torch. Even if you trap her in a cyborg's arm, she's difficult to swat. (29 Nov)

Looks like a new member of Pizza Fu's team. And they're shorthanded, so she's also their secretary. She's kind of abrasive, but at least she gets to the phone fast.

I can see a glowing maggot crawling under a man's sweater. I just hope it's not under his skin - and not really the tiny Torch. (29 Nov)

The Invisible Toledo Torpedo. There's a new vigilante on a mission of self-redemption, in a place where nobody else cares. (Oh, why not. Thanks, Patrick! 7 Dec)

His kindly aunt raised him after his parents died. Sound familiar? But unlike Spider-Man who let a man die, the Invisible Toledo Torpedo killed someone by his own hand: a little girl by a Slurpee machine, while he was robbing the 7-11.

Normal human strength, but trained to the peak of physical perfection. And so on.

The Torpedo's "invisibility" is really shadow-ninja stuff. And he can turn any object into a weapon, MacGyver style. Ultimate Darkness? Maybe if the Darkness feels like it.

He doesn't feel pain. This is itself a weakness, but also an asset in combat.

And he has a sidekick - just like the Tick! This may not be working out well, though.

Every superhero needs a handicap - other than being hated by the police, feared by the general public, and in the middle of a dysfunctional dominance relationship. The Torpedo is (ironically) impotent.

I'm kind of liking how other superhumans are stepping up to the plate to take on the hyper-adventures. Regular life is adventurous enough for me.

December

What Have We Learned This Year? Commentator: Wyatt Ferguson.

Probably nothing. But someone's got to try to make sense of this last year, and I'm paid to try. (24 Dec)

Trend: Downed Masters.

At least three of the Secret Masters are incapacitated this year:

Russell Anvernacht, corrupt mayor of Maquoketa-Iowa. Influential via U.S. Government connections to bring superhuman tech and internment camps to his precinct. Tried to take those connections too far.
M.A.N.I.C. 5, superhuman mystic. Tried to control mystic creatures once too often.
Philippe St. Joseph Lateran, superhuman Catholic bishop. Tried to oppose mystic creatures once too often.
The corrupt governor of Illinois is likewise fallen, due to an attempt to influence the upcoming U.S. Congressional decision about the recent Presidential election, thereby to promote the Illinois candidate. There's some speculation on whether he was himself a Secret Master, but at the very least, he's hosted one of their gatherings.

Each of these people has threatened a lawsuit against anyone who calls them a "villain" in public. So we can't call them villains here. In fairness, we will likewise avoid the use of the word "hero".

Trend: Superhumans in Politics.

Some "pro-social elements" of the Superhuman World are neutral by their own decision. The "Combine" has some members who served with the United Nations, and one other who influenced the last U.S. Presidential election - in the old Superhuman World 2004. The Combine refrained from endorsing any candidate.

But the superhuman "Crusher" Joe Corrigan was in politics in the old world, and he re-entered here - as running mate for Barack Obama! Analysts say, that ticket is likely to be seated once the new Congress assembles.

Trend: New Players.

New superhumans continue to emerge - and they're starting to assert themselves. In particular, it seems the Bus from Dearborn was full of superhumans ready to change the world.

The leader of the tour group seems to have taken over the town of Peru-Indiana, on the premise that the nation needs a new Maquoketa.
Eric X came from that same bus to take over part of the Pacific. Existing superhumans are forming around him.
There's evidence one of their other members contributed to a demonstration at the Centre d' Energie Atomique in Paris. At the very least, dancers moved through that crowd to capture security guards inside of cards.

Eric X isn't the only new superhuman who's leading the veteran ones... if you count Pizza Fu.

Forecast

I know my forecasts are not the most reliable. That is to say, the world hasn't seen a mass assault by super-mold like I predicted last year. Apparently the bioengineered super-cows scared the Fine Green Paste off.

... As ever, it gives me great pleasure to write a weird paragraph like that and have it be true. The specifics are ever unpredictable, but the weirdness will continue.

I've observed a three-year cycle of superhuman activity. I'm guessing the next peak year will be 2010. And the stakes will be high. In 2004, Earth 2011 was predicted to be a dystopia. Despite the changes in our Superhuman World since then, the prediction hasn't been ruled out. We're still waiting on the pandemic and the governmental breakdown, but we're on track with the weather calamities, the economic breakdown, and even the prohibited substance attack.

2009 might be a relatively slow year in comparison. But in my experience, that just means we might have to wait until March instead of January for the first blockbuster news item.

My editor and I are consulting on how best to cover the news. The greatest years of the Superhuman World web site have had multi-threaded coverage of my own adventures, the other superhumans, and News of the Weird - but never all at once. Perhaps I might continue to cut back on my own exploits, so as to make room for other coverage - but I'll believe that when I see it happen for three more months. More likely, I'll just take my proper place as subject of world coverage, as well as commentator. That'll leave room for News of the Weird.

In short, the Superhuman World web site probably isn't going away. So, watch this space for developments!

(signed) Wyatt Ferguson.

Me in the Superhuman World:
Startup Escalation 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 2009 .
This Year: Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun Jul Aug A Prequel Sep Oct Nov Assessment Dec .

The Invisible Toledo Torpedo is a character created by Patrick Warner. Crusher Joe Corrigan is a character created by Joe Fucile. Leo was created by Ray Conrad. Bandolier was created by Richard DeSautels. Spider-Man is copyright Marvel Comics. All other characters in this fiction and the phrase "Superhuman World 2008" are copyright © 2008 by Eiler Technical Enterprises. The map of the Superhuman World is based on one from Henry Bottomley's map software which is well worth a visit.