Theodore's Plan - Superhuman World 2008

Me in the Superhuman World:
Startup Escalation 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 .
This Year: Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun A Prequel Jul Aug Theodore Sep Oct Nov Dec .

Superhuman World 2008 is a work of fiction. The characters herein and the commentary about them should not be considered "real".

SUPERHUMAN WORLD 2008

Theodore's Plan

Announcement

I will admit to personal involvement, but I think this story stands on its own. Feel free to skip the talking dog content and go on to the serious stuff.

(signed) Wyatt Ferguson.

Key to the honkin' great group picture follows the story.

July

Interlude: Pizza Fu Where Are You? Commentator: Wyatt Ferguson.

After the latest Satanist attack, the superhumans of the world are catching their breath.

The Hurrier has submitted to asylum care, following charges of spousal abuse. But he may have found his way out.

He's landed in the European centre for superhuman medicine, at Federal Performance Center (Bundesleistungszentrum) Kienbaum east of Berlin, operated by the "east" Germans.
They've come closest to keeping him under sedation, but he's still awake and able to prowl the halls by surprise during a night shift. So he hears talk about one Dennis Carlsberg, one "Dr. Drugs", plotting for illicit superhuman enhancement so men can catch up with superhuman women in competition! The Hurrier would rather things happen the other direction. That is to say, women be unenhanced. (28 Jul)
The next night, the Hurrier's in a fever dream, concentrating on getting out. If only he knew the way between universes like Wyatt Ferguson does, he could make it. Suddenly he sees the way, as through a third eye! It's like a trail is marked at right angles to the universe.
Back in normal space, he's in a cabin. A note says, "Herr Katzman, you have sympathizers. If you have made it this far, you will be attended." (29 Jul)

My boss Symmetria's organization is coming under surveillance, but she's taking countermeasures.

Rap dancers are hanging around near our office, and they're being obnoxious. When the police cart some away, more arrive. They try to get passers-by to try their sport, and they put a white mark on my sweater when I don't. I eventually ride my flying phone book in to the office, even though it's unsteady. (I have all sorts of weird props.)
Ms. Symmetria says this shouldn't be a problem much longer, though. She's arranged with women's groups to bring two mystic fertility symbols together in our facility, so as to protect us from all forms of corruption. Hmm, okay, but no more nookie for me until I get my tubes tied. (28 Jul)
Later on, while I'm taking a visiting nephew shopping, I find I have a bigger problem. When I pop a forehead pimple (I'm fastidious that way), it looks like a little eye - then it slips away and disappears! Hmm, I wonder if the Eye of Satan is involved.

Enter the mystery hunters. They have a mysterious new sponsor - and a new member from the Combine!

The hunters include the journalist Sylvester Morrow, the lazy patriotic hero Private Danger, a broken-down 80's pop star/mystic named Christine Lassiter, and a goofy weredog named Pizza Fu.
By day Pizza Fu is a Long Island public relations accountant, specializing in fundraising. By night he can take the form of a bloodhound or a canine-human hybrid, who speaks with an impediment, knows martial arts, and loves pizza. He's the heart of the team... Hey, it makes as much sense as Scooby Doo. In a superhuman world, anything that's not impossible will eventually happen.
The group has a mysterious wealthy backer, who commissions them to unmask some villainous plots. Could be that old Eye of Satan guy again...
Karen Bodil's leaving the Combine (temporarily) to join the hunters! Their backer considers sending Pizza Fu to work with the Combine in exchange, just to taunt their more serious members. But first they have a mission...

There are flying battle cows which throw baseballs like artillery from specially-shaped-hooves! But they tend to get their heads stuck in fences a lot, and they submit if you hit them once. (31 Jul)

The real purpose of the cows is as a counter-measure to the superpowered plant lifeform known as the Fine Green Paste. Until now, nothing could successfully eat the Paste. But when a superpowered mammal with two stomachs eats it, it stays eaten.
This would all be well and good, but some of the neighbors have reported strangeness and property damage. Flying cows and super-cud are not easy things to keep on the farm. And the farm skirted all sorts of import laws to bring Fine Green Paste into the country.
The cows are being bred on a farm near Maquoketa, Iowa, the home of Evil Mayor Anvernacht, one of the Secret Masters. The mayor promised them security.
But with Karen Bodil helping, the mystery hunters brought in the scandal. Pizza Fu helped out especially: he talks with animals just as well as with humans.
Like all good mystery hunters, they left the evildoers saying, "If it weren't for that damn dog..." And now that Mayor Anvernacht is concentrating on legal defenses, they've changed the balance of power. Now what will the other master villains do?

August

Theodore's Plan. Commentator: Wyatt Ferguson.

People are freezing themselves into suspended animation in a church basement next Wednesday. Theodore Ketzel of the Combine is leading them. He's had quite enough of the present day. (15 Aug)

Theodore is an old Purdue University buddy of mine. He was kind enough to hang out with a lowly undergraduate like me at the time, and I'm forty-something, so he's about fifty-something.
He never wanted a life of adventure, but it found him anyway. For one thing, he's the inventor of the Heid-Ketzel robots. The robots have hunted me several times (1995, 1996, 2003), but the cult behind them had already captured and exploited him.
After the cult finally got shut down (2003), Theodore landed with DuoPolarity of Boston / Maquoketa. He was therefore in the line of fire when DuoPolarity's enemies from the Lunar colony attacked them (2007). He got shot - then claimed by Ultimate Darkness!
Theodore was ready to embrace oblivion, which Ultimate Darkness can provide. But others were in the Darkness with him, and they wanted to live. They dragged him along. He served alongside the Bride of the Ultimate Darkness as one of her Best Men.
After this year's "Hypernauts" episode in the Dreamtime, all humans got expelled from the hyper-realms of Dreams, Death and Darkness. Theodore was therefore unenthusiastically back with the DuoPolarity companies and the Combine - just in time for them and a bunch of allied superhumans to get attacked from Hell multiple times. That was quite enough for him.
Theodore knows, humanity may be extinct by 2022. Now that he sees Russians and N.A.T.O. moving toward confrontation without having quite eliminated all those rogue states that were such a concern five years ago, he's convinced. So he's done with the present day.
But Theodore has a plan. He can go into suspended animation past the end of human life, and recreate humanity from his clones if need be. The lack of human civilization may be a drawback to most people, but he's seeing it as an advantage right now.
The Ultimate Darkness will oblige him on the "suspended animation" part, so that bypasses a lot of scientific barriers - and provides a lot of security. The rest is just a matter of waiting long enough for the Earth to be survivable again, then camping out. He's found an abandoned church in Hammondsport, New York to host him while he waits.
The Combine is sad about Theodore's plan. But he's told other people about it, and they like it! Maybe he doesn't have enough genotypes for human sustainability yet, but he'll get a fair chance at reproduction the old-fashioned way.
... This much I've found out secondhand. My friends Ingrid and Karla work with the Combine, and I work with one of their rivals (as I often do). But they still think Theodore needs to talk to an old college buddy before he takes the big sleep. And that old buddy would be me.

My boss Symmetria San Giacomo is entirely willing to let me go on a superhuman liaison mission. So I'm off to Hammondsport, New York - by bus at one point, because my rental car fell through. Some woman left her luggage there when she returned it, and she said she was just parking in the return lot for a few minutes, and yada yada. (15 Aug)

The best place to stay near Hammondsport is in the dorm of a community college. Communal shower, of course. (16 Aug)
I have my talk with Theodore the next day, but it doesn't do much good. In fact, he does a better job of converting me than I do of him. In particular, I have some insight into the Russian perspective of world events, but the Russians are perplexing me right now.
- Russians have legitimate concerns about the safety of Earth orbit which borders some recently-aggressive space aliens, and the security of a certain ex-Soviet nation which borders the Chechen rebels.
- But instead the Russian Federation is complaining about Poland's defenses against Iranian missiles. It's not like Poland can defend North America from Russian missiles over the Arctic Ocean. It's also not like the Russians will nuke Poland, because Russia's still recovering from when Chernobyl went up, and they know what fallout is like. It's more like the Russians just want to pick a fight.
Frankly, I kind of like Theodore's plan now. Not that I'm signing on; I'm not going to flee my planet or its current events. (That alone sets me apart from most of the old-order superhumans, because they did flee in 2005.) I'm not going to sleep through its end either. But I do not require that the rest of the world live like me. Indeed, it would be scary if they did. Maybe these people will save humanity - or at least themselves.

I stick around to watch the whole Combine say goodbye to Theodore. It was his funeral, as far as all of us were concerned. The best I can say about that is, at least I was there for those of the Combine that don't hate me. Let's not talk about the ones who do; thankfully they avoid me anyway. (20 Aug)

I 've met the psychiatrist Dr. Rebecca Cobham who came to interview Theodore. I've worked with the mage Elaine Matthews who came to evaluate him. The impression I get from them is, Theodore's been through trauma but they're surprised they're not evaluating me instead. I did lose half my soul to a demonic spirit of vengeance, to get all these other heroes out of Hell (more or less), but I know from experience it will grow back.
I didn't plan on a funeral service when I came here, and my laundry is kind of beat anyway. My brights are just not as bright, ever since Odin stopped doing my laundry. I hope I'm not dressed too disrespectfully.
Still, I'm friends with several superhumans, particularly the junior members of the former Balance. I'm glad I was there for Karla. She hates losing anyone she knows, even if it's just for a one-way trip to the future. My friend Adu is the alpha male as regards Karla, but she's Brazilian and therefore believes in group hugs.
My friend Pam leads the ceremony, to lay some wildflowers at Theodore's marker stone after he's frozen. Theodore liked wildflowers - and he's sort of trying to become one.
Dom-Ra the Solarian blesses us. It's like the last scene from "Hair", only the song should be "Let the Sunshine In Dammit".
After, I mingle with the heroic Mighty Tim. We both served with United Nations peacekeepers in the old world. He just asks if I felt comfortable in my current job, cohabiting with the Herodias Dancers' Guild. I can only say, this time it's working so far.
I also say hello to my old friend Judy. I don't have time to ask her if she's been finding more adventure in life, but I do admit I could use less.
They all notice how I was hobbling around on a cane. My knee's still shot after I was attacked from Hell last month. That, they understand; they were attacked too. Ingrid and Hudson suggest I let Julie Wolcott heal me with her Morningstar powers, but she's not experienced in the healing aspect of her new power stone. I think I'll let nature and rehabilitation take its course.

I decide not to wait for a bus home. I have some powers of transport myself, such that I can find "shortcuts" when I walk home. It's not quite like teleporting, but it beats the bus.

The next day I'm back in Oregon, chaperoning a visitor from the Herodias Dancers' Guild who's come to talk with my boss. She likes our atrium, but I have to let my cane fly me up the stairway to keep up with her. (21 Aug)

Yes, I know the Guild is dedicated to female world domination, and they've taken some great steps to make that happen this year. But as long as they're not trying to enslave me, I think I prefer them to a lot of the superhumans I know.

August

Interlude: Premonition. Commentator: Wyatt Ferguson.

I go by invitation to review a new restaurant for dinner, but the ambiance is strange. (28 Aug)

I have to go up a fire escape to get to the dining room. An ancient maid lets me in an attic window, into the lobby of a fancy restaurant.
I'm early, so I see the staff... Aren't those zombies in the kitchen? And pictures of the Simpsons being tortured, Treehouse of Horror style? Just another theme restaurant in Oregon.
Those actually are zombies in the kitchen! They work for food - as long as it's corned beef. This is a new breed of zombies, which sensibly prefers preservatives to brains.

To contribute to the ambiance, they have a fortune teller. She senses a vague sense of doom around me, but others will have to confront it.

I've lost count of how many times I've lost my soul - or at least parts of it. Fortunately it grows back - or so I'm told.
This time it's the Combine's turn to combat me if my soulless self goes evil. (28 Aug)

August

Legend. Commentator: Wyatt Ferguson.

From left to right:

Wyatt Ferguson. Hey, that's me! Boy, I look old. I feel old too.
Mike Roberts, a.k.a. the Mighty Tim.
Dr. Karla Melhor, a.k.a. Senhora Valkyrie.
Prince Adu Asantemantse, a.k.a. the Warrior Ashanti.
Pam Brown, a.k.a. Nightlight, a.k.a. the Bride of the Ultimate Darkness.
Bill Jones, a.k.a. Little Bill, a.k.a. the Best Man of the Ultimate Darkness.
Judith Kraaco, a.k.a. Aunt Judy.
Dom-Ra the Solarian. The big guy in the back.
Wendie Robinson, a.k.a. the Provisional Government of Earth if you ask the aliens.
The Alien Beast.
Hudson Ramo.
Karen Bodil.
Dr. Ingrid Bodil.
Ted Clark. I suspect his doctorate has expired since the last few reality shifts - but now he's thirty years younger. We take our little advantages where we can.
Julie Wolcott, a.k.a. Morningstar Julie.
Stephen Wolcott, a.k.a. Ellipsis.

Me in the Superhuman World:
Startup Escalation 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 .
This Year: Jan Feb Mar Apr May A Prequel Jul Aug Theodore Sep Oct Nov Dec .

Little Billy (and Big Bob) is a character created by Vaughn Gross. All other characters in this fiction and the phrase "Superhuman World 2008" are copyright © 2008 by Eiler Technical Enterprises. The map of the Superhuman World is based on one from Henry Bottomley's map software which is well worth a visit.