The Earth is a Deathtrap

Vice-President Joseph Corrigan: Alright, meeting called to order. Anyone need the minutes of the last meeting read? No? Good.

Superhuman status roundup. Wyatt.

Security Advisor Wyatt Ferguson: June 16th: The Indiana National Guard completed its withdrawal from Diamond Lake in Cassopolis, Michigan. They helped the Michigan National Guard with security over last month's country music benefit concert for the so-called "Corned Beef Zombie" chemical victims who are interred on Diamond Isle there. There was some tension between Indiana and Michigan over this, so it's a good sign that Indiana troops have gone back to base.

June 26th: Luna City says they'll continue to loan the United States their bomb-swallowing equipment. We're considering fielding the equipment in Uzbekistan. The relocation of Luna City to Fort Devens, Massachusetts has no major issues right now.

July 1st: The Vatican City is now stamping passports with an entry visa for Catholics who request this while being issued last rites. This seems harmless.

July 5th: An Indian reservation in Texas has had a shootout with Texas Rangers. Indications are, the Rangers have enhanced reflexes due to untracked superhuman enhancement. The Texas state government has not responded to inquiries about these powers.

July 10th: Three factions of aliens were observed having a battle in Earth orbit. One alien warrior bailed out in space armor, and survived a fall to Earth surface. We're questioning him now. We think there's a blockade of Earth since The Trillions came here, and someone was running the blockade.

July 18th: In England, The Trillions...

Vice-President Joseph Corrigan: Let me handle that topic, Wyatt. The rest sounds like business as usual to me. Comments, anyone? No? Good.

Now, we got an issue. It's with the crops. Farmers say they're not growing, even though we're supposedly getting them extra sunlight from other universes. Stephen, you're up.

Science Advisor Stephen Wolcott: Program to deliver multiversal sunlight has been in effect since February. Solar collection arrays say, effort is on target. New molecular-level arrays in state of Nevada alone can still supply that state's entire energy need, with great potential for expansion.

Crops do not absorb extra light, though. Measurements say they reflect the light. I can not explain this.

Vice-President Joseph Corrigan: Alright. Can any of you explain it?

Science Advisor Ingrid Bodil: Stephen has helped me develop a theory that something within the plant kingdom reacts purely to wavelengths generated from within our own universe. There's some opinion that says, we can tune the behavior of plants to adapt.

Vice-President Joseph Corrigan: Exactly how?

Science Advisor Ingrid Bodil: Please permit me to admit some guests. I submit Jill Stern, Lucianus Autonomus, and the Women's Lacrosse Team of Indiana University.

Vice-President Joseph Corrigan: Jill I know. What you got to do with crops?

Witness Jill Stern: Lucianus can probably answer that best.

Vice-President Joseph Corrigan: Okay. Lucianus. What you got to do with crops?

Witness Lucianus Autonomus: The plants of our Earth have their own spirits. Please trust me on this, if you ever trusted me before. The people of Ghana already know this. Their crops have thrived while ours haven't.

Our job is to either make these plant spirits work with us, or replace them. These young women are ready to be replacements if they have to. Jill will be their leader. Stephen Wolcott will use his psychic powers to cement this troop together.

Vice-President Joseph Corrigan: Is this something you're ready to do now?

Witness Lucianus Autonomus: Yes, it is.

Vice-President Joseph Corrigan: Alright. I got no reason not to try this. For the record, I declare a recess while you set yourselves up.

(recess)

Witness Lucianus Autonomus: It begins.

(period of silence)

Science Advisor Stephen Wolcott: Yes, I stand for Earth. And so do those with me.

(period of silence)

Witness Jill Stern: It is a good day to die.

(period of silence)

Witnesses from Indiana University, in unison: Yes!

(period of silence)

Science Advisor Stephen Wolcott: I have returned. The others will not. Their bodies will slumber.

Vice-President Joseph Corrigan: So, they've gone to the spirit world to fix the crops?

Science Advisor Stephen Wolcott: Yes.

Vice-President Joseph Corrigan: Whatever you just did, is it going to replace the crops we've lost so far this year?

Science Advisor Stephen Wolcott: No.

Vice-President Joseph Corrigan: Well, that gets me to The Trillions. Two days ago, they offered to put anyone who wanted into cold storage. There was a riot in London on Sunday, when The Trillions sent a new empty ship to let people in. They're making new empty ships. There's one in California right now.

I wanted to say our nation could survive on its own. But now I'm going to have to recommend to the President, we let The Trillions build and recruit freely for their suspended-animation ships. Otherwise, we're all going to die. I've seen the figures. It's like the whole Earth is in a death trap, and we have to hibernate to survive it. Just like The Trillions do.

Shit.