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Domination of Eiler

2008 New Year Blog (#12)

January 2008 - November 2007

Previous: October - September 2007 August - July 2007 June - April 2007 March - February 2007 January 2007 - December 2006 November - September 2006 August - June 2006 May - April 2006 March 2006 - October 2005 September - June 2005 May - February 2005

In This Episode:

What Is the Domination of Eiler?

Oh, just treat it like another pretentious web log.
At least until you get to know it better, citizen. This web log wants to conquer the world.
Educational links are provided.

18 January 2008

Immigration Policy in the Domination of Eiler
Stop your arguing already, we're all immigrants.

The immigration policy of the Domination of Eiler is: Well, duh, who wouldn't want to live in the Domination of Eiler?

The Domination's subject governments sometimes get to squabbling over their jurisdictions, though. Especially at the nation-state level. With much contention among citizens. Through most Domination-held lands, the controversy is Mexicans who sneak in.

  • Mexico proper is 0% dominated under Eiler, and there is no plan to change this. But the Mexican Gov has an interesting policy that Mexico is wherever Mexicans go; they can vote absentee. Oh, why not. It's certainly a way of expanding Mexico's nation-state power. Conversely, this brings Mexico within Domination of Eiler jurisdiction.
  • Mexican migrants encounter the usual sort of ethnic strife. The Dominator's German ancestors dealt with that same thing when they came to North Eilerania to live with the English. And his English ancestors dealt with it when they came to live with the First Nations.
  • To deal with Mexicans, the Dominator simply recommends to its subject nation-states: Abolish the double standard where the migrant workers get deported but the employers don't even get spanked. If employers should have to legally hire, there might be some more demand among employers for loosening the migrant worker laws.

Still, there are some smaller disputes.

  • The Domination of Eiler engineering force has moved up the ranks of its neighborhood association. It is now the Treasurer, which currently puts it in the awesome role of controlling roughly two hours' wages for an engineer. This is much like asking Roger Penske to take time off from owning an Indy car racing team, to do oil changes. But hey, even Roger Penske needs a hobby.
  • As Treasurer of the Greencroft Park Neighborhood Association of South Lansing-Michigan, the Dominator today went into the LaSalle Bank of South Lansing to open an account. They checked state ID, saw the word "Illinois", and proclaimed Michigan ID was needed. They confidently said, every resident of Michigan needs such ID. It seems the Dominator is an illegal immigrant from Illinois to Michigan!
  • It would be amusing to visit LaSalle Street in Chicago-Illinois and open the Greencroft Park-Michigan account at LaSalle Bank world headquarters there.
    • The Dominator is already planning a state visit to Illinois to vote on Super Tuesday in early February. Chicago's political process may be curious in its own way, but at least there one can get a full slate of U.S. Presidential candidates, due to Chicago not being under sanction by U.S. political parties the way Michigan is for wanting a presidential primary as early as New Hampshire's.
  • But for banking, there's probably a better way. Presumably, by the time South Lansing bankers or the other enemies of illegal immigrants can call the Government dogs out, the Domination of Eiler can bribe the state of Michigan to issue an ID document. Thereafter, banks in Michigan will be most cooperative. As often happens, it's not what laws you break, it's whether you can afford to pay your way around them.
  • The neighborhood association will benefit from having a migrant laborer (namely, its Treasurer) in its employ. The association president has already lamented, nobody else wants to do the work.

This helps illustrate the point: When a bigot confidently says, "If those people can't follow our laws to come here, they need to go home", the statement might be worth refuting.

Experts disagree where humanity migrated to most of Earth from. But they agree: Unless you either live in the Garden of Eden or in a tree with the chimpanzees in Africa, you're an immigrant from somewhere.

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4 January 2008

Occupation Bulletin, South Lansing-Michigan
The peacekeeping mission continues - but the end is coming.
Today's entry brought to you by The Technorati.

The alliance partner in South Lansing-Michigan has extended a contract. The Domination Guard engineering force is therefore still committed to its present mercenary mission. Local contacts at a rental housing unit, a church, a gym, a chiropractor, and a neighborhood organization will all be pleased.

But a withdrawal schedule is being drafted. A transition of responsibilities to local forces is envisioned, because the continent of North Eilerania cries out for a goodwill tour this year. Alaska and the Yukon will once again escape occupation in 2008, but everything else is fair game come July. This time for sure. Really. If the Dominator can creatively visualize it, it must be inevitable.

In local news: the (newly former) mayor of East Lansing-Michigan has just started his own world tour. If a mayor can announce a world tour, the Dominator can at least tour his own continent without people looking at him funny. Which is to say, if a mayor can try to conquer the world, it's about time the Dominator reinforced his own world domination.

  • The Mayor's going to issue bulletins at a web site with his own name on it, Singh Around the World. This is remarkably like the Domination web log practice. At campaign time the Domination will implement a catchy title like "Eiler Unbound".
  • The Mayor's own reports put him in the Bahamas, on the way to Antarctica, then around the world for 16 months. He's not sharing the size of his war chest, but local news puts it at about one year's salary for a mayor. Unless local politics secretly pays substantially more than software consulting, the Domination of Eiler is at least as ready for campaign, especially if it leaves Antarctica off the targets for this year.
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21 December 2007

Partymas 2007
In the Domination of Eiler, the Xmas party gets its own separate holiday.
Partymas 2007
Party time.

In accordance with holiday custom and proper social practice for drunks, the Domination of Eiler holiday of Partymas 2007 was observed tonight.

Traditionally the Domination of Eiler does not trust others to put on a good Partymas. Instead, it conducts its own Scary Santa party. But thus far in Lansing-Michigan, people mostly don't have fun with the Dominator unless they are paid to.

  • This especially includes the local employer. Aside from one potluck luncheon, their main concern about Xmas has been, who can keep working through the holiday.
  • The local Baptist church has a Christmas party in their basement. But in the Domination of Eiler, it is believed that the One Maker does not hate his people, nor want to see them suffer in a pit full of screaming souls. For that reason, potluck dinners in church basements with other people's children are avoided.
  • The local gym is having a party at South Lansing's Holiday Inn tonight. Their innovative approach to fitness nutrition involves ethanol-based beverage. Their party has been chosen to mark Partymas 2007.

The party had a bit of dancing, which is only proper for a fitness party. As one patron said, it's more fun to watch the women dancing when they hang out at gyms. Party also had free munchies and free beer, but $1.75 soda. Now that's strange fitness nutrition.

The occasion is especially appropriate, because this could be the beginning of the end of the Domination of Eiler in Lansing.

  • After the corporate alliance-partner worked the staff way past close of business today, a delivery was made. Which means, they may decide they no longer need a highly-trained delivery engineer. Which is fine. The troops could use the rest.
  • In this neighborhood, the Domination of Eiler first established its dominion over Lansing. It's only fitting that if the end is coming, it come this direction.
  • It's been a year worth celebrating. For about the second time ever, the Domination of Eiler carved out a new job and a new life, without knowing anyone. The new life's been so successful, the Dominator is becoming a figure in neighborhood politics. This is a good omen for future new lives. All praise to the One Maker.
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16 December 2007

Alcoholics vs. Drunks in the Domination of Eiler
It's well-known, alcoholics go to meetings, drunks don't. But there are other differences.

Nineteen years ago, an award-winning science-fiction writer did his best to talk his fans into reading a straight-fiction story "Saint Mary Blue" about a rehab clinic. Now that the book is almost drinking age itself, the Dominator is finally getting around to reading it.

Assuming fiction to be like reality (at least when it's autobiographical fiction), the book teaches many lessons about alcoholics, but few about drunks. The Domination of Eiler now steps into that void, to illustrate the difference between alcoholics and drunks.

  • Alcoholics hate life and drink to escape it. Drunks love life and drink to enhance it. (Disclaimer)
  • Alcoholics seek chances to drink in private, where none can blame them. Drunks seek public venues with social interaction, where caring professionals keep track of their consumption, and friends can call taxis for them.
  • Alcoholics deny they drink. Drunks not only avow it, they give good drinks as gifts.
  • Alcoholics miss their commitments the next day. Drunks suck it in and show up anyway.
  • Alcoholics hurt people when they drink. So do amateur drunks if they lose their focus. Professional drunks learn to avoid those hurtful situations.
  • When alcoholics misbehave, they are trained to blame alcohol. When drunks misbehave, they blame themselves, then learn from their mistakes.
  • Alcoholics are trained to believe, what they're like when they're drunk is just alcohol talking. Drunks believe, what they're like when they're drunk is just themselves without inhibitions.
  • Alcoholics are trained to treat their love of liquor as a disease. Drunks treat it as another thing to enjoy but not overindulge in. Just like coffee, tasty food, television, computerized recreation, sex, childbearing, and any number of other things.
  • Alcoholics are trained to believe in a Higher Power which tells them to never drink again. Drunks have the option to believe in a Higher Power whose agents drank but acted wisely like King Solomon, or brought the wine to parties like Jesus of Nazareth.

This is not to say that treatment plans should try to transform alcoholics into drunks. Some people are physically capable of so much drunkenness, the "slow" switch doesn't work. Forunately for the Dominator, his body is quite capable of calling a halt to the festivities on its own. The rest is just a matter of careful planning.

The Dominator will not deny he's a drunk. He now avows he's a drunk, but not an alcoholic. And a professional drunk at that - so professional, he does his best writing on barstools.

  • Stephen King would be horrified... but back when he started writing, word processors were not that portable. Now they are.
  • If Stephen King had written on a barstool, he might today remember writing "Cujo" - if only because the fellow patrons would have interrupted him to ask, "Can you look at porno on that little computer?"

In the Domination of Eiler, the Higher Power can grant a lifestyle in which alcohol can actually be treated like God's Blessing. Just like ancient priests of Egypt and Babylon used to treat it, and that's practically the origin of priesthood.

(Disclaimer: Of course there are always counter-examples. In particular, such a thing as silly alcoholics may really exist. But it doesn't mean the examples aren't true.)

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12 November 2007

Veterans' Day in the Domination of Eiler
Everyone, even pacifists, has different ways of honoring veterans. The Domination of Eiler feels a need to choose the best way now.
Boots of Death
Mennonites, ABC TV, and a death ritual.

Today being Veterans' Day-Observed (not the actual World War 1 Armistice Day which was yesterday), the Domination of Eiler is taking note of all the different ways that governmental fighting forces are being honored.

  • The church allies at the Judson Memorial Baptist Church yesterday had everyone who'd ever worn a military uniform stand up so the congregation could clap for them. The Domination Bishop-Principal decided privately, garb of the Domination of Eiler doesn't count for that purpose. Let the real fighting forces have their moment of glory.
  • The engineering allies at the Earth Domination Society had sent out a memo saying, "We know it's supposed to be a holiday, but work anyway - and we mean the weekend too." Still, enough people skipped work to force meetings to be cancelled.
  • The Technical Directorate of the Domination of Eiler (d.b.a. Eiler Technical Enterprises) worked as usual, being not used to getting time off for Veterans' Day. The workload being light, the Technical Directorate used the opportunity to fill out some Eilertech self-employment paperwork.
  • The U.S. Postal Service gave itself the day off. The United Parcel Service helped ship the Eilertech paperwork in their stead.
  • The Mennonite First Church of the Brethren of Lansing-Michigan had a display of 146 pairs of boots, representing Michigan fatalities in the current Iraq war. Demonstrators took turns announcing the names of the dead with a bullhorn. ABC's local TV station sent a correspondent.

Which way is best? Well, one would imagine that fallen soldiers, like any diligent workers, would like to be patted on the head and told that their work has been good. That, the Mennonites won't do. But the Domination of Eiler will.

  • Geopolitically speaking, the Iraq war is demonstrably full of folly. It's not making its sponsor nation-states any friends, and its high command has proven it can't live within its resources. But at least the soldiers are over there doing something, instead of pretending that the Middle East will lull itself to peace if they ignore it. And they've at least accomplished something.
  • The outcome seems to match what might be reasonably expected.
    • Of course Iraq is not building a strong central government which reflects the will of the people; it never has before. Through almost all of history, it's either been governed by city-states or empires, usually empires from somewhere else.
    • The will of the people today seems to be No More Empires, back to the city-states. Would a set of city-states reporting directly to the United Nations really be so bad?
    • Occupying forces in Iraq seem to be tacitly agreeing to the concept, especially when they declare the central government to be non-functional, and start arming the local militias.
  • In terms of blood, how soon we forget. 146 fallen warriors makes this about the third cheapest war Michigan has ever fought, the second cheapest being the War with Mexico and the cheapest being the Toledo Strip War with Ohio. The War with Spain would also be in contention for cheapest, except it had an aftermath, just like Iraq.
  • In terms of length of commitment, how soon we forget. 100 years ago today, United States forces had conquered the Philippines from Spain in one month - and then spent years pacifying a native rebellion. 30 years later, the Philippines were still being occupied - and about to get the United States into World War 2.

War is not good... but it's hardly without precedent. Any attempt by pacifists to honor veterans by measuring blood spilled, is like trying to shame a War God - only to find that the War God responds, "Ha! Is that all?" As recently happened in Marvel Comics. (Ares the War God has joined the Avengers!) As sometimes happens, comic books may be closer to reality than pacifists are.

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