Domination of Eiler: Home The Declaration of Domination What Is the Domination? Latest Fiction The Dominator .
Journals: Typical; ('04) VT WI WI IN; ('05) IL MO WI WI; ('06) IA IL MI WI WI WI; ('07) ?? ON MI; ('08) IN .
Blogs: ('05) 1 2; ('06) 3 4 5 6; ('07) 7 8 9 10 11; ('08) 12 13 14 15 .

Hooray for World Domination!

Domination of Eiler

2008 Spring Blog (#14)

May - March 2008

Previous: February 2008 January 2008 - November 2007 October - September 2007 August - July 2007 June - April 2007 March - February 2007 January 2007 - December 2006 November - September 2006 August - June 2006 May - April 2006 March 2006 - October 2005 September - June 2005 May - February 2005

In This Episode:

What Is the Domination of Eiler?

Oh, just treat it like another pretentious web log.
At least until you get to know it better, citizen. This web log wants to conquer the world.
Educational links are provided.

25 May 2008

The Day of Glory 2008
Technology preparation for the next life change.

In the Domination of Eiler, today is another double holiday: Race Day and the Day of Glory. Race Day is being observed at the metro-area brewpub, where the Dominator proved he can lip-read the traditional Indy 500 phrase, "Ladies and gentlemen, start your engines".

The Day of Glory has a more elaborate ritual than Race Day, at least among the Domination of Eiler leadership. Traditional observance is to embark upon a major life change.

  1. The first Day of Glory in 2006 was a declaration of independence from salaried employment. The Domination of Eiler will still hire its forces out to employers, but only when employers will pay for every hour worked. Employers took a while to respond to this new policy, but in the long run, this policy has not resulted in a lack of employment.
  2. Day of Glory 2007 saw the establishment of a Great Hall of Eiler in Lansing-Michigan. This in turn has led to some involvement in local politics - to the extent where the Dominator can now go nightclubbing and say hello to a member of his City Council.

This year, nothing so elaborate is planned for the Day of Glory. But it's never too early to think about the next drastic life change. When it comes, that change will require two things to support it:

  1. A new vehicle, preferably an alcohol hybrid. Wouldn't it be nice if they came up with alcohol / electric hybrids?
  2. A new full-function computer, preferably one which fits in a toolbelt.

The automotive companies of North Eilerania are just now starting to realize they can't sell trucks to the consumer market when gas is $4 USD a gallon. It may take another year for them to get more serious about sensible motor vehicles. So, this year's drastic life change is best served by the computer industry.

The Domination of Eiler has finally acquired a mobile computer which runs Windows XP. That computer plus a mouse, keyboard, and disk drive do fit in a toolbelt.

  • The acquisition was prompted by a rumor that Windows will no longer sell XP. Its replacement Vista is infamous for making computers crash while Bill Gates himself was presenting on them - and also for giving Microsoft too much information about what you do on your computer.
  • The new computer has not yet joined the public Domination missions. When sitting at a bar and updating this wonderful journal, a mobile computer with the power of a corporate workstation is overkill. And in metro Lansing-Michigan, a computer like that will probably get the Dominator knifed in the parking lot so that the perp can sell it for one-sixth its real value and support his drug habit for weeks.
  • This computer will serve when it's time to travel. It's unsatisfying to go on vacation and drag a laptop computer along. It's also dangerous, at least to the automobile where the computer sits while the Dominator is doing that tourist stuff.
  • Admittedly the computer and its accessories all fit in the Toolbelt of Dominance, but the music player will have to ride in a different pouch. (An extended battery pack for the Conquering Cell Phone should do this job. It already has its own pouch reserved; it just needs to be able to survive a three-mile bike ride.) And the writings of Herodotus (or other paperback book for amusement purposes) will have to ride in vehicular storage.
  • Right now the new computer is in "apprentice" mode, alongside the old cell phone / music device and the old external hard disk. They already work well together for transferring music files. Just have to train the new computer to send e-mail and run the old programs.

On the way back to the Great Hall of Eiler, discovered that today is yet a third Domination of Eiler holiday: Militia Day (well after usual this year), wherein the Domination's loyal citizens come out for obstacle training on the bicycle trails. Today this training was as intense as anything on the trails near Chicago.

  • For most citizens, the training was minimally intrusive to their recreation. Typically the Dominator rings his bike bell, the children giggle, the parents keep them out of the way, and everyone's happy.
  • But one brood required rougher treatment, because they were weaving all over the trail around a curve where people couldn't see them. The treatment was, the common biker phrase "On Your Left!" Meaning, keep right to let traffic pass.
  • The broodmaster responded, "You need to relax, $#@!@$$". Really? Relax? When your children are in danger? Policemen won't do that, and neither will the Domination of Eiler.

Holiday observance continues at the Great Hall of Eiler, with the Indy 500 and then the Charlotte 600 on TV, with closed-captioning so as not to interrupt good music from the commercial-free campus radio. No obligations tomorrow; no limits tonight. Maybe finish setting up the new computer.

Submit (Mail) to the Domination!

12 May 2008

Eat Chili
The Dominator is auditioning for a job as a celebrity chili judge. He's certainly qualified.

Every summer in Lansing-Michigan, the local power company sponsors a chili contest, and opens the judging to selected members of the public. There are many reasons the Domination of Eiler should take over the chili-judging job.

  1. The Dominator's been burning off his taste buds for 30 years. So when he's presented with spicy chili, he won't go into sensory overload.
  2. In high school, he was professionally trained by a Spanish language teacher in how to eat Mexican food. This compared favorably to normal Indiana cuisine, so he became addicted to spice.
  3. Since then, he's eaten chili in Texas. And more impressively, Indian vindaloo curry in London. (Visitors from Liverpool to Greater Lansing tonight confirmed, "vindaloo" is not capitalized. And experienced people who eat it chase it with milk, not beer.)
  4. When it's time to eat Indian food back home in North America (the continent designated "North Eilerania" in the Domination of Eiler), the Dominator keeps up with his friends from India, land of exotic spices. And they call him "Spicyman".
  5. The Dominator's favorite pub in Massachusetts was trained to serve him his meat pie alongside a condiment tray filled with bottles of hot sauces.
  6. One time at that pub, someone had him try cabbage-based hot sauce. He ate it up like cole slaw.
  7. Another time, someone dared the Domination of Eiler to conquer the extra-hot sauce. This was indeed ingested in small quantities - but the other guy ingested one drop by accident, and gagged.
  8. At normal restaurants that have no hot sauce, the Dominator settles for black pepper - administered with the sprinkle-cap removed. Some places advertise "pepper-crusted"; for the rest, the Dominator makes his own crust.
  9. The Dominator knows the difference between Tabasco-brand sauce and everything else. Assuming one does not like to drink vinegar, how much vinegar should one tolerate in one's condiments?
  10. ... Nine reasons aren't enough?
Submit (Mail) to the Domination!

11 May 2008

Eat Dandelions
Given some disruptions in the food supply, it's good to have another source of nutrition.

Corn fields and rice paddies throughout the world are being given over to ethanol production - for motor cars. Meanwhile, agricultural practices are being called into question, because spinach is being contaminated with fertilizer, and cows have been filmed not being happy while going into slaughterhouses. The food shortages have started.

In times of old, the poor folk would go out to harvest dandelion greens. These are still available in abundance, in the Dominator's personal (ahem) "herb garden" plus everywhere else in Lansing-Michigan. And according to nutritional guides, they actually have some protein, fat, and carbohydrate content. Plus fiber, iron, and lots of Vitamin A.

Recipes so far:

  • Wrap the raw greens around cheese curds. The Michigan State University Dairy Store is one of three places in the Domination of Eiler which will sell cheese curds; the other two places are an Amish amusement park in Nappanee-Indiana, and the entire state of Wisconsin.
  • Put the greens in a cheese sandwich.
  • Add them to any kind of leftover casserole dish, like what the sweet old ladies at church bake for the Dominator's lunches.
  • Dandelion blossoms can be brewed like tea. They taste much like lawn clippings, but not in a bad way.
  • The blossoms are also the basis of dandelion wine. When properly fermented, this is said to taste like sugar and orange peel, because that's what the vintner drowns out the lawn-clipping taste with.
  • The Dominator once had access to several acres of dandelion lawn, and used them to make dandelion beer. Simply replace all hops in a five-gallon recipe with 2.5 gallons of dandelion blossoms. The results were shared with friends, and well-received.

The Dominator is closely monitoring the world economic situation. He'll know the next Great Depression is here, when the people of Lansing-Michigan start harvesting the dandelions.

Submit (Mail) to the Domination!

4 May 2008

The Millionaire's Guide
If the Domination of Eiler can advise poor people, it owes rich people some advice too... though it needs some professional help for that.

The exact financial status of the Domination of Eiler is, of course, classified. But given current economic volatility, the Dominator is in training to live any kind of lifestyle necessary to continue the Domination of Eiler. The "poorness" lifestyle gets the most active training, but the "richness" lifestyle also deserves some attention. Besides, the Dominator will always comment on any lifestyle his citizens care to affect. And he's now ready to share how closely he fits the millionaire lifestyle.

A magazine of the "IDEA" fitness association recently saw fit to share the habits of millionaires. (Source credited: Stanley and Danko 1998.) According to them, millionaires:

  • Live below their means (spend less than they make). Check. For example, the Dominator could maybe buy a new car, but the one that sits rusting in the driveway just loves to tell the neighbors, "I am not the car of a millionaire."
  • Have a carefully planned budget or cash-flow plan. Well, no. The cash-flow plan can be summarized as, throw it on the money pile. Or take it off the pile, as often happens.
  • Invest 15% of their income before they pay bills. Well, maybe. Commercials say, "Feed the Pig" (which is to say, piggy bank). But the Dominator doesn't feed the pig; the pig eats his earnings and then feeds him what's left over. Thank you, Direct Deposit.
  • Are goal-focused and have clearly defined daily, weekly, monthly and yearly goals. Well, no. The Domination of Eiler excels at setting goals which will be years in the making, like "Dominate the world". But there may be many paths to this, which interferes with traditional short-term planning. The typical daily, weekly, monthly, or yearly goal is therefore "Survive and have fun." If the goal were anything other than that, it'd have to be frequently thrown out.
  • Spend twice the amount planning their investments than the average person. Which would be, double zero?
  • Put financial independence over displaying high social status. Check. For example, limousines haven't been conveying the Dominator around town for the ceremonial Tres de Mayo weekend. The Dominator's own mountain bike from the thrift store has that duty.
  • Are economically self-sufficient. Well, no. The Dominator does have a plan for growing money on his own, but for now he still pimps himself out in trade for income.
  • Are self-employed. Check. But only in the sense that all workers are self-employed. The Technical Directorate of the Domination of Eiler (a.k.a. Eiler Technical Enterprises) is, despite all the power and dignity of the Domination of Eiler, just a web page with attitude. Admittedly when it comes to Eiler contact, prospective employers love the resume even more than they love But anyone can host such a page if they wish; web hosting is free and readily available these days.
  • Are college graduates. Check. The Michigan State University came through with that.
  • Are disciplined. Check. Just not usually in things that regularly make money.
  • Are grateful. Check. But to whom, is the question. Most employers ought to be tongue-kissing the Dominator's colon for the chance to associate themselves with him under bargain conditions as currently prevail in the world economy.
  • Are hard workers. Check. The Dominator is currently evaluating his obsessive-compulsive habits to see if "hard work" is the best way to approach life, though.
  • Are self-confident. Check. Ever since the Declaration of Domination, the Dominator's self-confidence knows no bounds.
  • Utilize wise and experienced advisors. Check. Years ago, the Dominator learned that banks will make mistakes with what's in the savings account, such that one is suddenly stranded on Baffin Island with no balance on the debit card. He also learned, indulging his own investment whims would result in shares of Marvel Comics stock worth 1/20 of a cent apiece. Paid professionals do now get to guard what's in the Domination money pile, but they personally answer to the Dominator.
  • Practice religious faith. Check. This is a surprise habit for the stereotypical millionaire. But thanks to the Dominator's presence in the command structure of the One Maker, this one seems to be covered.

If this study is to be believed, it takes more than a million dollars to have a millionaire lifestyle. The famous millionaires one hears about on the news, don't have the lifestyle and are likely to lose their millions. Those of the Domination's citizens who actually want to keep their money, are apparently closer to the millionaire lifestyle than some millionaires are.

Submit (Mail) to the Domination!

3 May 2008

Tres de Mayo Observance, 2008
It's a double holiday when the Dominator's ceremonial birthday coincides with Free Comic Book Day.
Neighborhood Cleanup
Neighborhood cleanup of Eiler Town was part of the Tres de Mayo observance.

This year's Tres de Mayo observance lends itself nicely to a three-day weekend.

  • Friday (Dos de Mayo):
    • Evening calisthentics at the gym down by the mall.
    • Prime rib dinner at the nearby Texas place. The Great Lakes Region of the American Red Cross will be happy to know, the Dominator is putting more iron in his blood in preparation for ongoing blood ritual. The Blood of Dominance flunked the hemoglobin test the last time, probably because it was the time of day when coffee predominates in the Dominator's bloodstream.
    • Examined the possibility of seeing the new Iron Man movie at the nearby theatre. ("Is he strong? Listen, bud! He's got iron in his blood!") But this being opening night, even with shows every 30 minutes, there was a 40-minute wait. Instead, avoided crowds and went home to relax.
    • At home, leftover snow was the beverage of choice, having been saved for this special weekend. But the stockpiles should last a week or two longer at this rate. Crushed ice works nearly as well for most purposes.
  • Saturday (Tres de Mayo): All parts of Greater Lansing may be called upon to help observe this day.
    • Having consumed snow instead of beer on Friday night, woke up at 7 am for the big day. Extra time went toward talking with associate sister-Eiler on phone, and catching up with e-mail including one from Brother Jed of all people!
    • 10 am: Went out for neighborhood park cleanup. The declaration of neighborhood pride in Eiler Town has actually contributed to neighborhood organization in South Lansing. Or at least it got the Domination of Eiler involved in city politics.
    • 11 am: Left the cleanup early for bike ride because weather permits. A road bike is available for this... but it is determined, practically all of Lansing requires the use of "War Machine", the Conquering Mountain Bike of Dominance. So was it rode. Or ridden. Or rided. Or whatever.
    • 12 noon: Workout at the gym in West Lansing. Among the day's other special qualities, Tres de Mayo is the anniversary of the Dominator's latest gym membership.
    • 1:30 pm: Swung by the mall to buy a new pocket watch and submit the old one for repair. The Timepiece of Dominance has to be hardy. Perhaps the reject can go to charity (for a suitable tax credit) once it's repaired.
    • 2 pm: Lunch of Champions at West Lansing sports bar "Gino's". Started this fine web page entry, and revised the Hospitality Law of the Domination. Also helped the local citizens suck a keg of red ale dry, as is appropriate for such a special day.
    • Guess a nap is out of the question today, though it's increasingly the custom on workdays. Good thing the Dominator is well-rested today.
    • 5 pm: Finally time for Free Comic Book Day! As discovered last year, three shops in Central Lansing stand ready to give, plus two more in East Lansing if need be. But East Lansing is to be avoided if possible, because it's MSU graduation weekend.
    • 5:30 pm: Harvest of free comic books is less than last year, perhaps because of late arrival at comic book stores. The time of day is coming when comic book stores close, even on Free Comic Book Day. But on the way, said hello to someone from church! This Lansing church has made itself known throughout town in a river cleanup, a bar, and now a comic book store.
    • 6 pm: Progressive Dinner of Champions in Lansing Old Town, artistic pretentious-wannabe district of Central Lansing. Local bar good enough to have Kentucky Derby on TV!
    • 7 pm: Arrived at Lansing Old Town theatre. Tonight's play is "Stuff Happens", a portrayal of the buildup to the 2003 phase of the Great Persian Gulf War. Reviewers say it might be boring, but they also say it might actually represent the world's most successful politician (a.k.a. "Leader of the Free World") as something other than a complete moron. So that's a special treat right there.
    • 8 pm: Theatre refused the basic human right to get up during the show! (Checked on arrival.) Some local theatres close off the bathrooms so the actors can use them as "backstage" (which is itself strange but survivable, provided one can leave the venue). But this one closes off everything to all but two patrons (huh?), and neither one of them was willing to move! Go figure. So got a refund before the show started, declared this venue to be in rebellion against the Domination of Eiler, then went back to the Great Hall of Eiler.
    • Throughout, listened to the same mobile soundtrack as last month, because its 600 songs show no sign of giving out. So far, the prize song goes, "My mommy she loved Jesus, but not like others did, / For she had a special bottle, in which our Savior lived..."
    • 8:30 pm: Talked with the clan on phone to respond to birthday greetings from associate brother-Eiler on answering machine. Parents out having fun, but nephews both eager to talk with Weird Uncle Dominator. It's as if they actually like their uncle.
    • 9 pm: Went down the street to neighborhood bar "Coscarelli's" (discovered on this same weekend last year!), had birthday dessert, and discussed the race results. Second-place finisher euthanized on the spot due to bone injury! Now that's extreme sport.
    • 10 pm: Holiday news leaks out. Coscarelli's gives free dessert for the Dominator.
  • Sunday (Quatro de Mayo) has on the schedule:
    • Church in the morning as usual. Bring along a birthday card to give to someone's mom, because in South Lansing the citizens can't always afford to buy their own. This will replace the Domination of Eiler custom of cupcakes for the citizens this year.
    • Sunday Dinner of Dominance as usual, though it might be down by the movie theatre for convenience to...
    • ... The Iron Man movie. Still on that half-hour schedule, and maybe without the opening-night rush.
    • But still, the prize of this weekend has not been the grand plans for entertainment, because the first two both fell through. The real prize has been doing the usual stuff, writing this journal, and mingling with the citizens of the Domination of Eiler. Happy Tres de Mayo, everyone.
Submit (Mail) to the Domination!

19 April 2008

Domination of Minor League Baseball
In a minor league town, it's finally time to see some minor league sports.
Two Big Lugs
"Big Lug" the Lansing baseball mascot, and another big lug. See also:
Elvis Impersonator

The ongoing Domination of Eiler peacekeeping mission in Lansing-Michigan is going on so long, it allows for two baseball seasons. The Dominator missed out on the last one. It's time to catch up.

The Dominator actually prefers minor league baseball to majors, because the minors care more about their fans. He feels that way about cities too. Lansing-Michigan is a minor-league city, and that's a good thing.

The baseball team which dominates here is the Lansing Lugnuts, minor league affiliates of Toronto. Their enemies the Kane County Cougars are visiting from Elgin, Core Territory of Illinois, Domination of Eiler. This game is like the Domination Classic. And it's a convenient Saturday afternoon game. And it's Play Pants Day, the Domination of Eiler holiday which is the first day of wearing shorts.

  • Expeditionary force showed up an hour before the game. Five minutes would have sufficed.
  • Stadium was about 10% occupied. Admittedly the weather forecast was "cloudy with showers", but that usually beats the "partly cloudy with thunderstorms" which prevails through most parts of baseball season through most parts of the Domination of Eiler.
  • A Domination-grade clubhouse seat was occupied: first row, aisle, overlooking 3rd base, with trivial access to indoor barroom seating. Indoor proved useful for journalling, and for avoiding one famlee that apparently got a cheap upgrade during the game. Their baby in the stroller even got in free.
  • The barroom has overpriced sandwiches, albeit with meat freshly carved. Beer is reasonable by baseball park standards, though. Up here, an imperial pint of Newcastle Brown costs $6.5 USD. Down in the stands, that's about what Budweiser costs.
  • The Dominator's loyalties are divided. He wore his Elgin Maroons T-shirt, just so he could demonstrate his Illinois knowledge of what one town and their high school baseball team in Kane County are called. He also wore his stylish "Fatface the Baby" baseball cap in a declaration of neutrality, instead of buying an $18 Lugnuts cap. But he clapped for the Lugnuts.
  • Both teams displayed their audience commitment and their mastery of the stadium, by hitting foul balls to all parts of the audience. The audience was well pleased.
  • With their Dominator in the house, the clouds dared not rain, and the home team won, 10-4! But the series still goes 2-1, Kane County.

The operation was bicycle-based, and therefore used an all-digital soundtrack. The Conquering Car is still stuck with an old tape deck. After 20 years, the tapes are getting kind of boring.

  • 600 songs are now loaded on the former Conquering Cell Phone, which now serves as a music player so the current Conquering Cell Phone can serve as a camera, which comes in handy for unexpected photo opportunities such as happen at minor league ball parks. The current phone can do both those things, but it really burns through its batteries.
  • Thanks in part to recent collaboration with allies, the current soundtrack is dominated by Radiohead, Triumvirat, the Dead Milkmen, and the Statler Brothers. Four similar soundtracks stand ready for future operations, before repeating the songs already recorded.
  • This is to say, recording operations are going well. More digital songs have been obtained and recorded in the last three months, than ever before. And it's great fun to dredge up some of those old songs, and to find new songs which the allies recommend.

Down time in South Lansing at the Cadillac Club, unfortunately with an Elvis impersonator. At least he was Fat Elvis, the most realistic kind. But next weekend, there's a comedy show of Lansing's funniest women, including one City Council member who shows up at neighborhood meetings. Bought a ticket for that.

Submit (Mail) to the Domination!

16 March 2008

Occupation Bulletin, Lansing-Michigan
One more Michgan winter was conquered than was ever intended.

A few updates are in order.

  • The cyber-attack on the State of Oregon is back to about 75% complete, just like at this time last year. The engineers of the Domination of Eiler have now converted the data four times, which is just enough for the experts to halfway decide what they want the converted data to look like. Total conversion is still months away.
  • Another Junior Amateur Drunk Day is halfway over.
    • This year throughout Christendom, there is confusion on whether the Feast of Saint Patrick should be celebrated on the traditional date which is 17 March, or on the nearest Saturday. The Vatican City says, no veneration of saints during Holy Week. But Lansing and East Lansing are basically making it a three-day Amateur Drunk weekend.
    • So, corned beef and cabbage for Sunday dinner, at an unusually quiet neighborhood pub. The amateur drunks are all at home, praying for today to be over.
  • A combination of chiropractors and weightlifting teachers is having its effect against the Dominator's back pain. Right now, the Dominator's back is one of the strongest muscles anywhere in the Domination of Eiler.
  • The Domination of Eiler holiday of Pavement Day came later than usual this year. Lansing's bike trails finally (mostly) unfroze last Friday. And the sun now sets after 7:30 pm, due to Domination Sunlight Time. The day of the time change always sucks because it steals an hour, but every day after that is fun. Sunlight Monday might have to become a Domination of Eiler holiday.
  • There's still a bit of eatin' snow around - in the Freezer of Dominance. A couple of baggies of powder and some big crunchy chunks of finger food got saved before it all melted. After that's gone, the Domination of Eiler will have to consider investing in a blender for crushing ice.
Submit (Mail) to the Domination!