Xmas in the Domination of Eiler

For the convenience of its reading citizenship, the Domination of Eiler here presents several years' worth of December holiday journals, condensed into one.

December Holidays in the Domination

It seems obvious to Domination analysts, that the holiday season commonly known as "Christmas" consists of several individual holidays in sequence:

1. Partymas. The holiday party season. Typicaly lasting weeks in advance of Travelmas.
2. Travelmas I and II. The holiday travel season, typically days before and after Christmas and Giftmas.
3. Christmas Eve. A brief Kingdom-of-Heaven obeisance on 24 December, for those so inclined.
4. Giftmas. The ritual receiving of gifts on 25 December, hereafter referred to as Giftmas Day. Typically hours long.

The Domination refers to this collection of December holidays as "Xmas".

• The term "Xmas" came into use long before the Domination. It came to be synonymous with the whole December holiday season.
• Some Christians take offense at any part of the season being not named after Christ. However, the Domination Bishop-Principal considers that it gives the Kingdom of Heaven no advantage, to name the whole season after the designate-King-of-Heaven, when so little of it is actually devoted to him.
• The Domination therefore honors its citizens' traditions, by continuing to use "Xmas" to refer to the entire season, while using "Christmas" to refer to the very small religious portion.

Partymas in the Domination

The Christian holiday of the Winter Solstice was derived from a Roman holiday of the same season, called "Saturnalia". The Roman holiday's name still survives in the English language, as an alternative word for "really big party".

The Domination of Eiler honors this tradition of Western civilization, by enthusiastically supporting the holiday of Partymas, and extending it to people of all faiths.

• For example, in 2004 the Domination sponsored a Scary Santa party, as a sequel to its many successful Halloween parties. Multiple Jews, Moslems, and Hindus were in attendance.

The Domination also observes the ancient ritual of putting up bright shiny lights to banish the encroaching darkness. In fact, that's one of the three best things about the holiday.

The Domination choral force also sings popular secular holiday carols in honor of the season. However, the Domination of Eiler wording of these carols differs slightly from popular usage.

• Kingdom-of-Heaven carols are exempt from modification, by decree from the Domination's line of command.
• Seasonal songs played on rock music radio stations are also exempt, when they're good enough - and not overplayed. The fairly few good Xmas songs are also one of the three best things about the season.
• However, all carols which honor either St. Klaus, his minions, or Xmas itself are fair game. These are usually modified into patriotic Domination anthems, but some are modified just for the amusement of the Domination's citizens.
• So welcome to the rude Xmas Carol collection of the Domination of Eiler, citizen. As of 2006, this collection is freshly inspired by an Xmas season of working in a retail store with continuous Xmas music. The Dominator suffers along with his citizens. But the Domination strikes back, with these altered versions of Xmas carols. All Hail the Domination!

Popular Usage	Domination Usage
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas	Find Yourself a Mighty Domination
We Wish You A Merry Christmas	Submit to the Domination
Deck the Halls	Deck the Halls With Domination
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer	All Hail the Domination
I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas	I'm Dreaming of a Dark Flower (see Darkflower III Operation Journal)
It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas	It's Beginning to Be a Thrift Store Christmas
Have a Holly Jolly Christmas	Have a Spanker Wanker Christmas
Santa Baby (Hurry Down the Chimney Tonight)	Heinous Anus, Shooting Down the Sewer Tonight
Walking in a Winter Wonderland	Working at a Tasty Maggot Farm
The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)	Maggots Feasting on an Open Sore
Jingle Bell Rock	Jingle Bell Death
Santa Claus is Coming to Town	Santa Claus is DEAD (see Appendix)
Jingle Bells	Kankakee (see Appendix)
Frosty the Snowman	Maggots the Snowman (see Appendix)

Travelmas in the Domination

In the Domination, Xmas always used to result in an invocation of the Eiler Doctrine. Travelmas was therefore always observed. As of 2009, though, the Dominator had started building his own Household of Dominance. It may therefore be that Travelmas will be avoided in future.

Most years, the Domination observes an abbreviated Travelmas ritual, lasting only three hours each direction. The Eiler-clan installation closest to Domination world headquarters is always the target for these rituals. The abbreviated ritual is typically performed Giftmas morning, so as to allow Christmas Eve observance in the Core Territories.

However, in years evenly divisible by 3, the Dominator gets the urge to visit his more distant relatives, and more importantly, spend a day in precious seclusion before and after. (Seclusion would be the third and final best thing about the holiday.) To avoid airline horror stories, the Domination Train is employed on these occasions.

• Historically, the train of choice is the Amtrak Lakeshore Limited, which runs the length of the Domination, between New England and the Great Lakes region.
• A private chamber is always obtained. Failure of the Domination Train to provide a private chamber, will always result in rescheduling or cancellation of travel.
• For several years, the service only got better, to the point where one could see movies all day in one's chamber. But as of 2004, if your chamber's TV is missing, the steward will say, "Nobody's TV works anyway."
• The Domination Train vendor will typically provide free food as part of the private chamber deal. This is not always considered a major attraction, due to poor Amtrak food and beverage service.
  • Domination troops therefore typically pack field rations, including mass quantities of Elixir Vitae extract. Ambient weather conditions are usually sufficent to preserve all rations, when placed next to the window.
  • However, as of 2004, Amtrak allows the Domination forces to exercise "First Class" privilege and go right in the diner car first for any seating! It is recommended, and will probably be incorporated into Domination force doctrine.
  • When one can defeat the line and get seated... the dinner menu as of 2004 includes such things as Merlot wine by the half bottle to wash down Lamb Shank. Hey, who cares how it tastes (but it does taste good), at least they tried.
  • But the service is still slow. Like it matters on a 20-hour train trip.
  • Also, last seating for breakfast is 8:30 a.m., which typically does not fit the Domination schedule on vacation time.
• Domination field rations are supplemented by big meals before boarding the Domination Train.
• Travel is planned so as to not occur within one day of Giftmas Day.
• Travel delays occur frequently, but are not a major consideration. As long as the Dominator is seated with access to all major life-support facilities, and no Eiler Doctrine obligations are missed, the Domination is indifferent whether the trip takes 20 hours or 30.
• It is typically understood that associate-Eilers will be responsible for all transportation on their side of the nearest Domination train station.

Christmas in the Domination

Christmas is always an occasion for Kingdom-of-Heaven obeisance. This is always observed on Christmas Eve, because even the most enthusiastic Christians will practically always set the entire next day aside for Giftmas Day observance.

• The only exceptions known to the Domination are a very few Episcopalians in Kalamazoo, Michigan... usually not including Eilers. And definitely not including the Dominator.

When the Dominator has not already observed Travelmas, Christmas observance occurs in the Core Territories, alongside Domination coalition partners. The coalition fields a combined Domination choral force on these occasions.

When Christmas is observed outside the Core Territories, the associate-Eiler local church serves as the venue. The Domination Guard choral force always makes itself available for exercises alongside Domination militia.

The Domination observes time restrictions on its Kingdom-of-Heaven obeisance on Christmas. In particular, the Domination has never observed a midnight Christ Mass in its history.

• There has never been a demand in Core Territory churches for midnight activities. The Domination supports churches where, if the patrons observe Giftmas Day, they sensibly prefer to get their sleep in advance.
• However, during Eiler Doctrine invocations, the Domination has sometimes been requested to support a midnight mass.
  • The Domination finds the proper response to be, "What time are we getting up tomorrow?" The answer typically being "Before 9 am", this always disposes the request immediately.
  • A variant is, "When can we leave from the service?" An answer of "I don't know" will also dispose the request immediately.

Giftmas in the Domination

Giftmas is an unavoidable part of each Eiler Doctrine intervention in December. Therefore, some sort of ritual giving is mandated.

Domination analysts have indicated, the following ritual is observed among Domination gift-recipients:

• Junior larval-Eilers excitedly consume all presents, and invariably melt down when the stream runs out.
• Intermediate larval-Eilers apparently make no financial contribution toward presents, but do have considerable creative input. Good enough for the Domination.
• Senior larval-Eilers cool-handedly rack the presents up, hundreds upon hundreds of dollars worth, from their parents and all their parents' friends... without any sort of gift in return. Their parents take care of that.
• However, the mature Coalition-Eilers will more than reciprocate (at least on a currency basis), on behalf of themselves and their spawn.

As such, the Domination has implemented the following gift-giving strategy.

• Coalition-Eilers get gifts on behalf of the whole family, mostly designed to benefit the parents. A prime example is, restaurant gift certificates, traditionally well received.
• When the Dominator is in residence, each associate-Eiler gets something to unwrap.
• The Domination does not discrimate against junior or intermediate larval-Eilers; they get perfectly decent gifts.
• However, senior larval-Eilers will get along with their wrapping-stuffers, either trivial gift certificates, or (in an experimental project starting in 2004) proof that a gift has been given in their name to a relevant charity, such as would make their parents happy.

Analysis by origin of Dominator-gift:

• Gifts will often come from comic book stores, thrift stores, and other cool places which the Domination Guard frequently patrols.
• When all else fails, gifts are issued by certificate.
• Despite the presence within Domination Core Territories of what was once the world's largest shopping mall (the Woodfield Mall in Scumburg-Illinois), Domination gifts never come from major shopping malls if they don't have to.

Conclusion

The Domination is familiar with many individuals who think that all Christian ritual is a plot by the One Maker against humanity.

But history shows, whenever a ritual develops, it's because there's a demand for it among humans. The evolution of the original Christian solstice holiday into the modern Xmas, is just another step in the growth of rituals upon human demand. So don't blame the Maker.

The Domination does not mandate the observance of any holiday by its citizens. In short, the Domination recommends, if you don't like a particular part of Xmas, feel free to skip it. Perhaps someday, the Dominator will put the Eiler Doctrine aside for the holidays and do likewise.