Domination of Eiler: Home The Declaration of Domination What Is the Domination? Latest Fiction The Dominator . Journals: Typical; ('04) VT WI WI IN; ('05) IL MO WI WI; ('06) IA IL MI WI WI WI; ('07) ?? ON MI; ('08) IN MI MI . Blogs: ('05) 1 2; ('06) 3 4 5 6; ('07) 7 8 9 10 11; ('08) 12 13 14 15 16; ('09) 17 18 . Domination of Eiler 2009 Winter Blog (#17) February - January 2009 In This Episode: 28 February 2009: Tennessee Tough 21 February 2009: Nashville vs. the Domination of Eiler II 15 February 2009: Nashville vs. the Domination of Eiler 12 February 2009: Paducah-Kentucky 11 February 2009: Metropolis 10 February 2009: Edge of the Storm 9 February 2009: Going South 6 February 2009: Slingshot 2 February 2009: Pure Illinois 30 January 2009: Final Shutdown Bulletin 18 January 2009: Ceremonies of the Shutdown (Bulletin #2) 4 January 2009: Michigan Shutdown Bulletin #1

What Is the Domination of Eiler? Oh, just treat it like another pretentious web log. At least until you get to know it better, citizen. This web log wants to conquer the world. Educational links are provided at the top of the page. Hello and welcome to the Domination of Eiler!

21 February 2009

Nashville vs. the Domination of Eiler II Waves of dominance are slowly beating the city down.

Tennessee invaded Germany, according to the Tennessee State Museum. See also: Tennesseeans of the Ice Age Civil War Reenactment in the Statehouse The Hard-to-Find Battle of Nashville The street fighting in Nashville-Tennessee goes slowly but according to plan. In a non-directed effort to determine the best new Great Hall of Eiler before establishing a new EilerBase, waves of Dominance are now flooding the towh. Bicycle repairs are now complete. Three vendors near the Vanderbilt University took turns fixing the gear shifter, the brakes, and the flat tire. Weather on every day since has allowed bike rides. Nashville is hilly but not unmanageable, at least not to the Domination of Eiler. And bicycle contents seem to be safe throughout downtown, at least when the bike bags are stripped from the vehicle and everything else is immobilized with an extra bike lock. Targets of great interest have submitted, mostly to waves of bicycle dominance. Each wave conquers new lands each day. The Tennessee State Museum submitted a lot of history, from ice-age Tennesseeans to the Tennesseean invasions of Germany. Just as in New York, the state museum tries to keep that local interest. The Tennessee State Capitol submitted a short tour, plus a free-but-priceless viewing of local Congresscritters in action, with U.S. Civil War reenactors inside the House of Representatives as a bonus. It's their building's 150-year anniversary, and it's just two years until the Civil War Sesquicentennial. Tennessee's already planning for it. The Traveller's Rest Plantation submitted a scenic mansion which served both sides in the Battle of Nashville 1864, plus Andrew Jackson and Sam Houston at various times before that. Shy's Hill submitted Nashville's climactic battlefield. This hid down a side road (oddly not Shy's Hill Road) and did its best to evade capture. But when the Domination infantry force found it (thanks to the Battle of Nashville Preservation Society) and stormed it, it yielded a battlefield panorama (best seen without leaves on the trees) and a maple hiking stick, plus a relaxing place to whittle it. Targets of lesser interest have been bypassed. It's unknown to what extent Opryland is open this time of year, but it has shopping, museums, and IMAX theatre which will be handy when the long-awaited Watchmen movie comes out. It's near enough to conquer by bicycle, and one bike path through East Nashville apparently supports this, but it's set up so that 99% of travellers have to come by highway. The Country Music Hall of Fame is convenient to downtown, but can look elsewhere for its $20 admission fee. The Twenty-Five Saloon Initiative now stands at seven, including two brewpubs. But a more accurate target number of saloons within walking distance of downtown Nashville is fifty - or maybe one hundred. With the Saloon Initiative underway for this last vacation week, and less than one business day left before work, the Domination's new allies are perversely energetic. Two requests to add to the paperwork from two weeks ago were received today. Conversely, Nashville's renters of business mailboxes are perversely unenergetic. The downtown UPS Store shuts down all access to the mailboxes outside business hours. It's become obvious, Nashville reeks of money. Nashville has a university and a state government like Lansing-Michigan does, but instead of automobile factories Nashville has country music studios. For now country music hasn't collapsed, at least not enough for the hotels near Music Row to start offering deep discounts. Even by the local Vanderbilt University, fancy restaurants predominate. One doubts the students are attracted by $11 meatloaf at lunch at Ted's Montana Grill, even if the meatloaf is made of bison. But people still go there for lunch. The intermediate zone between the $30 and $150 hotel rooms has taken considerable effort to find. New chambers for the next week have been arranged at Ramada of East Nashville. This hotel inhabits a very thin habitable zone near the local football stadium (which is itself thankfully dormant this time of year), alongside a full-service German-style restaurant and a Shoney's. This weekend, the Domination of Eiler plans to establish its new base area, enjoy the full-service local restaurants, maybe indulge its renewed habits of stick whittling and reading trashy novels, then mostly rest. Everything from Monday onward is likely to be strenuous. One week from now, when the current corporate ally has shown some commitment to continue the contract, then the Domination of Eiler will consider the long-term habitation plans.

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15 February 2009

Nashville vs. the Domination of Eiler Intense street-level campaigning is now underway.

After the Domination's vehicles were patched in Paducah on Friday, the expeditionary force broke out of town - barely in time to beat the migrant repair workers to an obscure but very quiet hotel in Eddyville-Kentucky. Used the bicycle to get to full-service restaurant/bar dinner back by the highway. Next day, linked up with the Domination's Drop Zone-Huntsville (the 1988 Alabama conquests) at Fort Campbell-Kentucky. Managed to assemble appropriate documentation including proof of insurance (thanks largely to the recent repairs in Paducah), force entry onto the base, conquer their museum, and take trophies of the U.S. 101st Airborne Division. Off base, new desert combat boots were on sale, $40! Still, the Domination's been repairing its existing shoes instead, so these were bypassed. One hour on to Nashville. Internet research revealed a cluster of hotels on the north side of Nashville between downtown and Opryland, and also near the new workplace. Of that cluster, "Howard Johnson's" was chosen for Saturday barracks, at discount rate paid in advance for a full week. The Domination has no great regret about the hotel itself (aside from "jiggle the handle" at the toilet), but the whole neighborhood is a mistake. It was expected that in a neighborhood with ten hotels which cater to tour buses, there would be at least one full-service restaurant offering both food and beer. This was not the case. At least two such restaurants once existed, but have closed. Perhaps the next Great Depression has now spread from Michigan to Tennessee. In response, the expeditionary force mounted up on bicycle for dinner. Despite directions from helpful white locals, a sports pub run by helpful black locals was discovered. This is barely within walking range of hotel, and if one walks, it may well be advised to carry a battlestaff along the way. Fortunately the Hall of Sticks currently has one big stick handy. And today this restaurant was the perfect place to avoid the Valentine's Day rush. Speaking of Valentine's Day, the Howard Johnson's is getting some romance traffic, judging from "Just Married" signs - and noise through the walls. "Honey? The cheapest chain hotel near Opryland? You're the best!" ... Well, mostly they just grunted and squeaked. Speaking of bicycles, the city of Nashville seems to give lip service to bicycle paths. That is to say, they declare them arbitrarily without setting aside any room for them, and end them arbitrarily, and ignore how bikes may need to use the other roads. This is at least an improvement upon Charlotte-North Carolina, where bicycles seem to be ignored entirely. Speaking of the hotel... Given a large tourist presence, this hotel is probably safe. Still, the next week may involve a lot of dining in the hotel room, courtesy of various delivery services plus a nearby gas station which sells Colt 45. Professional drunks (such as the Domination of Eiler command staff) prefer to drink in public, but sometimes private drinking can't be avoided. As Jim Morrison once said, Who among you will run with the hunt? The expeditionary forces survived Saturday night in cheap hotel, and so had to decide where to look for church Sunday morning. To avoid the apparently-dysfunctional local neighborhood, downtown Nashville itself was chosen. Conquest via bicycle - albeit with serious opposition. In Nashville, the Cumberland River runs through town - between downtown and the cheap northside hotels. Crossing this river is not trivial, at least not on bicycle. But a suitable bridge was found near the Tennessee Titans football stadium. Shortly after entering downtown Nashville, the bike gave out. Something within Kentucky or Tennessee bent the rear rim quite out of shape. Managed to drag the vehicle inside a parking garage and secure it at a bike rack, then unloaded for foot operations. A Presbyterian church was found in downtown Nashville, on Church Street. It calls itself the Downtown Presbyterian Church... It's always a pleasant surprise when street and church names mean something. The church's theology is fuzzy-liberal at first glance, but they feed the homeless and preach from the Bible - with pew Bibles available for those who would follow along. Amen! They have helpful advice on how to deal with children during the worship service. But more helpfully, they escort children off to nursery. Amen! Someone the age of President Obama could join their choir and not be the youngest. Amen! North Nashville is reportedly called "East Nashville", largely due to Cumberland River curvature. If it should prove untenable for occupation, the Dominator may occupy downtown - and garrison this same church. A Twenty-Five Church Initiative may not be possible in Nashville the way it was in South Lansing, but it may also not be necessary. One positive feature of churches in downtown Nashville is, they are convenient to saloons in downtown Nashville. A Twenty-Five Saloon Initiative may be needed. Today the Big River Grille and Brewing Works was occupied. As ever, the local brewpub is first priority. Verified the continued existence of Robert's Western World, as per trashy country-music paperback, though they've changed the house band since 1996. Maybe will check it out some other time. Coincidentally conquered the Charlie Daniels Museum and Gift Shop, but took no trophies. The Domination of Eiler honors Charlie Daniels. Like the Domination, Charlie Daniels goes where he will, even unto the Douglas Woods. But his own museum doesn't have the complete Charlie Daniels collection, including the hard-to-find sequel to "The Devil Went Down to Georgia". Nashville has panhandlers like San Francisco. Which is to say, the city has signs up saying, "Don't give to panhandlers"! Responsible urban jurisdictions like Nashville and San Francisco say, give to responsible charities instead. But Nashville goes beyond San Francisco... One small urban electrical compound on Lower Broadway had speakers! It spoke a basic "Welcome to town and Keep Nashville Beautiful" message. Has Nashville become one with Disneyland? Throughout town there was some whining about coldness today. People here think, 37 Fahrenheit degrees is cold. That being above freezing, the Domination of Eiler thinks it warm for February. 50 Fahrenheit is outdoor cafe weather. (In Canada they agree with this assessment.) With bicycle disabled, arranged for extraction by taxicab. Fare from downtown to North East Nashville is about $13 USD with tip. Hotel there plus round trip downtown each day by taxi, is probably still cheaper than staying downtown. Cab drivers are valued allies of the Domination of Eiler. They often do bicycle rescue missions - as done today. And as a bonus to visitors, they know the local roads and neighborhoods. Today's driver verified, drug dealers may use any hotel in East Nashville for their business. Forces have now retired to hotel, to update this fine journal and plan some more vehicle repairs. In the opinion of the Domination of Eiler, it looks like Opryland and downtown Nashville suck almost all the social life out of the neighborhoods between them. (The Domination of Eiler calls this "the Manhattan Effect", based upon observations of social life in Connecticut and New Jersey.) The judgment of Heaven is therefore sensed upon East Nashville. This may have some strange implications upon the domination of Nashville, so as to shift it downtown. It's tempting to say, Nashville has not seen anything like the Domination of Eiler. But a more proper assessment is, Nashville's seen most everything. The Domination of Eiler should therefore fit in - once it overcomes the present opposition.

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12 February 2009

Paducah-Kentucky City of rivers, quilts, and accents.

A Domination-grade loft has been occupied at Fox Briar Inn downtown. It has free in-room laundry, and the smallest chamber there rivals the Great Hall of Eiler in size. No Bibles in the room, but the bookshelves are stocked with goodness. A biography of General Logan now accompanies the Dominator around town. Ohio River view was offered but declined, because one can just as easily walk a block, sit by the river, and carve the new hiking sticks. Stick-of-Metropolis is apparently made of beech, which carves like peeling potatoes; now it just has to age a bit before finishing. The apparently-hickory Stick-of-Paducah is next, and might take a while. The sticks take turns accompanying the Dominator around town, so as to provide a standard for the acquisition of new sticks, and themselves be ready for recreational carving at any time. Natives don't seem to be intimidated, possibly because the Dominator has his "Goofy White Voyageur" aspect on for this mission. Now that Paducah is sheltered by the Domination Effect, the weather is calm and sunny. But bar patrons say, they knew the recent ice storm would be bad when Jim Cantore from the Weather Channel came to town to broadcast live. As for how the patrons talk... The Dixie accent is widely present in town. In some venues, one finds a stereotypical "artist" accent too. The natives of Paducah in turn have yet to guess the Dominator's own weird accent - and many have asked. Most people guess Britain. (In Britain they guess Belgium.) The real answer is "Indianapolis with massive speech therapy at an early age". Paducah, Center of the Universe. See also: Time-Lapse Sunrise River Barge Simulator "Owensboro! Evansville! ... Paducah!" Thus runs the mighty Ohio River, according to the orientation film at the River Heritage Museum. ("Ohio" = Iroquois word for "Beautiful River", according to same film.) Said museum is also home to: A simulated flood diorama. On the plus side, it uses real water. On the minus side, the Tennessee River runs backwards. A live river-cam, with a week of storage. Who says the Dominator missed sunrise? A barge simulator, hard enough to stump a couple of self-proclaimed professional pilots. But one's wife brought the barge to the lock safely. The Dominator timed out while waffling in the river - but unlike the professionals, he didn't crash. A gift shop with cheap logo merchandise. The museum is changing its name to "River Discovery Center", because museums are boring and Discovery Centers aren't... Whatever. Provisions were obtained to replace an undersize umbrella, a missing Connecticut tote bag, and an Iroquois baseball cap that shrunk way too much in the wash. The National Quilt Museum submitted quilts. In honor of famous Kentucky resident Abe Lincoln, they even had Lincoln-era quilts in stock. Before one makes fun of quilts, one should consider what it takes to make one's own. Apparently the museum challenges teams of high schoolers to make their own quilt squares. The Domination of Eiler has had quilting recommended to it, to preserve things like the logos from shrunken Iroquois baseball caps. Still, it chooses to express its own creative manaical tendencies by whittling wood instead. (Not carving, technically; in the quilting store they know the difference between carving and whittling.) The Stick of Paducah is thereby taking an increasingly useful form. Other museums submitted nothing, being closed January and February. The famous Lowertown Arts District also submitted nothing, except one foul-mouthed driver who wasn't used to bicycles on her road. Have fun with the tourists this weekend. (Admittedly, the Dominator does not usually browse galleries which try to sell art, so bypassed several here.) Downtown Paducah submitted finest dining, but few taps which serve any U.S. beer better than Killian's. In half the restaurants, one may announce a quest for the finest draft beer in town, and quickly be referred elsewhere. The Dominator amused himself this way in several restaurants. Of those restaurants in town which have lounges (with a bar): most may admit the Denny's sort of family-dining crowd, complete with the little kid who screams - in which case, why call it a lounge? The Dominator had fine dinner in one of these, but took half of it home for breakfast when patrons started crying. Why have a finest hotel room, then put up with crap in restaurants? Only "Max's Brick Oven Cafe" beat these stereotypes; it had most of the fine beer taps too. There will still be kids in front, but ask for the well-hidden lounge in the back! Maybe someday they'll even serve beer in something larger than those cute little pint glasses. Meanwhile, the fancy inn booked itself solid for the weekend, with young lovers who want to see artistic Paducah for Valentine's Day. Other hotels are said to be booked solid by mercenary professionals who have chainsaws. Bike repairs have been semi-accomplished - with the help of the Domination's own stockpile of duct tape and Water Dispersant #40, plus advice from Paducah bicycle repairmen who were busy and sick and the dog ate their homework. Car repairs are on track to happen before leaving town, provided the Dominator can deliver his car to a nondescript garage, trust them to have gotten the right part in and not whine about how rusty the underlying structure is, and amuse himself on bike in Paducah for three more hours without the bike breaking down again. Dread Lord of the Domination, Give Power! The good things about Paducah cover a multitude of sins. Particularly the fancy hotel room. And Paducah is fun - but not as much fun as the Quad Cities. Paducah barely has a few square blocks of fun, at least this time of year. At least three of the Quad Cities can each match that. As such, Paducah's hype is overrated, until they can fairly say "We're More Fun Than The Quad Cities!" Therefore the Domination now senses and proclaims the judgment of Heaven upon Paducah. (No, the judgment isn't storms; everyplace has storms.) The native-born, the migrant artists, the tourists, and the relief workers, are now sentenced to endure each other. The Dominator enjoyed your town, and he supports you in your time of trial - literally, in a financial sense, in a way no "United States" politician will. But he's getting out before the next tourist storm. The "Land Between the Lakes" shows some promise as a weekend destination short of Nashville. But really, the Dominator should hole up in a truck stop somewhere, ideally next to a Hooters. Nothing says "I Love You" on Valentine's Day weekend less than a truck stop. Not even Hooters.

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11 February 2009

Metropolis Not even Superman can stop the Domination's southward march. But Storm and the Swamp Thing might.

Superman and the local police. See also: Superman Himself Superman and Dominator Clark Camped Here (George Rogers Clark, Not Clark Kent) Benton-Illinois Still Has Gallows For Its Favorite Citizen The Domination's vehicles are both taking a beating. The car has a crack in the windshield after last night's storms, and the bike won't go above 14th gear. Could be a day for travelling slow. Early stop in Southern Illinois Artisan Center of the Illinois State Museum. Sponsored Illinois woodcarvers can there try to sell their sticks for $65 USD. The Hall of Sticks (a.k.a. the Domination of Eiler Woodcarving Directive) may have to apply for this fine sponsorship, but one doubts how much product actually gets moved at that price. Next stop in Benton-Illinois. Its town museum has to split the Famous Local Citizen credit three ways, between filmmaker John Malkovich, General John Logan of U.S. Civil War fame, and the last man ever hanged in Illinois. The town still has a commemorative gallows. Benton has lots of Ford motorcars on display in a separate building, conveniently next to Chamber of Commerce. Chamber was extremely helpful, but still not able to arrange same-day windshield repairs. Offensive has now proceeded to within 2.5 hours drive of Nashville-Tennessee - without having left Illinois. High winds, flooded ditches, and still some fallen wood on the roads, make it a good idea not to go farther today. Last stop in Illinois is the town of Metropolis. It's large enough to have a driver services facility, which may come in handy to Illinois residents in exile; Nashville-Tennessee is closer to Metropolis than Lansing-Michigan is to Chicago. That alone makes it worth checking out. But Metropolis also has Superman, in the form of a memorabilia museum and a giant statue. And the Domination of Eiler has successfully come in to rampage through the city. Lunch at a burger-beer joint downtown. Patrons had a Dixie accent. Salvation Army thrift store downtown. Donated that trashy old Nashville-country-music-1996 paperback, now completed. The "Super Museum" has all forms of Superman memorabilia, some of which needs to be secured better against high winds. At one point, a life-size iron stand-up Superman got loose and dented one guy's pickup. Even within the museum, the Domination Guard had to use its new Stick of the Metropolis Courthouse to prop up a cardboard phone booth while the side door was open. Speaking of sticks, these are gathered and readily available in large piles throughout the region, due to recent storms. The Domination's Hall of Sticks is helping remove the debris, in a manner which is neutral to that infamous carbon-footprint which some people track. No, the Domination isn't growing new trees, but neither does it burn old sticks if it can preserve them instead. Harrah's has a casino hotel in town, with a scenic Ohio River view but little else to attract those who don't gamble money. (The Domination of Eiler, of course, gambles for the high stakes: life instead of money.) The hotel lobby was raided and then bypassed. Fort Massac State Park is usually open this time of year, according to local sources. But today it was closed due to wind damage, and therefore resisted the Domination's assault. Metropolis has little else to attract the tourist. Not even an Applebee's restaurant by the highway. Therefore the Domination expeditionary force braved the Ohio River crossing and occupied Paducah - on which more tomorrow.

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10 February 2009

Edge of the Storm Both literally and figuratively.

The storms are rising again over luckless Paducah-Kentucky. The Domination's southbound expeditionary force therefore stopped short of there, at an arbitrarily-chosen spot in southern Illinois. Sunset at a very empty resort. Recreation stop at town of Mount Vernon, home of the large "Cedarhurst" art center - with small art galleries. Free admission, but leave $2 or so in the donation boxes. Barracks at Rend Lake Resort, run by the Illinois State Parks. They don't stock draft beer in their restaurant, but otherwise it's entirely acceptable. Highlight of the afternoon was sitting on the balcony, carving a stick, and watching the sunset over the lake. And it's cheaper than many hotels this time of year. Also finished that trashy old Nashville-country-music-1996 paperback. A break before the storm is good. Let's hope it's not a metaphoric storm too, as would be shown in a workplace.

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9 February 2009

Going South The winter offensive is now beyond the Frontline.

The Domination's expeditionary force moved out from the Continental EilerDepot today, following the signs that say "Memphis - 500 Miles". At an appropriate time, will turn aside toward Nashville. Operational music "Going South". The Frontline of the Domination of Eiler is jagged throughout central Illinois. The Domination has proven its ability to penetrate as far south as Vincennes-Indiana and St. Louis-Missouri, but largely ignored the points between. On this trip, Illinois gets some more Domination. Park scenery in central Illinois. Impulsive rest stop at Lake of the Woods State Park, in Mahomet-Illinois near the twin cities of Champaign and Urbana. The park has a museum, open seven days a week - except January and February. But it also has a scenic covered bridge, a bike trail, and a February thaw. So unpacked the bike and observed the Domination of Eiler holiday of Pavement Day. When the shadow of the Dominator's bicycle falls upon a bike trail, it's spring - no matter what the groundhogs and the ice storm recovery teams say. Back on the road, re-confirmed that central Illinois is filled with grain elevators, Lincoln memorials, (new discovery) Amish colonies, and not much else. One has to wonder how this stuff escaped the Domination of Eiler before. Barracks at Hampton Inn of Effingham-Illinois. Having a corporate patron for the winter offensive, means the expedition can afford Domination-grade quarters with access to swimming pool, fitness center, wireless Internet in case the Domination's own wireless Internet systems don't work (as actually happened in Elkhart-Indiana), business center in case all the wireless Internet doesn't work, and free coffee and cookies in the lobby. Dinner at nearby Texas-style restaurant. Unfortunately, put up with boisterous lounge patrons who needed booster seats. This is understandable at (say) a Gameworks entertainment complex, but not in a bar. When the Domination of Eiler takes formal power, it will grant equal treatment under the law to everyone who screams repeatedly in public and needs to be evicted from a restaurant, regardless of age or size. The radio in the hotel room is fancy but only plays pop and country music, instead of classic jazz and finest rock like near Chicago. Uh oh, let's hope this isn't a trend when approaching Nashville. Today in the news: Chicago news media reports, the U.S. President went to Elkhart-Indiana to give a pep talk to unemployed workers in the recreational vehicle industry. Unlike the Dominator before him, the President left town without staying in hotel and contribuing to the local economy. However, President and Dominator agree, let's stimulate the economy and not live in RVs ourselves. Meanwhile, on the front page of the Decatur-Illinolis paper, a father-and-son team of shear sharpeners from here has achieved national certification... It might take a while to get used to what makes the news down here.

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6 February 2009

Slingshot This year's winter offensive develops an irresistible momentum - southward.

The Domination of Eiler has three long-term plans for world domination. None of these have been major priorities for this month, though. Plan 1 ("Find a Local Job") is not working in Michigan or in Illinois, because both those places are laying off skilled laborers, and unskilled ones are in overabundance. In Michigan, the Domination's favorite church had 140 applicants for secretary. In Illinois, the favorite thrift store is sending volunteers home because there aren't enough donations to sort. So this plan has been abandoned. The other plans assume moving out of Michigan past Illinois. Plan 2 ("Find a Job Anywhere") has not been envisioned to work until March, when the corporate money trees traditionally bloom. So it hasn't been a part of short-term planning. Plan 3 ("Be a Hobo") was envisioned to lead to Paducah-Kentucky, home of an artist colony which is presumably attractive to visitors. Unfortunately, Paducah is also friendly to ice storms, as proven recently. They're still recovering from the last one. Plan 3 has a backup: go south beyond Paducah. From there the best roads lead to Nashville-Tennessee. Plan 2 now has the same backup, because agents of the Tennessee Gov are hiring cyber-mercenaries, for a campaign somewhat like the one which the Domination of Eiler mercenary force just finished. The campaign involves socialized medicine, which only gets more popular during recessions. And the Domination now has proven expertise in this field. So, the Domination of Eiler is planning an onslaught upon Tennessee. If all goes well, the District of Dominance will be established in Nashville. From there, the Domination can conquer new lands on almost all sides. Mammoth Cave-Kentucky submitted already, while the Dominator was just a boy scout. The caves may have more of a body count now (people do occasionally have fatal heart attacks during the tour), but you'll have to ask the guides about that. Presumably the caves have not expanded. Chattanooga-Tennessee is ancestral territory; the Dominator's mom grew up there. So the Dominator has been to see "Confederama" already, plus all the nice views of U.S. Civil War battlefields. But perhaps the city has more to offer to a grown man such as the Dominator. Huntsville-Alabama has previously submitted to the adult Dominator. But that was twenty years ago. Maybe they have more than rockets and Space Camp going on for them now. Everything on the other sides, like Memphis and the Smoky Mountains, cries out for the Domination of Eiler. The main question now is, will the Domination be leading a mass movement? Allies from both Michigan and Illinois have an interest. If the Domination isn't careful, it may even have recruits marching under the banner of Eiler Technical Enterprises. It's likely to be an especially messy campaign, involving software of legendary reputation among those who know the industry. But with all these plans coming together, and with a non-zero likelihood of public support, it feels right to start this year's Domination of Eiler winter offensive in that direction. (As a portent, the Dominator was even reading a trashy paperback book about country music stars before he heard about this job.) By now, the Dominator should really have learned better to understand the workings of the One Maker. Once again, this time of year is decisive.

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2 February 2009

Pure Illinois Another of many differences between Illinois and Michigan. Plus some road war.

The Domination of Eiler completed its evacuation of Michigan today. Its forces have retreated upon the Continental EilerDepot northwest of Chicago-Illinois. A garrison has been re-established in Scumburg-Illinois (former District of Dominance) for the next week. There was culture shock when moving from Illinois to Michigan, and there is culture shock the other direction as well. The most important difference today is, Illinois has many more "Pure Michigan" tourism commercials than Michigan has. This is ironic because the sun shines brighter on Illinois, due largely to lack of lake-effect cloud cover. Perhaps Illinois should advertise this. The sun broke through the clouds almost exactly at the Illinois state line today. The Domination of Eiler opened the convertible top of its Flagship automobile for the occasion. Unfortunately, traffic from out of Michigan and the U.S. Northeast was still coated with ice. One chunk of ice sailed off the top of a truck cab, unerringly flew through the sunroof and onto the Dominator's back (good thing he ducked), and shattered. The Domination Guard driver had no problem maintaining control of the vehicle, and amused himself throwing some small chunks of ice back at the truck. The big chunk was later found. It fell down between the driver and his chair, and failed to melt for thirty minutes. In the Domination of Eiler, convertible-car weather really is below freezing. Also found, one more chunk had exited through the rear of the car, taking a chunk of plastic window with it. This was later repaired with packaging tape from Walgreens, as is now standard practice. Practically anything can break a ten-year-old plastic window. Might have to splurge on a new set of windows sometime, because the car itself is still perfectly good - aside from inordinate rust from extreme road conditions and outdoor parking. But that too can theoretically be fixed, for less than the price of a new car.

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30 January 2009

Final Shutdown Bulletin The end of the Domination of South Lansing-Michigan has come.

Cleanout of the Great Hall of Eiler has been proceeding in order, along with time allocated just for fun and Dominance. Saw a Sherlock Holmes play in local theatre last week; went to visit the nearby scenic Grand Ledge this week. But today there have been some misadventures in finalizing the evacuation. Nap time would have been nice this day, but the furniture people came early. So evacuation came early also. While evacuating, the flow of water to the building shut off. Lansing's Board of Water and Light apparently mistook the renter for the landlord when the renter discontinued service. Usually landlords keep the water running for hygenic reasons. Fortunately a technician came by at the last moment to restore water and enable one last toilet flush. By then overall house-cleanliness was largely a lost cause, though. In the news this week, this same board shut off the power for some senior citizens, despite it being a survival issue this time of year. The board's response was, "Oops!" The landlord responded to this situation in advance, by going on intercontinental vacation the day before. His response then was, "Oops!" This does simplify the evacuation, though. Meanwhile, prospective renters came by. The lowering of the Domination of Eiler battle flag that afternoon, attracted attention far faster than the "For Rent" sign placed there previously. Common advice in South Lansing-Michigan says, don't let strange people into your house because they'll hold a gun to you. But Domination of Eiler principle is, when the Domination has its forces in the dwelling, the dwelling is safe. So, did the absent landlord a favor and gave a tour. The dwelling remained safe, at least while occupied. Meanwhile, despite economic slowdown, recruiters have been perversely energetic. Negotiations are already underway to hire the Eiler mercenary force and establish a new District of Dominance. So far the main sticking point is, recruiters want this sooner and longer than the Domination of Eiler does. So, maybe no continental goodwill tour this year again. But if the District of Dominance should be transplanted to new territory, that's almost as fun - and much more lucrative. Despite opposition, the evacuation of South Lansing is on the brink of completion. Based on Internet estimates of hotel prices and weather conditions, the Domination expeditionary force has evacuated only as far as the hotels by the highway in South Lansing. This gives a useful opportunity to raid the Great Hall of Eiler one last time tomorrow, so as to retrieve a carload of luggage stowed more safely than in the car, clean a bit more, and loot the stockpile of excess previous-tenant stuff for charity. Really, don't people know about charity thrift stores? The wrap dinner is happening at Barley's, just like the occupation dinner did. As the Domination of South Lansing began, so does it end.

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18 January 2009

Ceremonies of the Shutdown (Bulletin #2) Two contingents in different cities honor the end of the Domination of South Lansing-Michigan.

A nice day near Chicago, but cold. See also: Cold Sunset at Elkhart In Illinois, the longstanding allies from two different employers have observed the upcoming change in Domination of Eiler focus. At the thrift store, the locals are having a change in staff. Business has been off lately due to competition from a new Goodwill store, but economic trends indicate more business for all thrift stores. At the phone company, the layoffs are coming. The Domination of Eiler may have to prayerfully consider helping its friends publish their resumes at Eiler Technical Enterprises. The Eilertech engineering resume has long outpaced Monster.com versions of that same resume in traffic, due to convenient HTML-format availability for World Wide Web search. Ceremonies in Illinois were so successful, similar ones are planned for early February, when Michigan will be successfully evacuated one way or another, as the One Maker permits. Due to high demand, a family-friendly ceremony is even being scheduled. Transit from Illinois to Michigan contended with the lowest temperatures in ten years, even below the Fimbulwinter of 2007. The Domination of Eiler discovered how even its mighty motor vehicle may whine about running in subzero weather conditions, even though it has ignition. Nonetheless, the Indiana Toll Road was conquered, though with a rest stop in Elkhart. Michigan, of course, has been the target of street-level campaigning through the city of Lansing. The allies at the church in Lansing-Michigan brought cake and a nice C.S. Lewis book in honor today. Ceremony was in the library, as hoped. Children were of course present, and hyped up on cake. But this was expected; the children of South Lansing-Michigan have a stake in the Domination of Eiler just like all others do. The Dominator personally ensured the kids had enough tasty mango punch. Associate-Eilers actually sent an expeditionary force to observe, but sensibly turned back after observing road conditions on Interstate Highway 94. Despite opposition, all goes according to short-term plan. Long-term plans remain as once stated. These plans will lead to more Domination of Eiler, and need no restatement - though Plan 1, to conquer within the District of Dominance here in South Lansing, is exactly what is being abandoned.

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4 January 2009

Michigan Shutdown Bulletin #1 Local allies respond to the impending end of the Domination of South Lansing-Michigan.

The news of the Domination of Eiler evacuation of South Lansing-Michigan is spreading. The neighborhood association suspected this was coming, but found out yesterday. The association is now figuring out what to do without that one additional volunteer to hold office, volunteers being scarce enough already. The Domination Guard engineering force will abandon the post of "Acting Secretary" but still hold the post of "web maintainer" even after leaving town - assuming the association doesn't just dissolve due to lack of volunteers. The local Baptists have a more vigorous secretary than the neighborhood association has, and are already planning a closing ceremony. The Dominator hopes it will be in the boring old library with a bunch of books and maybe some pastries, not in the basement with a bunch of other people's kids and a potluck lunch. People are already helpfully suggesting, "You could stay in South Lansing until you get a new job." Indeed it seems a good place to survive, assuming one has vigilant and well-armed neighbors to scare off the thieves. But they're not talking to an average unemployed person; they're talking to the Domination of Eiler, whose business model embraces mobility. Part of that model is to stow the household gear and be immediately ready to move anywhere - even the long-awaited goal of Alaska. Another part of that model will now be to hold out for a job which might pay more than in South Lansing. Admittedly the Dominator worked there for the price of a junior engineer, and lived like a king. Or more accurately, like a Dominator. But still, it's satisfying for an engineer to cost more than a taxi ride per hour, especially when an employer wants him on station on idle. And not even Baptists can argue with the concept of leaving town to visit one's sickly sister. Though she lives in Connecticut, this year everyplace in North Eilerania (the continent formerly known as North America) might be on the way to anywhere else. Gasoline is once again cheap enough, even if only briefly. The Domination of Eiler's goal is, of course, world domination. 2009 could actually be an ideal year for this, due to the Domination's extensive preparation for exactly this situation. All hail the Domination - and glory to the One Maker who seems to be not undermining this plan.

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