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The Domination of Eiler expeditionary force broke loose from Harrisburg-Pennsylvania yesterday. There was intense opposition from traffic and deconstruction in Wheeling-West Virginia. So that town was raided, but occupation was deemed irrelevant. Depressed casino town... Check.
The expedition continued 1/4 of the way through Ohio, and pulled over in the highway-junction town of Cambridge for a cheap hotel room at "Budget Inn". The Domination force doctrine of seeking an early hotel room paid off; the hotel was about to fill up.
The room was so far out of town, the road in to town had abundant roadkill. But it was so cheap and pleasant, its town was chosen for continued occupation, and maybe catching up on fiction-writing. But the town has so many museums, the next day was spent in complete subjugation.
This being a Saturday, almost everything was open reasonble hours. Otherwise, best call ahead. Admission prices were trivial, at least by the standards of Harrisburg-Pennsylvania.
- Midtown Bar and Grill gave Friday night barroom fun, complete with a jukebox which played Greek, country, and alternative music, and a woman who was willing to teach polka dancing to any of these.
- The Degenhart Paperweight and Glass Museum commemorates Cambridge's glass industry - and it had its 30th anniversary party today! WHIZ-TV from Zanesville-Ohio was there for the occasion. (Take note, Shazam fans: WHIZ really exists!) The Domination patrol not only conquered a free paperweight, it raided the free snack buffet.
- The National Museum of Cambridge Glass also commemorates Cambridge's glass industry. The staff was unhappy that they had to work today and not go to the other museum for the party. But their museum has a much more complete collection, for those who like that stuff. Plus, an authentic 1940s factory film for visitors!
- The Guernsey County Historical Museum is a mix of museum and mansion. The Dominator largely took over the narration duties from the tour guide... "Early 1800s general store: Check. Victorian parlor: Check. Local celebrity, John Glenn: Check. War memorabilia: Check." And so on.
- The tour guide did say, when interrogated, that Guernsey County was settled by people from Guernsey-England who were too tired to go on to Cincinnati.
- He also admitted, the local glass industry was built around fuel, not glass. When you need to run a furnace to burn sand into glass, the sand is easier to carry into town than the fuel is.
- He also admitted, the town had more than its share of famous performing artists, not even counting the actor who portrayed Hopalong Cassidy. In return the Dominator admitted, his own hometown generated one actress: the less-famous one on Three's Company.
- But don't get this tour guide going on the topic of displaying the historic dresses of Guernsey County. The age-old battle of Display vs. Preservation has tipped toward Display here. Here one can see an entire historic closet full of historic dresses stored in authentic historic manner, even though that just makes them decompose faster.
- The Hopalong Cassidy Museum consists of two rooms within an antique mall. The main difference between Hopalong's rooms and the rest are, no price tags. Hopalong Cassidy was a movie cowboy whose actor, William Boyd, is the other major local celebrity besides John Glenn.
- The Point Restaurant gave a nice cheap bar lunch, plus leftovers for later.
Aside from the paperweight museum, all these attractions are near the center of town. That's all there is for full-service restaurants there, though; the Domination patrol swapped information with bikers on this. Some of the other places may be fine for dining (Theo's Restaurant was recommended by hotel staff), but you'll have to line up with senior citizens to sit in booths and eat fish fry on Friday night. Other restaurants cluster out by hotels at the major highway exit - which the Domination has avoided because he went straight for the cheap hotel.
There are more attractions in town, including two functioning glass factories which understandably don't give tours on weekends. Also, the Living Word Outdoor Drama has a Passion Play on the backdrop of "America's most authentic recreation of Old Jerusalem!" That is to say, styrofoam recreation of four parts of town, all on one stage. Show at 8 pm.
This last attraction was bypassed in favor of "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" on cable TV back at the hotel, though. Wolverine is often referred to by comic book fans as the "God of Bleeding". Comparative theology herein is left as an exercise for the reader.
Speaking of theology: The First Presbyterian Church in town worships a God who jealously guards its parking lot. The Domination's expeditionary force saw that church's warning signs. Sunday morning Kingdom-of-Heaven Obeisance is therefore planned for a church which is presumably its main rival: another Presbyterian church one block over.
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