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Domination of Eiler

The Blog of Domination #5

Other Blogs: 1 2 3 4 5 6.

"Blog" is short for "Web log". Which is to say, an online diary.

The Domination of Eiler usually doesn't need an ongoing web log. However, there are special occasions where Domination conquests or other incidents inside the Core Territories are particularly worthy of note. For these occasions, the Domination has finally established a web log.

Like most blogs, the most recent episodes come first. Not quite like storytelling, eh?

August - June 2006

Previous: May - April 2006 March 2006 - October 2005 September - June 2005 May - February 2005

In This Episode:

1 August 2006

The Battle for Palatine
Yuppies attack out the Thrift Store Trail. Featuring, The Start of EilerBase Palatine!

The Domination of Eiler has favored two Illinois communities with its presence: Scumburg and Palatine. Despite what one would conclude from the names, Scumburg is pretentious and Palatine is not.

  • Scumburg has the Woodfield Mall, once the biggest shopping mall in North America/Eilerania. Palatine has the Thrift Store Trail - four thrift stores within two miles, and the trail goes on into neighboring communities.
  • Scumburg has brewpubs. Palatine has pizza parlors.
  • Scumburg has a thriving information technology industry, and the world headquarters of Motorola. Palatine has homeless shelters.
  • In Scumburg, geese roam freely, and occasionally stop traffic on the major roads. In Palatine, geese are mostly not to be seen, because they'll probably end up in people's ovens.

But Palatine is changing. The yuppies are moving in, because Palatine is an hour or less from downtown Chicago by commuter rail. One can now stagger from the Palatine train station to a variety of fancy condominiums and restaurants, and even one brewpub. The condos are even starting to pop up miles from the station.

Still, there is much unchanged. Palatine still has much cheaper apartments than the top-of-the-line facilities in Scumburg. Some of these apartments will soon be bulldozed to make room for condos - but the local rednecks can still be seen there, blasting their music and asking strangers for cigarettes. The Domination knows this, because it's moved in to one of the cheap places! EilerBase Palatine has now been established, four blocks from the Palatine train station.

  • The new neighbors may be scary to the casual observer, because they let their dogs roam freely and sometimes loiter in the hallways. But at least in this complex, no one is threatening.
  • And old ladies live there without fear. The Domination can be at least as unafraid as an old lady.
  • Indeed, the Dominator's blending in nicely. His preferred attire has always been working-class. And his staff now hangs the laundry to dry on the balcony, which he never would have dared in Scumburg.
  • New yuppie development lies only a block away - ironically, much nearer the noisy train tracks than EilerBase is. There's no accounting for yuppie tastes.

There's a battle on for the heart and soul of Palatine-Illinois, between yuppies and the working-class. EilerBase Palatine is on the frontline of the battle.

In most respects, the Domination of Eiler stands with the working-class, especially now that its staff works at a thrift store. However, the Domination still reserves the right to go to fancy bars - and thereby avoid surly barmaids in the working-class bars.

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31 July 2006

Cleanliness is a Hobby (or a Death March)
Hobbies pay off for some people, but they're still time consuming. Massive cleanliness is no exception. Featuring, The End of EilerBase Scumburg!

The Domination of Eiler has been busy lately, emptying out the Dominator's chambers in preparation for relocation. Part of that preparation has been ritual cleanliness. Those who rent out apartments (to people including the Dominator) seem to desire the apartments have a certain state of purity.

So, the Domination has spent the last several days making the Dominator's chambers ritually clean. This involved a lot of scrubbing not worth describing.

It was actually pleasant to do much of it. Oh, just suck down a beer (or other favorite beverage) while wiping the countertop. And so on. Under the proper circumstances, it's no harder than writing web pages. So it's fun, just like a hobby.

But as the chambers got cleaner, they got dirtier too! Just moving through a place to clean it, will track dirt and lint through it. This would seem to be The Never-Ending Battle. (ref: motivational poster on "Quality")

There came a time during this latest operation when the Domination of Eiler gave up on ritual cleanliness. That time would be this morning, when people who'd arranged to help move furniture out of the Dominator's chambers didn't show, and the current employer was calling, "Can you come in early?"

For what it's worth, the cleanup is over. EilerBase Scumburg is now abandoned. All hail EilerBase Palatine!

  • The furniture is now moved, by the massive physical effort of the Domination Guard. The furniture was left by the dumpster, for those who might care in future.
  • The employer didn't get the earliness it desired, but it got at least some.
  • The apartment will not have ritual cleanliness... well, it probably never would have. For instance, the Domination never obtained the proper sort of chemicals which let carpet stains disappear while leaving the carpet color untouched. But the Domination Guard did make the stove sparkle.

The Domination of Eiler now proclaims: Cleanliness is a hobby, not a necessity.

  • Cleanliness is optional, or at least it has different levels of involvement. Some people obsess about those levels. The Domination chooses not to. It will observe the basic level of cleanliness necessary to keep human society functioning and avoid disease... but that's it.
  • Like any hobby, cleanliness may eventually pay you money if you pursue it - to make other people's places clean. This matches the description of four of the Dominator's hobbies: computer programming, physical fitness, wood carving, and (now) hanging out at thrift stores. All these hobbies got so far out of control, they affected other people - and the people paid for the benefit!
  • However, at present, the Domination does not see enough benefit from cleanliness to pursue it as a hobby.
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8 July 2006

Medieval Times and Domination Day 2006
Sadly, no road trip, but an observance of Domination Day was still in order.

It is Domination of Eiler tradition to go on a road trip, on the first weekend after the U.S. Independence Day weekend. But for 2006 this tradition is being skipped, because there's still a lot of work left to clean out EilerBase Scumburg.

However, the Domination's home town of Scumburg-Illinois is itself a tourist destination, "thanks" to the presence of the Woodfield Mall (once the world's largest shopping mall) and the Medieval Times Dinner and Tournament, a famlee-friendly life-size model of Camelot. This Camelot-Scumburg has always been bypassed, but today it submits to Domination at the 4:00 matinee show!

Imperial Flag
Instead of flying a flag of the local King, the Dominator brought his own flag.
Imperial Alliance!
Instead of being knighted by the King, the Dominator spent some time with his daughter the Princess.
  • Medieval Times advises its guests to arrive 1.5 hours early. Pay them no mind. They simply want you to spend money in:
    • The gift shops. Authentic-looking Excaliburs for sale, $425 apiece, but the Dominator got one at half-price at a game convention years ago. Or, somewhat cheaper wooden swords for the kids to wave, oh joy.
    • The bar. $6 a beer. But it's $7 once you enter the arena, so drink up!
    • The Museum of Torture. Didn't even ask how much that costs.
  • Free attractions include horse stables, and celebrity pictures such as John Popper (of the band "Blues Traveller") wearing the same paper crown as every other visitor gets. Mr. Popper's crown went on top of his stylish wide-brimmed hat, of course.
  • The local Medieval Times installation is ruled by King Alfonso VI. (Medieval Times is a Spanish corporation!)
    • The King will knight any applicant for a suitable fee. However, for a King to knight the Dominator is backward; the sanction of Heaven flows from Dominator to Kings, not vice versa.
    • The Dominator instead splurged for a picture with the King's cute daughter, Princess Esperanza. That's the kind of knightin' the Dominator likes.
  • The audience is seated in six sections, one for each color-coded knight.
  • Inside the arena, Viking dinner is served - two cuts of meat, no silverware, and only one napkin. Heroic!
  • The entertainment is standard Renaissance fair with horses, about two hours long - but these warriors strike with real weapons, hard enough to raise sparks. And the trained falcons are fun too.
    • Standard adult admission is about $50. For $8 extra, one may get the "Premium" package, which gives you a front-row seat and a complimentary Medieval Times flag in your knight's colors to wave for him.
    • Instead of the Premium package, the Dominator sat second row center, and brought his own imperial flag to wave. As it turned out, the final victorious knight was wearing Domination of Eiler colors.
    • The Dominator also brought binoculars, but these were not necessary, at least not from that seat. Getting there early seems to get you a good seat.

Pricey, but the Dominator now understands why busloads of high school students come from three hours away for the experience. Assuming they get a discount, that is.

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4 July 2006

The Insurrection Day Long Weekend
What do you call the extra day when Independence Day is a four-day weekend?

In the Happy Land of Eiler, one day is much like the next. But obviously the 3rd of July is a holiday of some sort, because people are treating it like part of a four day weekend. Workers are taking off work, and towns are setting off fireworks. It's just not obvious what holiday 3 July is.

To find the answer, the Domination of Eiler has sent experimental probes into alternate universes. One such probe went to a universe where people stayed loyal to authority, so the American Revolution failed. The probe has returned a stream of Usenet posts. That stream has been published on the Domination's web site.

In memory of all those insurrections which had opposition from authority and even from loyal citizens at the time, the Domination of Eiler declares 3 July 2006 to be "Insurrection Day". Insurrection Day is not observed each year, because insurrections are not always good ideas. But it makes a good filler holiday for those extra-long 4th of July weekends.

The Domination of Eiler spent Insurrection Day helping out at the charity thrift store (to give them a chance to survive until regular Domination operations there), then going to eat carnival food. Independence Day is the occasion to go the local brewpub, drink cheap beer on sale, take even cheaper beer home on sale, and (hopefully) watch the German soccer team crush the Italian soccer team.

All hail independence, insurrection, the whole world, and the Domination of Eiler!

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28 June 2006

The Thrift Store Takes Over
A job offer comes from an unexpected source.

After the Day of Glory, the Domination's engineering force became immediately available for jobs anywhere. The information technology industry of North America (which is to say, North Eilerania) promptly reacted by sending most of their recruiters on summer vacation. Now, the first job offer has finally come in - but not for the traditional sort of engineering.

The Domination of Eiler has a long-standing alliance with the charity shelter-provider "Home-of-the-Sparrow". Purpose of this is twofold: obedience to the Kingdom-of-Heaven, and public relations for the Domination. The public relations aspect is now paying off.

  • The Domination's engineering force has volunteered many a Saturday afternoon at the "Sparrow's-Nest" thrift store. Most volunteers there are either senior citizens, high-school students, or people sentenced to community service. The Domination of Eiler is currently none of the above, and that makes its lead engineer stand out in the crowd.
  • Volunteer duties include sorting the donations and keeping the aisles clear so as to prevent the local Fire Department from shutting the place down. This involves much moving of heavy objects, which the elder volunteers aren't always able-bodied enough to accomplish. It also involves not bugging the managers if you don't have to; the younger volunteers don't stick around long enough to learn to do that.
  • And in the finest tradition of engineering forces, the Domination garrison also does anything for a buck (well, anything for a volunteer discount), even unto running the cash register. As volunteer forces go, the Domination is master-class.

After the Day of Glory, the Domination announced its forces would be leaving town to look for a job. When the thrift store heard this, they came up with a paying job description which matched the volunteer duties - and then offered the job to the Domination of Eiler!

  • The job is called "Clerk" (though for the purpose of the resume, it will probably be noted as "Assistant Manager"). It involves the same stuff the Domination garrison's been doing all along, but now five hours a day, five days a week.
  • As such, the average Domination weekday (except for Tuesday, the day off) will now look like the average Domination Saturday, only not so hectic because Saturday is the busy day in the land of thrift stores. What's not to like about the new weekday?
  • The "Clerk" job is righteous, and it pays by the hour. And it doesn't preclude looking for other work, at least around Chicago. So how can the Domination say no?

Even part time, the job is lucrative enough to pay the rent - as long as the Domination finds a slightly cheaper place to set up EilerBase. The Township Palatine (land of thrift stores) has many such places. A casual bike ride near the train station revealed ten small apartment complexes with "For Rent" signs out.

  • Near the train station will be convenient for Domination patrols into downtown Chicago, for recreation or maybe one of those fat-cat contractor jobs that theoretically exist there.
  • If the new EilerBase is selected with some care, the Domination forces will still be accessible for exercises with its allies in the nearby Townships Scumburg (land of churchgoers, comic books, and brewpubs) and Barrington (land of engineers).
  • Paid job duties start a week from next Monday. Best finish cleaning out the EilerBase next week, then. And stick in a vacation to observe Domination Day. Vacations may be a bit more scarce after that.

So, it looks like the Domination isn't leaving town afer all. Instead, the Domination of Eiler and its Core Territories of Illinois will march on into the foreseeable future, side by side. And the Dominator will indulge his long-repressed urge to donate his life to righteous causes - without the hassle of setting up camp with the Red Cross in a hurricane zone.

As for an adventurous life of travel... there's always next year.

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27 June 2006

A Day in the Happy Land of Eiler
Updates to the old weekday regimen after the Day of Glory.

Following the Day of Glory, the Domination Guard engineering staff is on open-ended hiatus between paying jobs. Of course, this just leaves the staff available to pursue the Domination's own interests. Chief among these interests, is cleaning out the Dominator's chambers.

  • The current chambers are lovely, but they're in a high-rent district. If the job hiatus lasts longer than two months, they are unviable. Also, if the next job is further than five miles away, the chambers are unviable. A change is therefore almost certainly in order.
  • The last job change required moving 1000 miles away. This took the Domination of Eiler by surprise, even though the Domination had seven months to prepare for it. This time, the Domination prepares from the start.
  • Preparations include putting things into piles to store / donate / sell / give away / trash, and enjoying these things (particularly the CDs, comic books, and 900 channels of premium cable) to the max before they disappear.

So, the Domination work day is full. But it's also fairly relaxing. The Domination of Eiler believes in a five-hour work day, maximum. The Domination's engineering staff is quite good at concentrating on the job at hand for five hours. But anything more than that, and the staff has to take a break and its attention starts to wander. Why go back after that?

Weekends are much the same as before, except the Dominator doesn't get the urge to stuff as much enjoyment into them as he used to. So he doesn't dine out as much. But the weekdays are radically changed. Here's how an average day goes.

  • 8:00 am or so (let's just admit all times here are approximate): Get out of bed, after a much sounder night of sleep than used to happen.
    • The Domination's dream journal is much less interesting nowadays, but its sleep is much better. Probably it is conducive to an uninterrupted night of slumber, to drink the daily alcohol ration at 2 pm instead of 6 pm (see below).
    • And post-traumatic stress disorder is no longer an issue. The Domination's previous major-corporate-ally was like a dysfunctional family hostage crisis, but that mental scar is slowly fading away from the subconscious memory.
  • 8:15 am: Turn on the computer to check e-mail. Turn on the TV to check the weather on the Weather Channel, and the Weather Goddesses thereof.
  • 8:30 am: Drink coffee (often brewed previously in three-day batches, so as to be refreshingly cold by now) and eat breakfast foods. Check e-mail. Change TV to FitTV to be inspired by healthy young athletic women.
  • 9 am: Now properly inspired, either work out in the apartment complex gym, or take a load of stuff to storage (a.k.a. The New Happy Land of Eiler).
    • Storage is heavy work and involves two flights of stairs. But it makes the Domination strong. In particular, carrying boxes of books seems to be as good for the Dominator's back problems, as aerobics ever was!
  • 10 am: Return to EilerBase Scumburg for shower.
  • 10:30 am: Begin the day's formal work. This may include e-mails and phone calls, to recruiters or local contacts for storage / mailbox / whatever. But just as often, the work is ripping the Domination's music CDs onto computer to be readily transportable.
  • 11 am: Change TV to local news channel. Soap operas follow news. But it's all background imagery to the Domination staff anyway.
    • The Domination confesses to a strange interest in monitoring the soap operas. One of the heroines of "One Life to Live" went at least eight days between changing clothes.
    • Admittedly, in comic books, some of the heroines go nine months between changing clothes. The Domination knows this because it's reviewing all its comic books before putting them in storage.
  • 2:30 pm: Lunchtime! This ends the formal work day. And that means, food can be washed down with the daily alcohol ration.
    • On Thursdays, the Domination holds off this step until 6 pm or so, so as to be social with its old engineering buddies on their favorite social night. This, of course, involves dining out.
    • There is dining out on other days too. The Domination is getting used to having its Sunday dinner on Tuesday afternoon when the beer is cheaper at most places. And Friday is half-price growler day at one of the local brewpubs, so that just helps make things even cheaper back at EilerBase.
    • But otherwise, the Dominator stays home and has his staff cook him something from the fridge - which is also part of the cleanout effort. Various frozen meats from two years ago are slowly being uncovered. The next month may involve a lot of sausage.
  • 4 pm: After lunch, there's always informal work, like sorting comic books, ripping some more CDs, or carving sticks out on the balcony. Or maybe a movie from premium cable. Or maybe just fielding calls from recruiters, because they are perversely energetic around the close of the business day.
  • 8 pm: Ice cream! And it's strawberry season now too. A good time to enjoy some more comic books.
  • 10:30 pm: Bedtime. Later than it used to be, because there's not that pressure to be at someone else's workplace any more. And that itself leads to sounder sleep, and even more Domination of Eiler the next day.

Today, the cleanout effort is about halfway through its schedule. The chambers are about half cleaned out, and the New Happy Storage Land of Eiler is about half full. All is in order.

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